Love Out of the Darkness
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Love Out of the Darkness Part 2"Grief has its stages.
14 total reviews
Comment from Pam (respa)
A good image for your story, and you did a good job writing it. You set the scene well with the storm and the thoughts that go through her mind, like she is recalling things her mother might have said to her at an earlier age. You also do a good job with descriptive detail, like
"tires slicing through the growing puddles."
Her feet seem to be leading her, making sure she moves forward with each step. It seems like it is something she needs to do, but maybe she has been afraid to. "Then, her feet stopped." You do a great job with the ending capturing the emotion she must have felt at this moment.
Very well done.
  |
A good image for your story, and you did a good job writing it. You set the scene well with the storm and the thoughts that go through her mind, like she is recalling things her mother might have said to her at an earlier age. You also do a good job with descriptive detail, like
"tires slicing through the growing puddles."
Her feet seem to be leading her, making sure she moves forward with each step. It seems like it is something she needs to do, but maybe she has been afraid to. "Then, her feet stopped." You do a great job with the ending capturing the emotion she must have felt at this moment.
Very well done.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2024
Comment from Trent Delaney
Thank you. Nicely written. I felt as if I was looking from afar watching her do all of this.. I could feel her very well. Good luck with your future endeavors.
|
Thank you. Nicely written. I felt as if I was looking from afar watching her do all of this.. I could feel her very well. Good luck with your future endeavors.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2024
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Hello fellow teacher!
I stumbled upon your story and am glad I did. You have a compelling writing story that leads the reader to stay glued to your writing.
Wow, how powerful. Lesha has taken off without her jacket or other covering. Avoiding looking at pictures on the wall, she left for her walk. Bad weather sets in and she ends up at the cemetery. It's where her heart lead her.
Take care,
Rhonda
|
Hello fellow teacher!
I stumbled upon your story and am glad I did. You have a compelling writing story that leads the reader to stay glued to your writing.
Wow, how powerful. Lesha has taken off without her jacket or other covering. Avoiding looking at pictures on the wall, she left for her walk. Bad weather sets in and she ends up at the cemetery. It's where her heart lead her.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment Written 09-Jul-2024
Comment from Thesis
You've done a good job showing the quick decisions, anxiety, and disregard for her well-being, that the character displays. Her wandering without purpose, but showing up at a place she didn't want to be is a classic symptom of her mind forcing her to deal with something she doesn't want to confront.
|
You've done a good job showing the quick decisions, anxiety, and disregard for her well-being, that the character displays. Her wandering without purpose, but showing up at a place she didn't want to be is a classic symptom of her mind forcing her to deal with something she doesn't want to confront.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2024
Comment from nomi338
Interestingly, I am also recovering from a broken toe I suffered from when I fell out of bed, sleeping to close to the edge. It was on a foot I broke years ago. In a twist, I was born in Arkansas and now live in California.
|
Interestingly, I am also recovering from a broken toe I suffered from when I fell out of bed, sleeping to close to the edge. It was on a foot I broke years ago. In a twist, I was born in Arkansas and now live in California.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2024
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am glad your toe isn't broken and thank you for sharing Part 2 with us. I am enjoying reading this. The emotion is perfectly described. This is good writing.
|
I am glad your toe isn't broken and thank you for sharing Part 2 with us. I am enjoying reading this. The emotion is perfectly described. This is good writing.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2024
Comment from Ulla
I'm glad your toe is not too bad. It's a great storey and the suspense is there. I can understand from your notes that this brings some painful memories for you.
I think you should write the full title- part two. Then we all know what story you mean. I'm looking forward to what's next. Ullaxcx
|
I'm glad your toe is not too bad. It's a great storey and the suspense is there. I can understand from your notes that this brings some painful memories for you.
I think you should write the full title- part two. Then we all know what story you mean. I'm looking forward to what's next. Ullaxcx
Comment Written 07-Jul-2024
Comment from LJbutterfly
You story is developing nicely and is well-written. Part 2 still carries an element of mystery and suspense. Who is in the cemetery and what memories are hidden there?
You should use the full title of your story, Love Out of Darkness-Part 2, on the front page of the website, rather than merely calling your story Part 2. It leads possible reviewers to ask, "Part 2 of what?"
I'm glad for the update on your toe and glad you can move around.
|
You story is developing nicely and is well-written. Part 2 still carries an element of mystery and suspense. Who is in the cemetery and what memories are hidden there?
You should use the full title of your story, Love Out of Darkness-Part 2, on the front page of the website, rather than merely calling your story Part 2. It leads possible reviewers to ask, "Part 2 of what?"
I'm glad for the update on your toe and glad you can move around.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2024
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
You really know how to show the reader what's happening. I was with Lesha all the way. But it seems a power stronger than herself has led her to the cemetery. Now I'm wondering why? What's there? I'll be waiting for the next chapter. :)) Sandra xx
|
You really know how to show the reader what's happening. I was with Lesha all the way. But it seems a power stronger than herself has led her to the cemetery. Now I'm wondering why? What's there? I'll be waiting for the next chapter. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 07-Jul-2024
Comment from Begin Again
Ouch! I'm sorry you're still having trouble with the toe. I'm thankful it's not broken. It gives you more time to put your foot up, rest, and write. I loved this chapter, and you draw the reader in raindrop by a raindrop. Very well done, and I'm anxious to see what lies ahead.
Smiles, Carol
|
Ouch! I'm sorry you're still having trouble with the toe. I'm thankful it's not broken. It gives you more time to put your foot up, rest, and write. I loved this chapter, and you draw the reader in raindrop by a raindrop. Very well done, and I'm anxious to see what lies ahead.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 07-Jul-2024