Comment from SimianSavant

Good

Just letting you know, I don't think this meets the contest requirements as spelled out. There is supposed to be a separate internal rhyme within each line that is distinct from the last words of each rhyme which rhyme with each other. What you have here instead is a double monorhyme.

Here's a working example:

she met my pet that date
one look it took to sate

I realize it's probably not the ending you are looking for, and surely you can come up with something that DOES work. I have docked one star so that you notice and hopefully adjust this in time for your piece to not be disqualified.

Best regards,

🦍

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2024

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reply by the author on 02-Aug-2024

thanks I will adjust it accordingly

Comment from Teri7

Excellent

This is a very nice and well written Essence poem you have penned for the contest. You used great descriptive words and very good imagery from your words and the imagery you chose. Best wishes in the contest. teri

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2024

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reply by the author on 02-Aug-2024

thanks

Comment from Neonewman

Excellent

I find this piece to be an excellent entry for this Essence poem contest. You've met all the guidelines this prompt asked for, nicely. Best of luck in the votes.
God bless,
Steve

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2024

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reply by the author on 02-Aug-2024

thanks

reply by Neonewman on 02-Aug-2024

My pleasure.

Comment from samantha0930

Excellent

This poem has a nice feeling to it, and the picture does go with the poem. I don't really like the wide spaces between the lines though, and "mate" being repeated right next to each other doesn't sound very good, plus that it's pretty cheat-y to make a "rhyme" by just using the same word again. But technically I think it probably still is following the rules of the contest prompt.

 Comment Written 02-Aug-2024

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reply by the author on 02-Aug-2024

thanks i will change the rhyme a bit