Love Out of the Darkness
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Love Out of the Darkness"Grief has its stages.
30 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi A
This is a good intro to a story. We all have writer's block sometimes and it is frustrating. So we do everything to avoid trying to write. It seems that this walk might just change her life. Where one door closes another one opens. I like the artwork. Maybe now she is contemplating words to write about this location.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Good luck in the contest.
Merry Christmas.
Joan
P S I would like you to know that I recently published a book titled "The Interloper and other stories in prose and poetry". It is available on Amazon.com and I have provided a link to it at the bottom of my profile page.
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Hi A
This is a good intro to a story. We all have writer's block sometimes and it is frustrating. So we do everything to avoid trying to write. It seems that this walk might just change her life. Where one door closes another one opens. I like the artwork. Maybe now she is contemplating words to write about this location.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Good luck in the contest.
Merry Christmas.
Joan
P S I would like you to know that I recently published a book titled "The Interloper and other stories in prose and poetry". It is available on Amazon.com and I have provided a link to it at the bottom of my profile page.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2024
Comment from Thesis
You've set an interesting story in motion. I was intrigued by the fact that you hadn't named the character, instead you just provided some brief information about a non-descript assignment that she was having trouble writing. I followed along with the quickly changing thoughts and actions and realized this woman was avoiding something painful.
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You've set an interesting story in motion. I was intrigued by the fact that you hadn't named the character, instead you just provided some brief information about a non-descript assignment that she was having trouble writing. I followed along with the quickly changing thoughts and actions and realized this woman was avoiding something painful.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2024
Comment from GoWiSt
Thanks for sharing about your life in your author notes. I'm sorry about your cataracts. My dad had those. And I hope the injury to your big toe isn't as bad as it may seem. From the main story, there is some secret/hidden grief or problem that the speaker is trying hard to avoid, and is affecting his/her ability to write. I wonder what this is.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2024
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Thanks for sharing about your life in your author notes. I'm sorry about your cataracts. My dad had those. And I hope the injury to your big toe isn't as bad as it may seem. From the main story, there is some secret/hidden grief or problem that the speaker is trying hard to avoid, and is affecting his/her ability to write. I wonder what this is.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2024
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Thank you for reading and reviewing, GoWiSt. I'm thrilled you enjoyed my story. Yes, I'm doing better--nothing broken or fractured. Probably hurt one of the ligaments--I've done it before, which explained the flares of pain I feel periodically in my toe. Hopefully, it'll go away soon. I'm working on the next part. Fingers crossed, it doesn't take too long. Thanks again for reviewing. I appreciate it. Take care. :D :D
Comment from Dawn Munro
Oh! First, your notes -- I'm so sorry about your accident -- I do hope you are now recovered.
This is a wonderful beginning to this story, IMHO. I have only one suggestion, and it is about this--
"An abrupt sniffle broke the deafening silence, and she hurriedly shoved her feet into her shoes and decided a quick stroll around the neighborhood would help."
When I read it, I was expecting to read that there was someone else in the room with her. I realized shortly after that you meant to say SHE sniffled, but it's an easy fix to say that it was her own, and not another person 'breaking the deafening silence'.
Nicely done start though. If I were on site more than I am these days, this looks like a book I would enjoy following.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2024
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Oh! First, your notes -- I'm so sorry about your accident -- I do hope you are now recovered.
This is a wonderful beginning to this story, IMHO. I have only one suggestion, and it is about this--
"An abrupt sniffle broke the deafening silence, and she hurriedly shoved her feet into her shoes and decided a quick stroll around the neighborhood would help."
When I read it, I was expecting to read that there was someone else in the room with her. I realized shortly after that you meant to say SHE sniffled, but it's an easy fix to say that it was her own, and not another person 'breaking the deafening silence'.
Nicely done start though. If I were on site more than I am these days, this looks like a book I would enjoy following.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2024
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Thank you for reading and reviewing, Dawn. I'm thrilled you enjoyed my story. I love your suggestion. Yes, I'm doing better--nothing broken or fractured. Probably hurt one of the ligaments, which I've done before, which explained the flares of pain I feel periodically. Hopefully, it'll go away soon. I'm working on the next part. Fingers crossed, it doesn't take too long. Thanks again for reviewing. I appreciate it. Take care. :D :D
Comment from Sally Law
My, I am so sorry for lack of a six! This is great writing with detail and emotional depth. Love it! I very much look forward to the love story as it unfolds.
Sending you my best today as always and my very best for the book.
Sally :))
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2024
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My, I am so sorry for lack of a six! This is great writing with detail and emotional depth. Love it! I very much look forward to the love story as it unfolds.
Sending you my best today as always and my very best for the book.
Sally :))
Comment Written 05-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2024
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Thank you for reading and reviewing, Sally. I'm thrilled you enjoyed it so much. I will be adding a part two soon--I needed to clarify some details with my uncle before starting. Thank you. I'm seeing a doctor about my toe today and my eye surgery is next Tuesday. Fingers crossed both go well. Thank you again and take care. :D :D
Comment from Pam (respa)
A good image for your story. Your notes are appreciated and I hope your toe will be okay. I enjoyed reading your story. A very good opening hook. You follow that with her frustration about not being able to write her essay. Apparently, a memory she'd rather forget was the problem. She reacts to that with thinking about the many things she could do.
