My Heart Now Calls You Enemy
It is betrayal of the heart9 total reviews
Comment from Mark Jackson
Betrayal, yes powerful stuff. Leaves we questioning is it the right decision did they deserve a second chance or was the act unforgivable? Very good entry to the contest and your first post so welcome.
reply by the author on 07-May-2024
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Betrayal, yes powerful stuff. Leaves we questioning is it the right decision did they deserve a second chance or was the act unforgivable? Very good entry to the contest and your first post so welcome.
Comment Written 07-May-2024
reply by the author on 07-May-2024
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Thank you
Comment from nancyjam
Strong emotions felt with this powerful poem.
Betrayal of love is so painful. You express the pain and heartbreak so well with you words here. Moving on rom the heartbreak is the best way to heal.
Good luck in the contest.
Nancy
reply by the author on 06-May-2024
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Strong emotions felt with this powerful poem.
Betrayal of love is so painful. You express the pain and heartbreak so well with you words here. Moving on rom the heartbreak is the best way to heal.
Good luck in the contest.
Nancy
Comment Written 06-May-2024
reply by the author on 06-May-2024
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Thank you
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Thank you
Comment from Douglas Goff
Okay, this is very strong and poignant. Betrayal is a bitter pill to swallow. I do not think there is much worse to suffer.
Very good read with an excellent final line. Good job!
D
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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Okay, this is very strong and poignant. Betrayal is a bitter pill to swallow. I do not think there is much worse to suffer.
Very good read with an excellent final line. Good job!
D
Comment Written 05-May-2024
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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Thank you
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This poem uses end rhymes and an implied metaphor for what betrayal does, of being derailed at a train station. My favorite line was:
I can't trust today. I can't trust tomorrow.
The suggestion I have is to capitalize Pandora. That is because she was a character in Greek mythology, so proper names are capitalized.
Also I would look at these two lines and maybe try capitalizing and punctuating them slightly differently like this:
Was it worth the taste of Pandora's desire
to step out the door into the fire?
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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This poem uses end rhymes and an implied metaphor for what betrayal does, of being derailed at a train station. My favorite line was:
I can't trust today. I can't trust tomorrow.
The suggestion I have is to capitalize Pandora. That is because she was a character in Greek mythology, so proper names are capitalized.
Also I would look at these two lines and maybe try capitalizing and punctuating them slightly differently like this:
Was it worth the taste of Pandora's desire
to step out the door into the fire?
Comment Written 05-May-2024
reply by the author on 05-May-2024
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Thank you
Comment from hullabaloo22
First of all, congratulations on your first post! Very well written, with the repetition of 'Betrayal derail my heart at station' being particularly effective.
Good luck in the competition!
reply by the author on 01-May-2024
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First of all, congratulations on your first post! Very well written, with the repetition of 'Betrayal derail my heart at station' being particularly effective.
Good luck in the competition!
Comment Written 01-May-2024
reply by the author on 01-May-2024
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Thank you
Comment from Bill Schott
This poem, My Heart Now Calls You Enemy, reflects the bad blood that remains after unfaithfulness leads to separation and the remaining feelings of hatred.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2024
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This poem, My Heart Now Calls You Enemy, reflects the bad blood that remains after unfaithfulness leads to separation and the remaining feelings of hatred.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2024
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Thank you.
Comment from Wojciech Gurak
Congratulations on your first post. I joined in April as well. It's a beautiful, touching and very emotional poem. Death of a relationship is a very difficult thing. "Back to two" and "truly through" are such well written lines.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2024
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Congratulations on your first post. I joined in April as well. It's a beautiful, touching and very emotional poem. Death of a relationship is a very difficult thing. "Back to two" and "truly through" are such well written lines.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2024
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Thank you.
Comment from Teri7
This is a very well written poem about betrayal. You used very good emotional words that makes a heart sad they even tried. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2024
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This is a very well written poem about betrayal. You used very good emotional words that makes a heart sad they even tried. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
Comment Written 30-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2024
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Thank you.
Comment from Nicki.B
This is a really good poem about betrayal, a one I'm sure many will connect with, the loss of a love. I like it how it depicts the lovers cover up for dishonesty and betrayal. One thing I will say is I don't get why two of the lines of the poem are repeated? In my opinion they fit better just once after 'into the fire'. But I'm just one person reading it, besides that opinion I think its well written, thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2024
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This is a really good poem about betrayal, a one I'm sure many will connect with, the loss of a love. I like it how it depicts the lovers cover up for dishonesty and betrayal. One thing I will say is I don't get why two of the lines of the poem are repeated? In my opinion they fit better just once after 'into the fire'. But I'm just one person reading it, besides that opinion I think its well written, thanks for sharing
Comment Written 30-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2024
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Thank you