Lu de yu yueliang
The Lady And The Moon20 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Why, always so sad, Jim? You've created another fine story, this time in a very succinct form but equally as compelling as ever. This has such an hypnotic effect on the reader. Poignant and stoical in theme, its tone here seems perfectly measured for the protagonist of the piece. Thank you for sharing this original and well expressed story. Good luck, Jim! Debbie
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Why, always so sad, Jim? You've created another fine story, this time in a very succinct form but equally as compelling as ever. This has such an hypnotic effect on the reader. Poignant and stoical in theme, its tone here seems perfectly measured for the protagonist of the piece. Thank you for sharing this original and well expressed story. Good luck, Jim! Debbie
Comment Written 22-May-2024
Comment from BethShelby
Nice Oriental lost love story. Your flash fiction is nice. I hope it does well in the contest. The music you shared is beautiful and I like the art work you chose. I've never written much about other cultures.
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Nice Oriental lost love story. Your flash fiction is nice. I hope it does well in the contest. The music you shared is beautiful and I like the art work you chose. I've never written much about other cultures.
Comment Written 22-May-2024
Comment from Sharon Elwell
This piece feels like a note to yourself to for a future story that could be really beautiful. The conflict between past and future is a fascinating one, and attempting to get to the moon while she waits on earth really symbolizes it.
Several elements could be shown instead of told.
She is beautiful, but not in a prideful way. How could you demonstrate that humility?
People held to their old ways. What old ways did they hold to?
I was momentarily confused about the garment. Is "hanfu" the same as the combination of y, shan, and gun?
One last thought: I think the title might keep people away.
I hope these ideas help!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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This piece feels like a note to yourself to for a future story that could be really beautiful. The conflict between past and future is a fascinating one, and attempting to get to the moon while she waits on earth really symbolizes it.
Several elements could be shown instead of told.
She is beautiful, but not in a prideful way. How could you demonstrate that humility?
People held to their old ways. What old ways did they hold to?
I was momentarily confused about the garment. Is "hanfu" the same as the combination of y, shan, and gun?
One last thought: I think the title might keep people away.
I hope these ideas help!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-May-2024
Comment from Michele Harber
This is a lovely story, Jim. You always choose subjects just a little bit different. I like the way you brought Mandarin culture into this, and the way you showed the intersection of tradition and modern culture. ("Shoi-Ming courted her in the traditional fashion, while preparing to explore the moon with three others in the coming months.")
You did a good job of incorporating the moon into every aspect of your poem, in accordance with the title. I also appreciate the brief lesson in Mandarin language and attire.
There's just one point I wasn't sure of, and would like to clarify with you. When you said, "Hanfu, the traditional garments, were now only worn on special occasions," were you suggesting that the yi and gun constituted the Hanfu, and that every night is now a special occasion, as she visits the site of that special kiss each night? I hope I'm interpreting that correctly, as it's a lovely, romantic and, ultimately, beautiful but sad idea that fits your story well. Nice job, as always.
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This is a lovely story, Jim. You always choose subjects just a little bit different. I like the way you brought Mandarin culture into this, and the way you showed the intersection of tradition and modern culture. ("Shoi-Ming courted her in the traditional fashion, while preparing to explore the moon with three others in the coming months.")
You did a good job of incorporating the moon into every aspect of your poem, in accordance with the title. I also appreciate the brief lesson in Mandarin language and attire.
There's just one point I wasn't sure of, and would like to clarify with you. When you said, "Hanfu, the traditional garments, were now only worn on special occasions," were you suggesting that the yi and gun constituted the Hanfu, and that every night is now a special occasion, as she visits the site of that special kiss each night? I hope I'm interpreting that correctly, as it's a lovely, romantic and, ultimately, beautiful but sad idea that fits your story well. Nice job, as always.
Comment Written 22-May-2024
Comment from Sanku
i just returned from Singapore where my son and family lives. My granddaughters are learning Chinese language.
The music is truly heavenly ! soft and whimsical. The story of lost love but strong memories was simply beautiful
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i just returned from Singapore where my son and family lives. My granddaughters are learning Chinese language.
The music is truly heavenly ! soft and whimsical. The story of lost love but strong memories was simply beautiful
Comment Written 22-May-2024
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
What a sad ending, but at least it was a blockbuster kiss!!! But he is off testing the moon with three other women?
I remember when the Chinese women stopped binding their feet. I watched a film where an old Chinese lady sat and slowly took her bandages off, just so other women wouldn't be frightened. It must have been so painful when the blood rushed in.
Sorry, that had nothing to do with your delightful, but sad flash fiction contest entry. I wish you the very best of luck! :)) Sandra xx
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What a sad ending, but at least it was a blockbuster kiss!!! But he is off testing the moon with three other women?
I remember when the Chinese women stopped binding their feet. I watched a film where an old Chinese lady sat and slowly took her bandages off, just so other women wouldn't be frightened. It must have been so painful when the blood rushed in.
Sorry, that had nothing to do with your delightful, but sad flash fiction contest entry. I wish you the very best of luck! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 21-May-2024
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
A very touching piece of flash fiction, my friend. Once again, you've shown your flexibility as a writer. You took one moment in time with a couple who shared a kiss, a kiss she would have to remember forever as she lost him to a terrible space accident. Very tender,
Hugs,
Rhonda
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A very touching piece of flash fiction, my friend. Once again, you've shown your flexibility as a writer. You took one moment in time with a couple who shared a kiss, a kiss she would have to remember forever as she lost him to a terrible space accident. Very tender,
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment Written 20-May-2024
Comment from Teri7
Jim, This is a really nice and well written flash fiction story you have penned for the contest. You used very good descriptive words and a very lovely song. I may not have understood her singing, but she had a beautiful voice. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
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Jim, This is a really nice and well written flash fiction story you have penned for the contest. You used very good descriptive words and a very lovely song. I may not have understood her singing, but she had a beautiful voice. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
Comment Written 20-May-2024
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a lovely short story about a love that died in life but lived on in the memory of Chenxi. The song is perfect with the story. Is it originally in Chinese?
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This is a lovely short story about a love that died in life but lived on in the memory of Chenxi. The song is perfect with the story. Is it originally in Chinese?
Comment Written 20-May-2024
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This accentuates a great juxtaposition: "Many still held to their old ways, while their science and technological advances were daily propelling them into a future society." this actually happened with our being nuns how we dressed and how we behaved. The traditional group is very strong. I like this image: "on a small patch of ground only witnessed by the moon." A nice ending
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This accentuates a great juxtaposition: "Many still held to their old ways, while their science and technological advances were daily propelling them into a future society." this actually happened with our being nuns how we dressed and how we behaved. The traditional group is very strong. I like this image: "on a small patch of ground only witnessed by the moon." A nice ending
Comment Written 20-May-2024