Comment from JSD

Excellent

Sounds great. We have gone from roughened wooden balls, to boiled goose feathers and now we have computer assisted suits. Love the way you have moved through time with this tale. Next please!

 Comment Written 28-Sep-2023

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reply by the author on 28-Sep-2023

A rather large jump this time, but this part moves us closer to the ending, and I felt it was time to start getting real. This is the last jump into the past, but I think the future is the really cool part.

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

I'm glad you put the ages of the kids as I was not sure if they were adults or not and what their role would be. I think it's an interesting idea but I wonder if you need this level of detail of the planning stage for the reader to know. I'm also wondering if you made such a device!

 Comment Written 28-Sep-2023

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reply by the author on 28-Sep-2023

If I had made such a device, I would be a billionaire, which I assure you I am not. Oh, how I wish I'd had a suit like that when I used to play golf!

The reason for the amount of detail is to make it as realistic sounding and believable as I can. I didn't think it would have the same effect if I were just to present it as a vague idea without making it sound plausible at the same time. I hope this amount of detail isn't off-putting, though I expect it may be to non-golfers, but my long-term plan for this novel is to try to publish it specifically as a golf novel. Although there is plenty of fantasy in this story, I didn't want this part to be overly reliant on fantasy.

reply by lyenochka on 28-Sep-2023

You should at least patent the idea!

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Excellent

This is good and seems to be more complete in the talking stage than in the other book. The idea is great, and you proved it would work in the other book, but it still seems difficult to do.

 Comment Written 27-Sep-2023

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reply by the author on 28-Sep-2023

Difficult and perhaps impossible. I don't really know. Hopefully I can make it sound realistic enough to be somewhat believable anyway.

Comment from Jay Squires

Exceptional

You are absolutely right, Jim. I do like this as background for what you had just shown the end of in a previous book. With the development of Abbey's idea and the potential problems that can occur along the way, though, I'm surprised that it's 70 percent over! But as long as you're in the driver's seat, I'll be a happy passenger, I'm sure.

Kenny, describe the swing for us, would you?" [And ... what follows you could probably copyright as the perfect description of a golf swing! Man!]

"I'd say it's more a matter of urging you to swing a certain way [You really need an extra space here for a paragraph change since it's a different speaker.]

All those crusty teaching pros would be out of a job if the public could buy a device like this. [Yeah Claire wasn't too far off with the robot idea. It is like AI in a suit: or a robot. And it is like the screen writers being afraid that AI will put them out of a job.]

"Wisenheimer." [Good dialogue exchange leads up to this!]

This was a really good addition to your novel, Jim. Kudos to you!

 Comment Written 27-Sep-2023

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reply by the author on 27-Sep-2023

Thank you so much, Jay. I was hoping my readers of Some Call It Luck would enjoy this trip back to that story. I initially conceived of Saving Mr. Calvin long before writing Some Call It Luck, and the suit was just going to be a part of this one. But while writing SCIL, I decided to borrow the idea and insert it there with the intention of jumping into this scene if I ever got around to writing SMC. Well, here we are, and the two are now married together; however, this will not just be a duplication of what was in SCIL, but will be enhanced quite a bit.

Now, how it fits into the larger story this one is trying to tell, we'll see when we get to Part 4, which hopefully will bring it all together.

Thanks also for the 6 stars. You are too kind!

Comment from Pam Lonsdale

Excellent

Ah, yes, muscle memory. How many times has my husband heard this during golf lessons:-)

Something like this certainly would revolutionize golf (and put pros out of business).

You're absolutely right about bad habits returning. To use my husband again as an example, every few months he signs up for another golf lesson to correct things that un-correct themselves. I imagine the pros need help from time to time, as well.

This part is completely different from the ones in the distant past. It will be interesting to see how this all ends.

 Comment Written 27-Sep-2023

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reply by the author on 27-Sep-2023

Yeah, the pros definitely get their swings tweaked all the time by their swing instructors. Golfers are forever fiddling with their swings trying to get back to those times they were swinging well. Sure wish I'd had a suit like this when I played to remind me.

Yes, this section is quite a bit different. Let's see how well I can marry it all up when we get to Part 4.

