The Fix
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "The Fix - Chapter Twenty"A mother fights to prove her son's innocence
5 total reviews
Comment from Daylily
I am so far behind in my reviewing. This is written well and clearly expresses the panic Stacey is feeling as a mother who just wants to find out the truth and protect her son. It is an excellent chapter, Jacob.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2024
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I am so far behind in my reviewing. This is written well and clearly expresses the panic Stacey is feeling as a mother who just wants to find out the truth and protect her son. It is an excellent chapter, Jacob.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2024
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Thank you, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
Stacey is willing to risk discomfort to try to figure out what really happened, even when people aren't talking. I wasn't sure what "Sod it" meant. I had to look it up.
Little suggestion:
The school where Susannah worked is about a fifteen minute drive from here.
I would put a hyphen between fifteen and minute.
'I'm sorry, I.' Tears begin to fill my eyes.
I think maybe use an ellipse there to show that Stacey is emotionally unable to add another word, so: 'I'm sorry, I..."
She's making a call on her phone now I can see.
I think this sounds a little awkward. Maybe reverse the order to:
Now I can see she's making a call on her phone.
'Don't worry, I'm leaving.'
I would maybe use a semi-colon or long dash after the word worry.
The gates haven't opened, she's still standing in the car park; her phone is clamped to her ear.
I think this could be simplified very slightly to:
The gates haven't opened; she's still standing in the car park, her phone clamped to her ear.
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2024
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Stacey is willing to risk discomfort to try to figure out what really happened, even when people aren't talking. I wasn't sure what "Sod it" meant. I had to look it up.
Little suggestion:
The school where Susannah worked is about a fifteen minute drive from here.
I would put a hyphen between fifteen and minute.
'I'm sorry, I.' Tears begin to fill my eyes.
I think maybe use an ellipse there to show that Stacey is emotionally unable to add another word, so: 'I'm sorry, I..."
She's making a call on her phone now I can see.
I think this sounds a little awkward. Maybe reverse the order to:
Now I can see she's making a call on her phone.
'Don't worry, I'm leaving.'
I would maybe use a semi-colon or long dash after the word worry.
The gates haven't opened, she's still standing in the car park; her phone is clamped to her ear.
I think this could be simplified very slightly to:
The gates haven't opened; she's still standing in the car park, her phone clamped to her ear.
Comment Written 30-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2024
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Thank you again for reading and reviewing. I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Stacey does get a rough time of it and seems permanently caught in the headlights. As fast as she tries to make headway, she's knocked back again. But this offered some real hope for a minute.
Sweat patches are forming (under) my arms.
Thanks for sharing another engaging chapter, Jacob! Debbie
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2024
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Stacey does get a rough time of it and seems permanently caught in the headlights. As fast as she tries to make headway, she's knocked back again. But this offered some real hope for a minute.
Sweat patches are forming (under) my arms.
Thanks for sharing another engaging chapter, Jacob! Debbie
Comment Written 17-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2024
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Thank you Debbie, I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from BethShelby
I can imagine that was a uncomfortable encounter. I sure she wishes she stayed home in few of how hostile the lady was and the fact she seems to calling possibly the police. I look forward to more.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2024
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I can imagine that was a uncomfortable encounter. I sure she wishes she stayed home in few of how hostile the lady was and the fact she seems to calling possibly the police. I look forward to more.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2024
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Thank you Beth, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
If this woman is calling the police, it can't be good for Stacey. BUT if she'd calling somebody else it might be a lead. I am curious who she is calling. Is she calling Daniel. I have a feeling he knows more that we know about. This is a good read.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2024
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If this woman is calling the police, it can't be good for Stacey. BUT if she'd calling somebody else it might be a lead. I am curious who she is calling. Is she calling Daniel. I have a feeling he knows more that we know about. This is a good read.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2024
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Thank you Barbara, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.