Comment from Navada

Excellent

This is very cute! The image is hilarious and you explore your chosen theme in a fun, lively way. I really enjoyed your author's note as well - the humour doesn't just have to stay in the poem itself! :) Thanks for the share and good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 11-Nov-2023

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reply by the author on 11-Nov-2023

Thank you, Navada. I'm happy to bring a smile to peoples hearts.

Comment from Rachelle Allen

Excellent

Hmmmm. I'm feeling a little woozy myself after reading this!

I think this line needs an adjustment:

I lay still, dad, though I was dead.

Is it supposed to be:
"I lay still. Dad thought I was dead"?

Hope you gallop into the Winner's Circle!!

 Comment Written 10-Nov-2023

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reply by the author on 10-Nov-2023

Thank you, Rachelle. :) I corrected what was wrong, but I did have fun writing this. :)

reply by Rachelle Allen on 10-Nov-2023

I bet! It was a cute read. xo

Comment from lancellot

Excellent

Very interesting. The rhyming for this poem is strong and the small tale is easy to follow. Good entry.

notes:

I lay still, dad, though I was dead.

-I lay still. Dad thought I was dead.

 Comment Written 10-Nov-2023

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reply by the author on 10-Nov-2023

Thank you, lancellot. :) I corrected what was wrong, but I did have fun writing this.

Comment from Wy Jung

Excellent

Funny poem. Clever.
For this line, I wonder if 'though' should be 'thought'?
--I lay still, dad, though I was dead.

Also I was thinking that 'stables' would be a good "tables" replacement... could be that was what you meant and it was just a typo.
That's a fun prompt. I hadn't seen it yet. Maybe I'll have a go at it too!.
Thanks for sharing. ~WY

 Comment Written 09-Nov-2023

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reply by the author on 10-Nov-2023

Thank you, Wy. :) I corrected what was wrong and I did have fun writing this.

Comment from JT traveller

Excellent

What better thing to lose than your marbles, particularly if you are oblivious to the fact at the time.

A fantastic entry for the competition. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it l. Best of luck. Jacqueline

 Comment Written 09-Nov-2023

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reply by the author on 10-Nov-2023

Thank you, Jacqueline. :) I did have fun writing it and I corrected it.

Comment from jmdg1954

Excellent

A complete non-sensical poem that rhymed.

You met the challenges criteria for - something lost - by taking it head on.

Changed yourself into a donkey in the interim, but what the heck! You had fun and so did I.

Good luck in the contest.
John

 Comment Written 09-Nov-2023

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reply by the author on 10-Nov-2023

Thank you, John. :) I corrected what was wrong, but I did have fun. :)