I had written a lot of this part into Some Call It Luck but enhanced it quite a bit for this story. I also consulted with my son who is a mechanical engineer to help make this idea at least semi-feasible. At least it sounds like it might work to the untrained reader.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

I was able to hit the golf ball naturally at my first attempt, because the discipline in cricket is similar, it's unnatural, the tendency that people have is to slice the ball, or hook it, but to contact the ball, needs to hit straight through it, which broadens the contact area, most cricketers are good at golf because of this, in fact some could have become professional, but chose cricket, which is also played internationally. Have a look on google. There are three forms of cricket. Beautifully written, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 27-Sep-2023

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reply by the author on 27-Sep-2023

Yes, in golf, the vast majority slice it, but a few hook it. A slice swing seems more natural to people. Many pros plan an intentional fade (a mild slice) but many also play an intentional draw (a mild hook). It's a matter of personal preference and what seems to come easiest.

reply by royowen on 28-Sep-2023

Well done

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

Okay, I am even more curious. I'll impatiently wait and see where you're going with this. It should be very interesting. I didn't see any way to improve this post. Thank you for sharing it with us.

 Comment Written 27-Sep-2023

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reply by the author on 27-Sep-2023

You'll find out at the beginning of Part 4 how it all ties together. That's about at the 80% point. We're now at 70% so not too far to go until then. Part 3 is the shortest of the parts.

Comment from Tom Horonzy

Excellent

So did you ... ever copyright the suit? I have seen pictures of Bobby Jones wearing some sort of apparatus. Still, the major problem would be sizing something to fit the masses.

 Comment Written 27-Sep-2023

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reply by the author on 27-Sep-2023

Nah, no copyright. I wouldn't have any idea how to go about making it. It may sound good on paper, but whether or not it's really feasible, who knows?

Comment from Debbie D'Arcy

Excellent

I think you've thought out every possible scenario with this suit, Jim, and, as a result, it all sounds very credible. Everyone will have a skill to share too. The other aspect of this story is that, as well as it being very entertaining, it continues to give the reader invaluable insight into the technique of playing golf. An original and impressive story well-written with no noticeable errors. Excellent and very publishable! Well done, Jim! Debbie

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 27-Sep-2023

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reply by the author on 27-Sep-2023

Thanks so much, Debbie. That's awfully kind.

I used to be a fairly good golfer before I had to finally give up the game last year due to too many bodily ailments, but I understand the swing pretty well. I can't play anymore, but I sure enjoy writing about it.

I'm going to attempt to get it published through the traditional route, so we'll see how that goes. I may end up self-publishing it on Amazon, but it's so hard to get it noticed there that it's hardly worth it. I've tried with a few others.

reply by Debbie D'Arcy on 27-Sep-2023

You must continue to try - there are a lot of golfers around and others who might wish to learn and be entertained at the same time:)

Comment from Paul Manton

Exceptional

This got my last six, Jim. I rarely give a six to stories, but apart from taking three hours to read, it was faultless in dialogue, narrative, logic and interest.
While my Smart-Shirt has ended Amazon's world, your golf-suit should make the world a better place. Incidentally, it will also make you a billionaire! (Remember me when you come into your kingdom!)

I just finished watching the Solheim (I used to watch it live) and soon cometh the Ryder - but your story will be with me all year round.
A masterpiece. An Albatross! (No, not that sort!)

Paul

 Comment Written 27-Sep-2023

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reply by the author on 27-Sep-2023

An albatross--wow! Never had one of those in real life, though I came close once when a second shot of mine on a par-5, which I couldn't actually see finish, ended up a foot and a half directly behind the hole, so it must have just skirted the hole.

Thank you so much for the high praise and for the 6 rare stars, Paul. It's very much appreciated. I was hoping this part wouldn't be too boring to any non-golfers who happen to be reading the story. So far from what I've heard, they appear to be interested in it.

Whether or not you play a sport, I personally find it interesting to learn some of the details and skills involved in playing it. I loved the US TV series Friday Night Lights which was all about high school football in Texas, even though I'm not a football fan, and I also loved John Grisham's Sooley which is all about a college basketball player, even though I'm not a fan of that either. There are ways to make sports exciting even though people aren't fans, and I've tried hard to do it with this story.

reply by Paul Manton on 27-Sep-2023

Very successfully, Jim. Thank you.