The Fix
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "The Fix - Chapter Five"A mother fights to prove her son's innocence
11 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
I had a bit of trouble connecting this chapter with the last one. Perhaps a line indicating the passage of time might help.
I liked your description of the garden and the exchange between Stacey and her daughter. Reminded me of my unle, who always referred scathingly to this dotty comm world.
There's a blackbird chirping in the acorn tree at the end of the garden. I fell in love with it when I first came to view this house twenty years ago. (The bird or the tree? Obvious, but...)
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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I had a bit of trouble connecting this chapter with the last one. Perhaps a line indicating the passage of time might help.
I liked your description of the garden and the exchange between Stacey and her daughter. Reminded me of my unle, who always referred scathingly to this dotty comm world.
There's a blackbird chirping in the acorn tree at the end of the garden. I fell in love with it when I first came to view this house twenty years ago. (The bird or the tree? Obvious, but...)
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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Thank you Tony, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I liked reading this scene. It helps give some background information in a flashback-sort of scene. I would suggest adding something to the thoughts of Stacey, if she is in the ambulance while remembering this.
Maybe something like: There was a rough patch of road, and the ambulance jostled Stacey to consciousness for a moment, then she drifted off again, thinking of the day the sun warmed her neck while she sat on the deck chair...
Little fix:
Van Gogh instead of Van Gough (unless your country spells it differently)
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2024
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I liked reading this scene. It helps give some background information in a flashback-sort of scene. I would suggest adding something to the thoughts of Stacey, if she is in the ambulance while remembering this.
Maybe something like: There was a rough patch of road, and the ambulance jostled Stacey to consciousness for a moment, then she drifted off again, thinking of the day the sun warmed her neck while she sat on the deck chair...
Little fix:
Van Gogh instead of Van Gough (unless your country spells it differently)
Comment Written 06-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2024
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Thank you, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Begin Again
Forgive me (because I've been reading too many stories plus writing my own) but I'm confused or missed something. How did we go from Stacey being taken away in an ambulance and her son being in jail to sunning in the backyard and him dancing at a club. Is this a flashback? It's written well but I'm not sure if I'm following correctly.
smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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Forgive me (because I've been reading too many stories plus writing my own) but I'm confused or missed something. How did we go from Stacey being taken away in an ambulance and her son being in jail to sunning in the backyard and him dancing at a club. Is this a flashback? It's written well but I'm not sure if I'm following correctly.
smiles, Carol
Comment Written 05-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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Thank you Carol, it is a flashback scene.
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I guessed that afterwards, but thanks for setting me straight. Old ladies get confused easily. LOL
Smiles, Carol
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Did you join the book of the month contest with this story or did it start too soon? It's a great story. If you ever are interested I started one for the contest. Four chapters as of today. I'd love to hear your opinion.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
I had to re-read and then thought I'd missed a chapter before realising that this was a flashback. I think this should, perhaps, be clearer from the offset. You capture a quite natural family scene but then there's suddenly a feeling of anxiety about a new girl in Stacey's son's life. I'm wondering why the panic and whether Joshua had issues that might have represented some kind of risk in a relationship? Small edit: Van Gogh. I don't understand the relevance of the title. That said, all an engaging read with excellent dialogue. The mystery continues. Thanks, Jacob. Debbie
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2024
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I had to re-read and then thought I'd missed a chapter before realising that this was a flashback. I think this should, perhaps, be clearer from the offset. You capture a quite natural family scene but then there's suddenly a feeling of anxiety about a new girl in Stacey's son's life. I'm wondering why the panic and whether Joshua had issues that might have represented some kind of risk in a relationship? Small edit: Van Gogh. I don't understand the relevance of the title. That said, all an engaging read with excellent dialogue. The mystery continues. Thanks, Jacob. Debbie
Comment Written 04-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2024
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Thank you Debbie, I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Daylily
It took a moment before I realized you are giving us some background information. To help clarify that, you might add something at the beginning, such as
July 2022 -- Six months before the trial
I am thinking the blond is the victim. It will be interesting to find out what happens next.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2024
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It took a moment before I realized you are giving us some background information. To help clarify that, you might add something at the beginning, such as
July 2022 -- Six months before the trial
I am thinking the blond is the victim. It will be interesting to find out what happens next.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2024
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Thank you, I?m pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Interesting post. I can't wait to see exactly how it fits in. Is this blonde lady the one who was murdered. I can't wait for your next post.
'Mum, look at this.' My daughter, Rachel, calls out to me. (this,' my daughter)
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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Interesting post. I can't wait to see exactly how it fits in. Is this blonde lady the one who was murdered. I can't wait for your next post.
'Mum, look at this.' My daughter, Rachel, calls out to me. (this,' my daughter)
Comment Written 03-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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Thank you Barbara. I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Hi Jacob, I was a bit confused at first, then I realised it was a flash back, perhaps you can mention this to clarify it better. So we discover that her son had a girlfriend. Was she involved in the murder? Is she part of a conspiracy to get Joshua had up on a murder charge? Whatever it is, she is not a nice person! Well done, my friend. Another excellent chapter. Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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Hi Jacob, I was a bit confused at first, then I realised it was a flash back, perhaps you can mention this to clarify it better. So we discover that her son had a girlfriend. Was she involved in the murder? Is she part of a conspiracy to get Joshua had up on a murder charge? Whatever it is, she is not a nice person! Well done, my friend. Another excellent chapter. Sandra xxx
Comment Written 03-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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Thank you Sandra, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
I like that you established the current day story and some action before you gave us a hint as to who the murder victim was and how Joshua was involved with her. Good story-telling technique.
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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I like that you established the current day story and some action before you gave us a hint as to who the murder victim was and how Joshua was involved with her. Good story-telling technique.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 03-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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Thank you Pam, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
I feel like Stacey, that I am reading a description of an abstract painting here. I think it would help if you added 'backing up XXX months' at the beginning. Otherwise I liked the change away from the trial to a more normal life of young people. A little turbulence goes a long way for me. kay
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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I feel like Stacey, that I am reading a description of an abstract painting here. I think it would help if you added 'backing up XXX months' at the beginning. Otherwise I liked the change away from the trial to a more normal life of young people. A little turbulence goes a long way for me. kay
Comment Written 03-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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Thank you, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from BethShelby
I see you have dates at when this takes place but I don't remember the date of the trial. I think this must be flashing back to an earlier time before the son was accused to murder. I know you did a lot of flashing back an forth in the last book you posted. You haven't mentioned a lot of characters yet but it might help if you posted a character list as you go.
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reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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I see you have dates at when this takes place but I don't remember the date of the trial. I think this must be flashing back to an earlier time before the son was accused to murder. I know you did a lot of flashing back an forth in the last book you posted. You haven't mentioned a lot of characters yet but it might help if you posted a character list as you go.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2024
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Thank you Beth, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.