She wasn't even able to eat a sandwich. You do a good job with the feelings she is experiencing causing a great sense of anxiety, but the swaying of the trees seemed to inspire her. A good closing to your story since she just wanted to escape and have no reminders of what was.
I think a lot of us don't think to ask our parents things, and then they pass away, and we tend to wonder about them and what they had done and why.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2024
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A good image for your story. Your notes are appreciated and I hope your toe will be okay. I enjoyed reading your story. A very good opening hook. You follow that with her frustration about not being able to write her essay. Apparently, a memory she'd rather forget was the problem. She reacts to that with thinking about the many things she could do.
She wasn't even able to eat a sandwich. You do a good job with the feelings she is experiencing causing a great sense of anxiety, but the swaying of the trees seemed to inspire her. A good closing to your story since she just wanted to escape and have no reminders of what was.
I think a lot of us don't think to ask our parents things, and then they pass away, and we tend to wonder about them and what they had done and why.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2024
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Thank you for reading and reviewing, Pam. I'm thrilled you enjoyed it so much. I will be adding a part two soon--I needed to clarify some details with my uncle before starting. Thank you again and take care. :D :D
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You are very welcome, and thanks for sharing in your reply.
Comment from Brian Mich
Any writer or student can relate to a blinking cursor "taunting" them. I really like that imagery. Every student or writer feels the occasional frustration of writer's block and procrastination. Also, it is relatable to eat or go for a walk rather than to complete an assignment first. I really enjoyed the privilege of reading this story, and I will look forward to reading more of your work in the not-too distant future.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2024
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Any writer or student can relate to a blinking cursor "taunting" them. I really like that imagery. Every student or writer feels the occasional frustration of writer's block and procrastination. Also, it is relatable to eat or go for a walk rather than to complete an assignment first. I really enjoyed the privilege of reading this story, and I will look forward to reading more of your work in the not-too distant future.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2024
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Thank you for reading and reviewing, Brian. I'm thrilled you enjoyed it so much. I will be adding a part two soon--I needed to clarify some details with my uncle before starting. Writer's block is daunting. I suffered from it for years before relocating to Arkansas, and now I'm writing again--though it's still sporadic. Thank you again and take care. :D :D
Comment from nomi338
Funny, I was just treated for a broken baby toe and fractured ankle. I fell out of bed. Because I have had a problem with that foot in the past, I broke it years ago. I just figured it was because there must have been moisture in the atmosphere. Since the pain did not ease up or go away I finally went to see the doctor. I have been wearing an Una boot for a few days, I finally took it off as I cannot stand it. It is pretty much useless to resist the urge to write. I am sure you will wind up writing something sooner or later, do not be surprised if it turns out to not be what you intended.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2024
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Funny, I was just treated for a broken baby toe and fractured ankle. I fell out of bed. Because I have had a problem with that foot in the past, I broke it years ago. I just figured it was because there must have been moisture in the atmosphere. Since the pain did not ease up or go away I finally went to see the doctor. I have been wearing an Una boot for a few days, I finally took it off as I cannot stand it. It is pretty much useless to resist the urge to write. I am sure you will wind up writing something sooner or later, do not be surprised if it turns out to not be what you intended.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2024
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Thank you for reading and reviewing, nomi338. I'm thrilled you enjoyed it so much. I will be adding a part two soon--I needed to clarify some details with my uncle before starting. Thank you. I'm seeing a doctor about my toe today and my eye surgery is next Tuesday. Fingers crossed both go well. I hope yours heals soon, too. I, too, broke my pinky toe--the same one that's hurting now, years ago. Hopefully, both of us will soon be on the mend. Thank you again and take care. :D :D
Comment from jessizero
You told this story well. You managed to capture and keep my attention, which is not easy to do these days. I hope you find your motivation, and good luck with your surgery. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2024
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You told this story well. You managed to capture and keep my attention, which is not easy to do these days. I hope you find your motivation, and good luck with your surgery. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2024
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Thank you for reading and reviewing, Jessizero. I'm thrilled you enjoyed it so much. I will be adding a part two soon--I needed to clarify some details with my uncle before starting. Thank you. I'm seeing a doctor about my toe today and my eye surgery is next Tuesday. Fingers crossed both go well. Thank you again and take care. :D :D
Comment from Gunner Lil
An enjoyable read. It moved along very well. You used great sensory descriptions that were not overwhelming.
At first this reader thought, writer's block but I think there is something else going on.
Thank you.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2024
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An enjoyable read. It moved along very well. You used great sensory descriptions that were not overwhelming.
At first this reader thought, writer's block but I think there is something else going on.
Thank you.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2024
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Thank you for reading and reviewing, GunnerLil. I'm thrilled you enjoyed it so much. I will be adding a part two soon--I needed to clarify some details with my uncle before starting. Yes, there is something more blocking her, and I'll be addressing that in the second and third parts. Thank you. I'm seeing a doctor about my toe today and my eye surgery is next Tuesday. Fingers crossed both go well. Thank you again and take care. :D :D