Comment from Debbie D'Arcy

Excellent

Michelle doesn't miss a trick does she? And she's really got Angela in a corner. I wonder why she feels so strongly because Angela was sounding pretty level-headed about any plans with William. You manage the dialogue between these girls so well, Jacob, and I have to wonder if you've got lots of sisters or something:)) There is a definite sense of some falling-out between Michelle and Angela. Some very small edits which I hope to find: I'm not sure if that particular book(')s my cup of tea: Look you've always got me to talk (to) about books (I think it would read slightly better that way). But this is excellent, Jacob, building up nicely, and with very relatable, realistic dialogue which I enjoy. Thanks for sharing. Debbie

 Comment Written 05-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023

Thank you Debbie.

Comment from BethShelby

Excellent

Michelle is not going to allow Angela to live her parents house if she sees William. It seem he really is bad news and maybe her friend are able to see it more clearly than she does. I think Angela doesn't like anyone giving her an ultimatum.

 Comment Written 05-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023

Thank you Beth.

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

I don't think Angela owe's Michelle any explanation about her behaviour as it is none of her business, but some friends can be interfering as in this case Jacob. I love the authentic dialogue in your well written chapter, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 05-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023

Thank you Dolly.

Comment from karenina

Excellent

Thanks to your well-written plot I'm see-sawing between Michelle as a culprit along with William...or perhaps she's the catalyst for whatever happens. Normally by this time, I've sorted things through! You're doing a great job keeping me guessing!

Karenina

 Comment Written 05-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023

Thank you Karenina.

reply by karenina on 05-Dec-2023

You're welcome, Jacob.

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I guess Michelle really doesn't like William and as we know for a very good reason. I like this story.

I pull the book from the shelf down that's caught my eye (adverb needs to be close to the verb it's describing, and this sentence reads awkward. 'I pull down the book from the shelf that caught my eye')

 Comment Written 05-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023

Thank you Barbara.

Comment from patcelaw

Excellent

I see from your profile that you have been writing, since you were nine years of age. I must say that you are very talented when it comes to writing. I enjoyed the story very much, and I listen to it all the way through as it held my attention so well. I wish you a very merry Christmas and a most happy and prosperous new year, Patricia

 Comment Written 05-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023

Thank you Patricia.