Disheartened Delusions
Girl trapped in herself.2 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I liked this piece. There a few words which are capitalised in the middle of sentences which I'm not sure are intentional (Our / Little).
One thing I would suggest is to play around with your formatting a little bit. It may not seem that important but it can help the reader better understand the piece (in general) and let's the emphasis sit in the right places. It can give a more enhanced feel to the flow and feel of the work. Sometimes off-setting a line or giving a important word a line of its own can make all the difference.
All the best
GMG
  |
Hi there,
I liked this piece. There a few words which are capitalised in the middle of sentences which I'm not sure are intentional (Our / Little).
One thing I would suggest is to play around with your formatting a little bit. It may not seem that important but it can help the reader better understand the piece (in general) and let's the emphasis sit in the right places. It can give a more enhanced feel to the flow and feel of the work. Sometimes off-setting a line or giving a important word a line of its own can make all the difference.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 31-Jul-2024
Comment from Pamusart
Hi, Libby
This poem is very deep and I'm going to have to read it a couple more times before I can really comment. But I wanted to say welcome to fan story and that I think you'll be a very good addition to our family.
It sounds like this is a woman who can't face reality. She has all of her possessions that give her comfort, but that really mean nothing.
She has her neighbors banging against the wall I think it's because her thoughts are too loud. It says fantasies, but I think fantasy is assumed to have a thought process there.
She's melancholy, but it's at the very end so I'm thinking maybe the she's finally seeing reality there and it's not making her happy
Your poem is well written in free verse
I enjoyed reading your poem
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
|
Hi, Libby
This poem is very deep and I'm going to have to read it a couple more times before I can really comment. But I wanted to say welcome to fan story and that I think you'll be a very good addition to our family.
It sounds like this is a woman who can't face reality. She has all of her possessions that give her comfort, but that really mean nothing.
She has her neighbors banging against the wall I think it's because her thoughts are too loud. It says fantasies, but I think fantasy is assumed to have a thought process there.
She's melancholy, but it's at the very end so I'm thinking maybe the she's finally seeing reality there and it's not making her happy
Your poem is well written in free verse
I enjoyed reading your poem
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2024