Comment from dragonpoet

Excellent

Hi Aiona,
This is a nice poem about dealing with loss. It seems you your losing a lot that day. Since the power went out you really didn't need your remote. Did you read by flashlight or candlelight, since he power was out or was it daylight still?
Reading is always a good thing.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Have a great day.
Joan
P S Glad your son found your phone. Did it get warmed by the fire too? Haha. Or maybe dropped in rice to dry out.

 Comment Written 25-Jan-2024

---

reply by the author on 13-Mar-2024

Luckily it was in dry powder snow! So my phone was okay!

reply by dragonpoet on 14-Mar-2024

Yes, you were lucky. But I have been told putting a wet phone in a bag or bowl of rice will dry it out and make it work again.
JOan

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

I was reading and worried that you really did lose your cellphone under all that snow. We had snow, too, but not worth shoveling. Just the bitter cold. And where we used to live in Bellingham, every storm resulted in power outages. Hope you have power and are safe and sound.
Enjoyed your story poem with its aabbc rhyme scheme.

 Comment Written 14-Jan-2024

---

reply by the author on 14-Jan-2024

LOL! I did lose my cellphone in the snow a few years ago, but my son found it. Sharp eyesight, that kid. We do have power, but we are prepared in case we lose it. Thank you for asking! I hope you guys are doing okay too. I can't remember where you moved to, but hopefully you're "weathering" the storm well, also! Oh and thanks for your review. Any suggestions for improvement?

reply by lyenochka on 14-Jan-2024

Well, if you want poetry critique, I'd say you could try to be more consistent in the syllable length and try to keep it iambic. But since you're not following any specific format, it's not a problem.

reply by the author on 15-Jan-2024

I'll keep working on it. I was actually trying for anapestic. :( Obvs I failed! LOL!

reply by lyenochka on 15-Jan-2024

The first line is completely iambic:
My PHONE got LOST someTIME toDAY
For anapestic meter maybe:
Lost my PHONE in the MIDST of this DAY

reply by the author on 22-Jan-2024

Thanks, Lyenochka! Yes, those first two lines are definitely not anapestic. The rest of them seemed to come easier. Not sure why.

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

That sounded like a really snuggly outcome. Sitting by the fire all nice and warm before bed and a book. A good recipe for enjoying a little solitude. I enjoyed your take on this topic, well told.
Cheers

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2024

---

reply by the author on 12-Jan-2024

Thank you for your review, Pearl. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Comment from Yusita

Excellent

You approached this prompt from a unique perspective... building up to the "solitude" line through a story. I liked that you added your own twist to this prompt. Well done.

 Comment Written 12-Jan-2024

---

reply by the author on 12-Jan-2024

Thank you for your review, Yusita. I'm glad you liked it. Any suggestions for improvement?

reply by Yusita on 12-Jan-2024

Hmm? I think ?groan? would be better than ?moan?? contextually speaking :) before I say anything else, would you like to share what you?re going for with this piece? For example, do you want a steady meter/flow or a style that is more free? is this meant to be more of a playful piece etc?

reply by the author on 12-Jan-2024

Thanks! That's a neat suggestion, to replace "moan" with "groan," as it provides a bit of alliteration. It's a playful piece, but I tried to write it in mostly anapestic meter, but I know the first two lines are really out of place.