2024 Gypsy's Tanka
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "When You Are Not Around"*
5 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You have everything anybody could ever ask for in a perfect poem. The words you chose evoke vision in your readers mind and emotion in our heart. Thank you for sharing your talent with us.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2024
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You have everything anybody could ever ask for in a perfect poem. The words you chose evoke vision in your readers mind and emotion in our heart. Thank you for sharing your talent with us.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2024
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Thank you very much for your excellent review and kind words.
Gypsy hugs
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi MariVal,
this presentation just can't be any better than what it is... that first hit of the visual... the woman being lifted into the air off the dock and melting into butterflies underneath the new moon. I'm taken before I even get to read the words that you have matched it with. But after I did read it, how beautifully coupled in the use of the emotional senses.
How splendid! The visual within the Tanka poem gives off a physical reaction of being lifted in hope of seeing, looking over and in between the waves searching for her love... then you have allowed the other senses to come in and play... 'woven with cool sea breeze'... I love that!
But it doesn't stop there as you jump straight into your Senryu with a seamless flow...
Woven with cool breeze
'ocean mist all over me'... That is so very special!
The final Senryu leaves you just as it should... lingering-suspended in thought.
How beautiful... how absolutely passionately stunning!
With our thoughts we create...
the lone call of love.
Warmest regards,
James.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2024
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Hi MariVal,
this presentation just can't be any better than what it is... that first hit of the visual... the woman being lifted into the air off the dock and melting into butterflies underneath the new moon. I'm taken before I even get to read the words that you have matched it with. But after I did read it, how beautifully coupled in the use of the emotional senses.
How splendid! The visual within the Tanka poem gives off a physical reaction of being lifted in hope of seeing, looking over and in between the waves searching for her love... then you have allowed the other senses to come in and play... 'woven with cool sea breeze'... I love that!
But it doesn't stop there as you jump straight into your Senryu with a seamless flow...
Woven with cool breeze
'ocean mist all over me'... That is so very special!
The final Senryu leaves you just as it should... lingering-suspended in thought.
How beautiful... how absolutely passionately stunning!
With our thoughts we create...
the lone call of love.
Warmest regards,
James.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2024
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Hello, James! It's so good to hear from you and read yet another splendid words of understanding, intuition, and kindness. You express what I feel so well. Thank you. (*÷*)
When I write I go to another place within me where my emotions and imagery are, I'm happy you get it. I'm a very romantic person. I think I'm in love with being in love. I wish I could express my physical passion with someone I could tough but that's not in the cards now.
I love fanstory that provides a vehicle of artistic expression and I made so many friends, like you.
Con cariņo, tu mejor amiga,
Marival
-On the wings of passion, I wander to far-away lands. -Gypsy
Comment from lyenochka
You always write so well about the yearning and missing of a loved one. I really liked that you said that the waves were "woven with cool sea breeze"! I could visualize that! (and it's not "tangled" đ???)
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2024
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You always write so well about the yearning and missing of a loved one. I really liked that you said that the waves were "woven with cool sea breeze"! I could visualize that! (and it's not "tangled" đ???)
Comment Written 15-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2024
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Hahaha... now wherever I want to use tangle I thing of you. I can't promise I won't use it again.
Thank you, big sister.
Love,
Marival
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Lol. That's totally okay. I didn't want to be a killjoy but I know you have it in you to come up with a hundred other ways to get tangled up. 💖😊💞
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I have a dictionary and a "super thesaurus " (that's what it's called) that I use. I just like tangled but I don't want to sound repetitious.
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I think we all need to change things up to keep growing in our art. 😊💖
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
As usual your poetry is lovely. What I like even more, is the fact you teach us every time you write. You constantly try new things, you always are reaching to learn. That is a heavy gift. Thank you so much.
Karen
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2024
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As usual your poetry is lovely. What I like even more, is the fact you teach us every time you write. You constantly try new things, you always are reaching to learn. That is a heavy gift. Thank you so much.
Karen
Comment Written 14-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2024
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Thank you very much for your excellent review and kind words.
Gypsy hugs
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:-)
Comment from shelley kaye
love a light ocean mist in the breeze...
great tanka and senryu suite
nice imagery, deep feeling, and smooth flow
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
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reply by the author on 15-Jan-2024
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love a light ocean mist in the breeze...
great tanka and senryu suite
nice imagery, deep feeling, and smooth flow
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
..................................
Comment Written 14-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2024
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Thank you very much for your excellent review and kind words.
Gypsy hugs