The Fix
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "The Fix - Chapter Fifteen "A mother fights to prove her son's innocence
8 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Not looking good, is it? I wonder if Susannah's friends might be a bit more helpful. Even a little thing might help. Tracey needs some clues, but most people have already made up their mind that he's guilty. I'd hate to be in her position. :(( Another excellent chapter! :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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Not looking good, is it? I wonder if Susannah's friends might be a bit more helpful. Even a little thing might help. Tracey needs some clues, but most people have already made up their mind that he's guilty. I'd hate to be in her position. :(( Another excellent chapter! :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 10-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2024
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Thank you Sandra, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
It seems the visit to the prison to see Joshua has convinced Stacey that there really is more to the case than Joshua can say, but it is all based on what she thinks so far. I may have missed one post, so I will check the one just before this as well.
A suggestion on punctuation on this part is only slightly different from what you have:
'Yes, I agree, if we start asking them for more information they might get funny and speak to the police, or worse, the press about what we're doing.'
I might try:
'Yes, I agree. If we start asking them for more information, they might get funny and speak to the police--or worse, the press about what we're doing.'
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2024
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It seems the visit to the prison to see Joshua has convinced Stacey that there really is more to the case than Joshua can say, but it is all based on what she thinks so far. I may have missed one post, so I will check the one just before this as well.
A suggestion on punctuation on this part is only slightly different from what you have:
'Yes, I agree, if we start asking them for more information they might get funny and speak to the police, or worse, the press about what we're doing.'
I might try:
'Yes, I agree. If we start asking them for more information, they might get funny and speak to the police--or worse, the press about what we're doing.'
Comment Written 01-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2024
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Thank you for taking the time to review, I?m really pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Daylily
I was not able to get to this until late. It is a strong chapter, however, and it is easy to imagine Stacey's feelings as the action unfolds.
Just a suggestion:
Re: I'm surprised actually I've managed to hold off smoking again in the months since Joshua was arrested. -- This would be easier to read by saying:
I'm actually surprised I've managed to hold off smoking again in the months since Joshua was arrested.
An easier flow of words helps keep readers interested.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2024
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I was not able to get to this until late. It is a strong chapter, however, and it is easy to imagine Stacey's feelings as the action unfolds.
Just a suggestion:
Re: I'm surprised actually I've managed to hold off smoking again in the months since Joshua was arrested. -- This would be easier to read by saying:
I'm actually surprised I've managed to hold off smoking again in the months since Joshua was arrested.
An easier flow of words helps keep readers interested.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2024
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Thank you, and for your suggestions as well. I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
The sentence with Joshua looking her directly in the eye, I would change to "looking directly at me" or "looking me in the eye".
For any sign of any journalists - take one "any" away, "For any sign of journalists"
You could remove "ensuite" the second time around and just say "slamming the door" - we know already that she's gone to the ensuite.
I think she's planning to try and speak TO some of the people . . . (add to)
"I end the call." It sounds like you just wanted to end the chapter and move on. Perhaps you could come up with a fitting goodbye between the two women.
Sorry, Jacob, this review is more about editing but there was a sense that you rushed through this and didn't take time to polish it. A few punctuation issues which I didn't bother with. Do you have a professional editor you work with before you publish your books?
Remember this is your baby; take care of it:-) Your story is a good one - just don't rush it.
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2024
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The sentence with Joshua looking her directly in the eye, I would change to "looking directly at me" or "looking me in the eye".
For any sign of any journalists - take one "any" away, "For any sign of journalists"
You could remove "ensuite" the second time around and just say "slamming the door" - we know already that she's gone to the ensuite.
I think she's planning to try and speak TO some of the people . . . (add to)
"I end the call." It sounds like you just wanted to end the chapter and move on. Perhaps you could come up with a fitting goodbye between the two women.
Sorry, Jacob, this review is more about editing but there was a sense that you rushed through this and didn't take time to polish it. A few punctuation issues which I didn't bother with. Do you have a professional editor you work with before you publish your books?
Remember this is your baby; take care of it:-) Your story is a good one - just don't rush it.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 25-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2024
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Thank you Pam, I appreciate you taking the time to go through it. I haven?t published any books yet, this book is still only in its early stages at the moment.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Having to do your own investigations when a loved one is incarcerated unfairly has its challenges, but perhaps Joshua is protecting someone else? Another fine chapter Jacob, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2024
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Having to do your own investigations when a loved one is incarcerated unfairly has its challenges, but perhaps Joshua is protecting someone else? Another fine chapter Jacob, love Dolly x
Comment Written 24-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2024
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Thank you Dolly, I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You're continuing with this story. I keep trying to figure all of this out myself, from clues in your writing. You're doing a great job.
God, is he trying to protect someone? (This makes me really wonder, who Joshau is trying to protect. My first instinct is it's Rachel, but why????)
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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You're continuing with this story. I keep trying to figure all of this out myself, from clues in your writing. You're doing a great job.
God, is he trying to protect someone? (This makes me really wonder, who Joshau is trying to protect. My first instinct is it's Rachel, but why????)
Comment Written 24-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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Thank you Barbara, I?m really pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Yes, Rachel obviously knows more than she's letting on. Stacey's frustration is absolutely palpable. It seems to be one step forward and ten back. I wonder if it should have read about Joshua speaking to the prison staff, rather than the police about the attack?
I think she's planning to try and speak (to)...
Good momentum and dialogue in your excellent story. Take care Debbie
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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Yes, Rachel obviously knows more than she's letting on. Stacey's frustration is absolutely palpable. It seems to be one step forward and ten back. I wonder if it should have read about Joshua speaking to the prison staff, rather than the police about the attack?
I think she's planning to try and speak (to)...
Good momentum and dialogue in your excellent story. Take care Debbie
Comment Written 24-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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Thank you Debbie, I?m really pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from BethShelby
The visit to the prison didn't seem to accomplish anything. It appears Joshua has given up on himself. He doesn't want his mother to believe he is innocent. Her daugher being along may have prevented him from talking but it didn't sound like he had something to tell her. I'm sure any mother would be in pain seeing her son hurt.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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The visit to the prison didn't seem to accomplish anything. It appears Joshua has given up on himself. He doesn't want his mother to believe he is innocent. Her daugher being along may have prevented him from talking but it didn't sound like he had something to tell her. I'm sure any mother would be in pain seeing her son hurt.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2024
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Thank you Beth, I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.
