The Door Slammed
She was certain it had closed and locked9 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Oh my goodness, this is such a scary story and I hung onto every word until the Police came as the man escaped! Then I read your notes to say a similar incident had happened to you, how dreadful. A vivid and lively flash fiction for the contest and I wish you luck, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
  |
Oh my goodness, this is such a scary story and I hung onto every word until the Police came as the man escaped! Then I read your notes to say a similar incident had happened to you, how dreadful. A vivid and lively flash fiction for the contest and I wish you luck, love Dolly x
Comment Written 16-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
-
Yes, I remembered this just long enough, then put it back in the place of our memory storage that lets us forget. Thank you, Dolly.
Comment from Ric Myworld
As with most fiction there are usually elements of truth in them. I'm sure your similar situation has stuck with you all this time and is used to write your story. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
|
As with most fiction there are usually elements of truth in them. I'm sure your similar situation has stuck with you all this time and is used to write your story. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
-
You are right, Ric. Thank you so much for reading and commenting!
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This has a good amount of suspense. At first we're not sure what's going to happen. I love that you had this woman show her strength and be able to handle herself. That's a good message.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
|
This has a good amount of suspense. At first we're not sure what's going to happen. I love that you had this woman show her strength and be able to handle herself. That's a good message.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
-
Blessings, Liz. Your comments helped a lot.
-
***My pleasure***
Comment from Wendy G
How very frightening for you to have had such an experience as this. So happy you weren't harmed and that it ended okay. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
|
How very frightening for you to have had such an experience as this. So happy you weren't harmed and that it ended okay. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 15-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
-
Thanks for writing, Wendy. Yes, It was long ago...but I remember it well...l
Bless you
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Very well written. It sounds like a perfect response to a potentially deadly situation. The immediate reaction no doubt saved you and Molly.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
|
Very well written. It sounds like a perfect response to a potentially deadly situation. The immediate reaction no doubt saved you and Molly.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
-
Hi Wayne,
thanks so much for the kind words.
Comment from RodG
I really admire the narrator's guts in facing this intruder. You set the scene very well and build the suspense in your early paragraphs. The fight scene is terrific. But your story fizzles at the end. I am not sure what I would add, but maybe more fight details in the street before the police arrive. How would she save herself this time? Rod
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
|
I really admire the narrator's guts in facing this intruder. You set the scene very well and build the suspense in your early paragraphs. The fight scene is terrific. But your story fizzles at the end. I am not sure what I would add, but maybe more fight details in the street before the police arrive. How would she save herself this time? Rod
Comment Written 14-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
-
Rod, your words were so true. I hurried too much to finish...and I will allow more time.
Blessings
Comment from zanni
What an adventure. I'm glad the main character kept their wits about them.
You wrote that it was too warm for a blanket, which made me think it was summer, but later you wrote that the lawn was frozen.
'From behind me, I heard someone coming up behind me at a dead run.' I noticed a repeat of 'behind'.
I hope the baddy was caught.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
 |
What an adventure. I'm glad the main character kept their wits about them.
You wrote that it was too warm for a blanket, which made me think it was summer, but later you wrote that the lawn was frozen.
'From behind me, I heard someone coming up behind me at a dead run.' I noticed a repeat of 'behind'.
I hope the baddy was caught.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
-
I wrote to you and changed it! thanks so much! Blessings...
-
Glad to help. It is always useful to get a different eye on our writing.
Comment from Shirley Ann Bunyan
If this is biographical, it's terrifying.
You built up the suspense very well and retained interest throughout.
Maybe choose another word for one of the 'turned' here
'It was too warm for a blanket so I turned on her princess night light and turned to leave her room.'
Well written. Thank you.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
|
If this is biographical, it's terrifying.
You built up the suspense very well and retained interest throughout.
Maybe choose another word for one of the 'turned' here
'It was too warm for a blanket so I turned on her princess night light and turned to leave her room.'
Well written. Thank you.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
-
Thank you, Shirley...I made changes! Thank so much! Blessings
Comment from Bill Schott
This story, The Door Slammed, begins with the required phrasing and then proceeds action-packed as the narrator fends off an intruder and successfully saves herself and little Molly.
The reading reveals only a couple of places where proof-reading would eliminate some redundant wording.
"From behind me I heard someone running up behind me..."
Nice job.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
|
This story, The Door Slammed, begins with the required phrasing and then proceeds action-packed as the narrator fends off an intruder and successfully saves herself and little Molly.
The reading reveals only a couple of places where proof-reading would eliminate some redundant wording.
"From behind me I heard someone running up behind me..."
Nice job.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
-
Thank you so very much for your comments. I made changes! Bless you
