Comment from Sally Law

Excellent

Sorry to have missed this. I've been finishing my last book. This is a super sweet love story in the making. I'm glad I'm at the beginning to see where it goes.

Typo: Aiyana wore a hat that covered her (ravine) hair. Raven hair.

Wonderfully penned and illustrated, my friend.

Sending you my best today as always, and best wishes for your writing endeavors.
Sal :))

 Comment Written 15-Mar-2024

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reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024

Thanks Sally!

Comment from BethShelby

Excellent

This is a nice story. Beth is being very nice to the indian girl. I always enjoy you stores. There is nothing wrong with turning this into a love story though it will be complicated by the mail order bride.

 Comment Written 14-Mar-2024

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reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024

Thanks Beth. Very appreciated.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

I already gathered it would be a love story, you do a good job of mixing the two together my friend. There must have been decent people around in those days of Indian wars that didn't carry prejudice and wear it as a garment, well done, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 12-Mar-2024

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reply by the author on 12-Mar-2024

Thanks so much for your perceptive and timely comments.

reply by royowen on 13-Mar-2024

Well done

Comment from patcelaw

Excellent

This is a very well written story, and I enjoyed listening to it your sentence structure and your paragraphing is perfect. I wish you the very best with the writing and I wish you also a very blessed day.

 Comment Written 12-Mar-2024

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reply by the author on 12-Mar-2024

Thanks so much Pat. You made my evening.

Comment from CrystieCookie999

Exceptional

I liked reading this chapter. Flowed well from beginning to end.
I only found the teensiest of suggestions to make:
And here, let me have those pelts miss...Aiyana.
I would say: And here, let me have those pelts, Miss...Aiyana.

After embracing Aiyana, her hat flipped, and her ravine hair slipped to her shoulders.
I think you mean "raven hair" there.

 Comment Written 11-Mar-2024

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reply by the author on 11-Mar-2024

Oh shoot. Glad you caught ravine. I hate making glaring mistakes. Your edits are always welcomed around here.

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Yes, it's clearly a love story so I'm hoping the mail order bride doesn't come or gets misdelivered to another compatible husband.
Looking up the Crow language dictionary online the word for "little bird" is dakaakkaate. I think you might want to come up with another name. But that exchange with the parrot was cute!

 Comment Written 11-Mar-2024

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reply by the author on 11-Mar-2024

That's good. I hope I can get away calling her Dakaa for short. Appreciate you and your reviews. Blessings around the bookends!

Comment from Michael Ludwinder

Excellent

This is well written. It easily held my interest and was so enjoyable to read. It beautifully captures the Aiyana's unfamiliarity of the town. It's good to watch her explore the town and the people as we get to see it though her experience. I'm looking forward to seeing where this story goes from here. Nicely done!

 Comment Written 11-Mar-2024

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reply by the author on 11-Mar-2024

Thanks! Really appreciate those words of encouragement that stir more will to write. I just added you to my fan list to connect better.

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

Thank you for sharing this with us. I love the story.

I'm Beth, and my husband Travis is in the back butchering a cow (comma after 'husband,')

Please head straight away to him with those hind quarters there Lucas. (comma after 'there,)

Beth set the pelts down on an open table and hugged Aiyana who (set down the pelts on an)

 Comment Written 11-Mar-2024

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reply by the author on 11-Mar-2024

Thanks! As always, feel free give me all the editing you can muster. Appreciate you. Blessings around the bookends!