Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

The paragraph - In early summer - seemed a bit too wordy for me, I think it could be cut down a bit as a lot of that info we already know. Two very seperate parts to this chapter as the oldies get away for a romantic long weekend. A lovely scene you set for Alan's proposal. I enjoyed the read, hope my suggestion doesn't offend you Jim,
cheers,
valda

 Comment Written 10-Apr-2024

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reply by the author on 10-Apr-2024

Not at all, Valda. In reading back over it, I agree completely and have revised it. I always welcome suggestions for improvement. Thank you.

Comment from BethShelby

Excellent

It seems everything is going well for everyone. Of course that could change, readers love it when thing are working out well but life doesn't stay like that, so we always prepared for problems to pop up.

 Comment Written 08-Apr-2024

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reply by the author on 08-Apr-2024

Perfect analysis, Beth. Gotta mix it up a bit to keep the interest there. We're beginning to get into the last phase of the story where some challenges will surface.

Comment from tfawcus

Excellent

Here's an interesting though not altogether unexpected development. I hope the holiday goes well for them and fortifies their relationship against any outside attacks. I also hope Alan remembered to shut up shop before going away. I don't altogether trust that Wayne guy - especially if he has a gambling problem

 Comment Written 08-Apr-2024

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reply by the author on 08-Apr-2024

I forgot to mention, but have since added in my manuscript, that Alan gave Warren the two days off.

Having known this family for over a year now, I guess Alan felt the time was right to make them an official family since they've been functioning like a family for a good while.

Comment from T B Botts

Exceptional

Hi Jim,
this was a little unexpected, I mean not totally, but I guess I didn't see it coming yet. I wonder what's going to happen in Alan's absence? Will Warren take advantage of his being gone? Having an employee with a gambling problem could set off an unpleasant chain of events, especially if you're not around to keep an eye on things. Nice turn of events Jim.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom

 Comment Written 08-Apr-2024

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reply by the author on 08-Apr-2024

This was an excellent point you brought up about Warren alone in the shop for two days. I hadn't planned on anything happening (just yet) so I'm going to add a statement by Alan that he gave Warren these two days off since he's been working there for five months now.

Thanks very much for that and for the 6 stars too, Tom. Very much appreciated.

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Excellent

This is sweet and delightful that Alan is doing well with his project and wants to add a wife to is life. They seem perfectly matched from the scenes with them that you have shared.

 Comment Written 07-Apr-2024

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reply by the author on 07-Apr-2024

Thanks, Carol. I think the two of them complement each other nicely in that they each fill in the gaps of the other, creating a symbiotic relationship in which the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.

Comment from eliz100

Excellent

This is another excellent chapter. You did a fantastic job describing the romantic getaway. I do not see any need for improvement. Looking forward to the next chapter. Have a blessed day.

 Comment Written 07-Apr-2024

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reply by the author on 07-Apr-2024

Thanks so much, Lee. I've tried to make them act like a family unit, and now we're making it official. The next step will involve Tommy in this process.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

Isn't that nice Jim? The only thing that would seal a love story is a marriage prosaic, and better still an acceptance, it seems to me that all the conditions are in place to get things weaving, with the business going well, and excellent alliances with Abby, well done, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 07-Apr-2024

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reply by the author on 07-Apr-2024

Yeah, so far, so good. I could just end it right now, but nah; that wouldn't be any fun. Got to have a little excitement before the end.

reply by royowen on 07-Apr-2024

Yep, of course

reply by royowen on 07-Apr-2024

Yep, of course

Comment from Wendy G

Excellent

A lovely chapter, with a very happy and satisfying ending, filled with romance. Nothing went wrong, no dramas .... So now I feel uneasy about what is to follow! Hope Warren hasn't been up to mischief while they're away. Looking forward to more.
Wendy

 Comment Written 06-Apr-2024

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reply by the author on 07-Apr-2024

I know there's a lot of drama in your life right now, and I hate to add some more, but your uneasiness is warranted. At least this will only be fiction, as opposed to the reality of what you've been facing with the fires and floods.

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Hooray! Alan finally proposed. I'm sure Ginnie already had an idea. Maybe even Tommy did and was hoping!
I liked the nice setting for the proposal but is the shop closed? Or did Alan give the day off to Warren? So far he hasn't earned their trust.

 Comment Written 06-Apr-2024

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reply by the author on 06-Apr-2024

I didn't think about that. Let's say he gave Warren a couple days off, seeing as how he's been working there for five months now. I will consider mentioning that. He certainly doesn't trust him alone there for two days with the suspicions he has now. Good catch.

Comment from LJbutterfly

Excellent

Your story is progressing at a natural real-life pace. Your detailed descriptions allow us to identify with Alan, Tommy, and Ginnie. I'm glad we didn't have to wait to see what Ginnie said about getting married. However, we will have to wait to see Tommy's reaction to having Alan as a stepfather. Currently, everything in the story feels relaxed and enjoyable.

 Comment Written 06-Apr-2024

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reply by the author on 06-Apr-2024

Thanks very much, Lorraine. Enjoy the relaxation while it lasts; it won't be for too much longer.