Right in the Eye
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Right in the Eye, ch 10"The adventures and reaches of people with a divine
10 total reviews
Comment from BethShelby
This story ended up just right. He seems to believe he will continue to stay your but his heart might give way. I would think it would stay your do.
They are well fixed financially.This sounds like the Age of Adaline movie. I think lightening struck her and she didn't age any more.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024
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This story ended up just right. He seems to believe he will continue to stay your but his heart might give way. I would think it would stay your do.
They are well fixed financially.This sounds like the Age of Adaline movie. I think lightening struck her and she didn't age any more.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024
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Thank you.
I haven't seen that movie.
I always appreciate your reviews.
Comment from Jim Wile
I loved everything about this chapter, Wayne. I loved Slim's moral conundrum about whether or not he should marry Mary, knowing he would most likely appear to look like her son in a few years. In the end, he just says, screw it, and marries her. He seems to have a good feel for what's really important in life.
I love the way he talks and phrases things. So authentic and often humorous too. You have a really good feel for all the nuances of his character.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024
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I loved everything about this chapter, Wayne. I loved Slim's moral conundrum about whether or not he should marry Mary, knowing he would most likely appear to look like her son in a few years. In the end, he just says, screw it, and marries her. He seems to have a good feel for what's really important in life.
I love the way he talks and phrases things. So authentic and often humorous too. You have a really good feel for all the nuances of his character.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024
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Thank you.
And thank you immensely for the six stars!
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
The "furrow in her brow disappeared" is a great way of showing us that she had relaxed.
"miss your sunrise" is very sweet and romantic
Enjoyed the "pillow talk".
I think that gold stash is going to cause some questions and trouble for Slim and Mary.
Have a great week. Hope you got to see that eclipse even though you got out of town:-)
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024
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The "furrow in her brow disappeared" is a great way of showing us that she had relaxed.
"miss your sunrise" is very sweet and romantic
Enjoyed the "pillow talk".
I think that gold stash is going to cause some questions and trouble for Slim and Mary.
Have a great week. Hope you got to see that eclipse even though you got out of town:-)
xo
Pam
Comment Written 10-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024
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We did. (enjoy the eclipse. even more than we'd anticipated)
Thank you for your great review!
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I've heard quite a few people say they were affected by it more than they thought they would be.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Life is good for Mary and Slim. It is also going to be better when he finds out how much his six pounds of gold is worth. There may be a problem if he doesn't get to looking older, but the biggest problem will be the people who can't understand why he doesn't die. That does keep it interesting.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Life is good for Mary and Slim. It is also going to be better when he finds out how much his six pounds of gold is worth. There may be a problem if he doesn't get to looking older, but the biggest problem will be the people who can't understand why he doesn't die. That does keep it interesting.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thank you for your very kind review.
Comment from lyenochka
It feels like you've finished this story with a happy ending with Slim and Mary getting married and well cared for with his stash of gold from the previous century. It might be hard to cash in the gold without some questions from the authorities. Wonder when he will meet Ben Paul.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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It feels like you've finished this story with a happy ending with Slim and Mary getting married and well cared for with his stash of gold from the previous century. It might be hard to cash in the gold without some questions from the authorities. Wonder when he will meet Ben Paul.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thank you. You are right. Times have changed dramatically for Slim.
I admit that I'm taking a very long time getting to Ben Paul (65-70 years). smiley face here
Comment from robyn corum
Afternoon, Wayne!
Hope you're well. *smile* I'm just gonna tell you - as I read this, I couldn't help thinking, I bet this guy is having a BALL writing this one. hahaha! Don't you just absolutely LOVE the ones that are so frivolous and playful and that you don't have to take SO seriously? Where you can be a little bit more whimsical? It sure does make you more comfortable at the keyboard - well, at least, it does me. ha
I have some notes for you - but of course, you are welcome to disagree with every single one of them. --wink--
Here you go:
1.) "What's going to happen?" Mary asked after I bit into the first pizza I ever had in my life.
--> Wait. That's it? The whole conversation? She doesn't get an answer? A nod? Head shake? Raspberry? NOTHING?
--> And before I get off the subject -- you didn't even comment on your first taste of pizza... Come ON, dude!!
2.) Mary chided, reaching out and poking me in his ribs.
--> you're laying face to face, with your arm draped casually over her waist. So I'm thinking there isn't much reaching OUT, is there?
3.) She'd put a smile on my face in a quick.
--> in a quick --- ? What? I realize you're are speaking colloquially, but I feel you still need something here...
--> She could put a smile on my face quick.
