2024 Gypsy's Haiku
Viewing comments for Chapter 124 "A Single Mouse"x
7 total reviews
Comment from juliaSjames
Haha
I do so admire the sly humour of this senryu. You've captured the essence of implied bawdiness, Marival. What an image you paint for the reader in only eleven syllables!
One suggestion: consider changing the last word to "disrobe" which is the more commonly used word.
Wonderful work.
Blessings, Cheryl
reply by the author on 28-May-2024
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Haha
I do so admire the sly humour of this senryu. You've captured the essence of implied bawdiness, Marival. What an image you paint for the reader in only eleven syllables!
One suggestion: consider changing the last word to "disrobe" which is the more commonly used word.
Wonderful work.
Blessings, Cheryl
Comment Written 28-May-2024
reply by the author on 28-May-2024
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Hello, Cheryl,
haha thank you for your kind review, this is a silly poem.
I hope you are well, it's good to hear from you. 😊
MariVal
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lol
I was busy with birthday parties. Visited NYC for the first time in 4 years to attend my best friend?s celebration. Traveled by bus which was tiring but then I got to see the incredible panorama of the full moon above the glittering skyscrapers. It was unreal.
Hugs, Cheryl
Comment from RJ Heritage
That is a little funny, but so true. I have seen a cockroach make a friend of mine remove her dress in haste and jump like a jack-rabbit for minutes.Very insightful and creative poem. Incidentally, there is a song in my country of birth, about a lizard and a teacher's dress.
RJ
reply by the author on 25-May-2024
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That is a little funny, but so true. I have seen a cockroach make a friend of mine remove her dress in haste and jump like a jack-rabbit for minutes.Very insightful and creative poem. Incidentally, there is a song in my country of birth, about a lizard and a teacher's dress.
RJ
Comment Written 25-May-2024
reply by the author on 25-May-2024
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Hehe... I would love to hear that song.
Thank you very much 😊
Gypsy
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You?re welcome. I?ll send you the info.
RJ
Comment from shelley kaye
lol! or at least pull the habit gown up high lol
a fun little senryu with good imagery and smooth flow
cool pics, too!
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
reply by the author on 25-May-2024
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lol! or at least pull the habit gown up high lol
a fun little senryu with good imagery and smooth flow
cool pics, too!
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
Comment Written 25-May-2024
reply by the author on 25-May-2024
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thank you very much 😊
gypsy
Comment from Jumbo J
Well, this senryu made me work for my cheese MariVal.
Hmmmm, my Chinese horoscope animal is on the cusp of a rat and an ox... but I am not a mouse by any means... and well, I do move more like an ox... slow and steady... but on the other hand I am a bit of a hoarder, and hey((((, I do love bringing things back to my nest so to speak... and maybe that is the habit component... but I do smell a rat rather than a mouse... and yes, the rat is more cunning and calculated. So I can see how a rodent may get under a nuns garments to make her derobe... and in my younger days it may have been me sniffing around trying my best... who knows?
Oh MariVal, in one of your wickedly rascally moods?
I feel a theme for today coming on... and it's all about not having any clothes on... getting hot up there my dear friend? Love the image!
It's getting cold down here!
With our thoughts we create...
bad habits.
Warmest regards,
James.
reply by the author on 25-May-2024
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Well, this senryu made me work for my cheese MariVal.
Hmmmm, my Chinese horoscope animal is on the cusp of a rat and an ox... but I am not a mouse by any means... and well, I do move more like an ox... slow and steady... but on the other hand I am a bit of a hoarder, and hey((((, I do love bringing things back to my nest so to speak... and maybe that is the habit component... but I do smell a rat rather than a mouse... and yes, the rat is more cunning and calculated. So I can see how a rodent may get under a nuns garments to make her derobe... and in my younger days it may have been me sniffing around trying my best... who knows?
Oh MariVal, in one of your wickedly rascally moods?
I feel a theme for today coming on... and it's all about not having any clothes on... getting hot up there my dear friend? Love the image!
It's getting cold down here!
With our thoughts we create...
bad habits.
Warmest regards,
James.
Comment Written 24-May-2024
reply by the author on 25-May-2024
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LoL. I don't know where did this come from... it's very silly. I appreciate that you gave it a go. Someone told me she didn't get it but you a d Helen did.
I'm happy you like the little fellow ☺️ he is a bit naughty
Besitos y buenas noches
Marival
Should I change unrobe to take off her clothes? I was thinking
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Definitely unrobe!
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thank you, James, I am glad you think I am happy you think 'unrobe' is the right one because it's the one that made sense to me. I shouldn't change the poem for one reviewer's feedback.
Comment from GWHARGIS
I must be dense, but I don't understand this. I know it's supposed to be dual meaning. It's supposed to make us laugh and do a double take but I'm missing it. I'm extremely tired so I'm sure it's me. Please do not take offense. I love your poetry. Gretchen
reply by the author on 24-May-2024
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I must be dense, but I don't understand this. I know it's supposed to be dual meaning. It's supposed to make us laugh and do a double take but I'm missing it. I'm extremely tired so I'm sure it's me. Please do not take offense. I love your poetry. Gretchen
Comment Written 24-May-2024
reply by the author on 24-May-2024
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Thank you very much, Gretchen
Gypsy
Comment from kahpot
Excellent, I am not sure if I am smiling or wincing, I can see the humor in getting the nun to disrobe, and the fright of something running around inside her habit, very well written and presented****kahpot
reply by the author on 24-May-2024
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Excellent, I am not sure if I am smiling or wincing, I can see the humor in getting the nun to disrobe, and the fright of something running around inside her habit, very well written and presented****kahpot
Comment Written 24-May-2024
reply by the author on 24-May-2024
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Thank you very much, kym
Gypsy
Comment from lyenochka
Well, if that mouse had the audacity to climb into her habit. She probably would have run into a safe place first before disrobing in public. Ahh, those naughty mice!
reply by the author on 24-May-2024
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Well, if that mouse had the audacity to climb into her habit. She probably would have run into a safe place first before disrobing in public. Ahh, those naughty mice!
Comment Written 24-May-2024
reply by the author on 24-May-2024
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LoL
Thank you very much , big sister
Love
Marival