Right in the Eye
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Right in the Eye, ch 7"The adventures and reaches of people with a divine
10 total reviews
Comment from BethShelby
So Mary turned out to be Lou Ann great granddaughter and not they are falling in love. I don't what's going to happen to slim when her truckdriving husband comes back to town. This is interesting story with a unique twist.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2024
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So Mary turned out to be Lou Ann great granddaughter and not they are falling in love. I don't what's going to happen to slim when her truckdriving husband comes back to town. This is interesting story with a unique twist.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2024
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Thank you!
It could be trouble, all right.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Slim has such an interesting story and a really long life of listening to music. It is interesting that Mary is LouAnne's great granddaughter. I am enjoying this story although I didn't think I would as someone who heard more than a hundred years pass him by seemed like he would have a boring story, but he doesn't.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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Slim has such an interesting story and a really long life of listening to music. It is interesting that Mary is LouAnne's great granddaughter. I am enjoying this story although I didn't think I would as someone who heard more than a hundred years pass him by seemed like he would have a boring story, but he doesn't.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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Thank you. Slim has a bullet in his brain that immobilized him, but he was conscious all those years.
Comment from lyenochka
Well, this feels like a romance that's much better than anything that could've happened between Slim and LouAnne. It's clear that Mary and Slim are meant for each other. I liked Slim's assessment of Louis Lamour.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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Well, this feels like a romance that's much better than anything that could've happened between Slim and LouAnne. It's clear that Mary and Slim are meant for each other. I liked Slim's assessment of Louis Lamour.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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smiley face here
Thank you.
check - Louis Lamour
Comment from Jim Wile
What a charming chapter, Wayne. I loved Slim and Mary's banter and the things they found funny with each other. Each of them also has a vulnerability which they revealed to each other, but both were accepting of it. They seem to be a couple of kindred spirits.
I'm not exactly sure where this relationship will go just yet, but it is great watching it develop. Nice job of writing.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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What a charming chapter, Wayne. I loved Slim and Mary's banter and the things they found funny with each other. Each of them also has a vulnerability which they revealed to each other, but both were accepting of it. They seem to be a couple of kindred spirits.
I'm not exactly sure where this relationship will go just yet, but it is great watching it develop. Nice job of writing.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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Thank you. Next up is an attempt to twist up predictability.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
It sounds like Mary and Slim have naturally hit it off and have had a good time getting to know each other.
Who says "I'm going to trust you with what I've left out, too." I thought it was Slim, then you write "she paused", so I assume she said that? Because then she begins speaking. But I thought she asked him to speak, so I'm confused.
Check the paragraph with "How her free spirit" was prob'ly what . . . No one is speaking, right?
This was a good chapter for getting into their back stories. Of course, we know Mary's husband will come around, find Slim in her house, and all hell will break loose.
Good backstory, Wayne. My only suggestion is that you use more dialogue tags. I know in your head you think it's obvious who is speaking, but we may not always find it obvious.
Have a great writing week:-)
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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It sounds like Mary and Slim have naturally hit it off and have had a good time getting to know each other.
Who says "I'm going to trust you with what I've left out, too." I thought it was Slim, then you write "she paused", so I assume she said that? Because then she begins speaking. But I thought she asked him to speak, so I'm confused.
Check the paragraph with "How her free spirit" was prob'ly what . . . No one is speaking, right?
This was a good chapter for getting into their back stories. Of course, we know Mary's husband will come around, find Slim in her house, and all hell will break loose.
Good backstory, Wayne. My only suggestion is that you use more dialogue tags. I know in your head you think it's obvious who is speaking, but we may not always find it obvious.
Have a great writing week:-)
xo
Pam
Comment Written 03-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
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Thank you for your excellent review.
Hopefully, I've twisted the predictable stuff enough. We'll see.
Comment from Wendy G
I knew there would be a connection, and this such a perfect link between the two of them. This story is very intriguing , half way between fantasy time travel and reality. Well done. And soon we'll get to Ben Paul. Very imaginative.
Wendy
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2024
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I knew there would be a connection, and this such a perfect link between the two of them. This story is very intriguing , half way between fantasy time travel and reality. Well done. And soon we'll get to Ben Paul. Very imaginative.
Wendy
Comment Written 01-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2024
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happy face here
Thank you!
As much as I try to avoid cliches (except sometimes in dialogue), I disdain coincidences. But in this case, Slim 'had' to find LouAnne's descendant! (But at least he won't be the knight in shining armor who kisses sleeping beauty.)
Thank you for your great review.
Comment from Ric Myworld
This is staring to almost sound like "Race Track marriages" on the thoroughbred race tracks around the country which we just simply called "Shack and Pack marriages." :-) You always have a tendency to take me back to things I know. Good and bad. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2024
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This is staring to almost sound like "Race Track marriages" on the thoroughbred race tracks around the country which we just simply called "Shack and Pack marriages." :-) You always have a tendency to take me back to things I know. Good and bad. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2024
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smiley face here
Thank you for your great review.
Comment from hullabaloo22
This was a lovely chapter. It had a bit of everything, ranging from the humor at the start that showed how well Slim and Mary got on, to the moment at the end when they got serious and shared some heartfelt secrets.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2024
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This was a lovely chapter. It had a bit of everything, ranging from the humor at the start that showed how well Slim and Mary got on, to the moment at the end when they got serious and shared some heartfelt secrets.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2024
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Thank you.
I appreciate your very kind review.
Comment from jim vecchio
Where do you go from here? Each installment builds upon another and even tops the previous one. I appreciate the talk about Slim and cowboy sex and TV westerns. I love 'em but never believed the wet was like that. And, his habit of responding with the last word reminded me of one of my favorite films, "Lonely Are The Brave" in which the deputy always responded in a similar way.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2024
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Where do you go from here? Each installment builds upon another and even tops the previous one. I appreciate the talk about Slim and cowboy sex and TV westerns. I love 'em but never believed the wet was like that. And, his habit of responding with the last word reminded me of one of my favorite films, "Lonely Are The Brave" in which the deputy always responded in a similar way.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2024
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Thank you.I do that to my wife all the time. Gives me time to think. (smiley face here)
I'll have to look up that movie.
Thank you immensely for the six stars!
Per the plot, I'm tryin' to get to Ben Paul, who by now is in his 80s
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I'll be there, waiting!
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
You wrote this chapter rather well. The dialogue pushed the story along nicely, and the emotions came across naturally, probably because you had created two disparate yet complementary characters. kay
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2024
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You wrote this chapter rather well. The dialogue pushed the story along nicely, and the emotions came across naturally, probably because you had created two disparate yet complementary characters. kay
Comment Written 01-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2024
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Thank you. I greatly appreciate your reviews.