4.) You make my eye happy, my ears happy,
--> just one eye? I could accept that except a couple sentences later, he says:
--> My eyes popped.
5.) Chuckling to herself, Mary continued.
--> we JUST chuckled -- three paragraphs up. Maybe do something different here.
Thanks a bunch! Keep up the good work-- you'll notice that none of these notes was life-shattering. Nothing to affect the rating. Good luck!
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Afternoon, Wayne!
Hope you're well. *smile* I'm just gonna tell you - as I read this, I couldn't help thinking, I bet this guy is having a BALL writing this one. hahaha! Don't you just absolutely LOVE the ones that are so frivolous and playful and that you don't have to take SO seriously? Where you can be a little bit more whimsical? It sure does make you more comfortable at the keyboard - well, at least, it does me. ha
I have some notes for you - but of course, you are welcome to disagree with every single one of them. --wink--
Here you go:
1.) "What's going to happen?" Mary asked after I bit into the first pizza I ever had in my life.
--> Wait. That's it? The whole conversation? She doesn't get an answer? A nod? Head shake? Raspberry? NOTHING?
--> And before I get off the subject -- you didn't even comment on your first taste of pizza... Come ON, dude!!
2.) Mary chided, reaching out and poking me in his ribs.
--> you're laying face to face, with your arm draped casually over her waist. So I'm thinking there isn't much reaching OUT, is there?
3.) She'd put a smile on my face in a quick.
--> in a quick --- ? What? I realize you're are speaking colloquially, but I feel you still need something here...
--> She could put a smile on my face quick.
4.) You make my eye happy, my ears happy,
--> just one eye? I could accept that except a couple sentences later, he says:
--> My eyes popped.
5.) Chuckling to herself, Mary continued.
--> we JUST chuckled -- three paragraphs up. Maybe do something different here.
Thanks a bunch! Keep up the good work-- you'll notice that none of these notes was life-shattering. Nothing to affect the rating. Good luck!
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thank you!
I've missed your reviews. Some (most - smiley face here) of your points are well taken, and merit revisions.
Slim only has one eye.
Curious, have you kept up? This is chapter 121 of the Ben Persons/Tony Bertelli/Ben Paul story.
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Hello, again. I'm thrilled if you found something useful. *smile* But, no. I haven't read ANYTHING from anybody in over a year. Doing my best now to read a BIT from the ones reading me. My life is ridiculous. Thanks, sweetie!
Comment from jim vecchio
Sorry-It's too late for sixes. Another great installment in the Tale I hope will never end, like Slim's longevity. Ben Paul's tale should be fine, also, but I wouldn't mind camping round these parts for awhile.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Sorry-It's too late for sixes. Another great installment in the Tale I hope will never end, like Slim's longevity. Ben Paul's tale should be fine, also, but I wouldn't mind camping round these parts for awhile.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thank you. How about if I bring Ben Paul into 'these parts'?
smiley face here
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I'd welcome any of your words. Just to let you know, tomorrow I'm posting a small piece that may be controversial. I tried to write it as longingly as possible. If you disagree, please do not "unfriend" me.
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K
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God Bless!
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God Bless!
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, I guess, everyone enjoys the idea of a fairy tale relationship that turns to marriage and the couple living happily-ever-after. But I can't imagine how long happily-ever-after could be for 120-year-old. We won't have to worry about a fun time in the old town tonight. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Well, I guess, everyone enjoys the idea of a fairy tale relationship that turns to marriage and the couple living happily-ever-after. But I can't imagine how long happily-ever-after could be for 120-year-old. We won't have to worry about a fun time in the old town tonight. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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I don't kno-ow! (smiley face here)
But there will be developments.
Thanks for the great review.
Comment from Gunner Lil
Very good dialogue in this chapter.
Enjoyed the flow of the story and the marriage proposal and the 7-1-71. He'll never forget that date.
Good sensory descriptions also.
Thank you!
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Very good dialogue in this chapter.
Enjoyed the flow of the story and the marriage proposal and the 7-1-71. He'll never forget that date.
Good sensory descriptions also.
Thank you!
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thank you!
(My beautiful bride and I married on 10-10-10)
Comment from royowen
You've just spoken to a bias that not only I possessed but a big part of the worldly collective, love is only for the young, but this smashes that theory to bits with the love of Slim and Mary, well done, great writing, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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You've just spoken to a bias that not only I possessed but a big part of the worldly collective, love is only for the young, but this smashes that theory to bits with the love of Slim and Mary, well done, great writing, blessings Roy
Comment Written 09-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2024
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Thank you. We are right!
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Well done