Comment from Debbie D'Arcy

Excellent

I really enjoyed reading the well considered sentiments in this verse and thought your rhyming is excellently done in an easy, unforced style. It's in the form of a sonnet with 10 syllable count, 3 quatrains, a couplet and pretty good meter if a little bumpy at times. I think you've done an excellent job here, Michelle and I wish you lots of luck in the contest! Debbie

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 06-Aug-2023

Thank you and that bumpiness is what I'm trying to fix. I can do it in my head but those darn words won't obey.

reply by Debbie D'Arcy on 06-Aug-2023

You're doing really well. When I read it the second time, for some reason, everything seemed to fit into place that much better. I think you have to be careful with lengthy words that are difficult to pronounce let alone get into a meter - like 'satiety' You're maybe giving yourself more work than you need. Perhaps stick to shorter words until you've really got the rhythm stuck in your head. I'm advising you here but to be honest I've done very few myself. They're not easy.

reply by the author on 06-Aug-2023

I agree. Thank you for the specific recommendations
They are helpful.

Comment from JSD

Excellent

Great stuff. A poem full of evil and dastardly sin. All those things that we should deny and yet give into. A really well written piece, in sonnet form I think? I wish you all the very best for the competition.

John

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 06-Aug-2023

Thank you. Yes, it was a sonnet or an attempt at one. Thank you for your review.