One Man's Calling
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "One Man's Calling, Ch 30"Following God
11 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
Yes, sir, one of the saddest verses in all of the Bible is "You almost persuaded me to become a Christian." So may under conviction, who just kept fighting to resist and accept. Thanks for sharing. Wish I had a six.
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2023
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Yes, sir, one of the saddest verses in all of the Bible is "You almost persuaded me to become a Christian." So may under conviction, who just kept fighting to resist and accept. Thanks for sharing. Wish I had a six.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2023
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Thank you. And thank you for the virtual six!
Comment from BethShelby
I love how well Ben ant the people watching out for him are protected from harm. Ben appears to be in good health now. but with all the preaching he does he still get tired. It looks as if though he will preaching wherever God sends him.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2023
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I love how well Ben ant the people watching out for him are protected from harm. Ben appears to be in good health now. but with all the preaching he does he still get tired. It looks as if though he will preaching wherever God sends him.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2023
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That's his calling. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Jim Wile
It appears we're at the conclusion of Ben's mission to Chicago. As always, he leaves having had a profound effect on many, especially the bad guys. He did an awful lot of good in Chicago, and there were many exciting times and some just plain fun ones too like the baseball games.
Now San Francisco is his next stop. This would make a good TV series with each week's episode being a new locale with new troubles for Ben to set right. You're keeping it interesting, Wayne.
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This sentence could use some work: "Ben fetched his soapbox and Jones, heading toward the depot that would take Jones to Denver and then on to Creede." Perhaps something more like, "Ben fetched his soapbox and bid farewell to Jones, who then headed toward the depot that would take him to Denver and back to Creede."
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2023
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It appears we're at the conclusion of Ben's mission to Chicago. As always, he leaves having had a profound effect on many, especially the bad guys. He did an awful lot of good in Chicago, and there were many exciting times and some just plain fun ones too like the baseball games.
Now San Francisco is his next stop. This would make a good TV series with each week's episode being a new locale with new troubles for Ben to set right. You're keeping it interesting, Wayne.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This sentence could use some work: "Ben fetched his soapbox and Jones, heading toward the depot that would take Jones to Denver and then on to Creede." Perhaps something more like, "Ben fetched his soapbox and bid farewell to Jones, who then headed toward the depot that would take him to Denver and back to Creede."
Comment Written 29-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2023
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Thank you for your super review and the excellent fix.
Comment from royowen
I think if one was a street evangelist, they would be most happy about that scripture of not touching God's anointed, I would be most happy, but then I knew the responsibility of carrying a prophesy, if one gets it wrong, the penalty is stoning, heh heh, beautifully written Wayne, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2023
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I think if one was a street evangelist, they would be most happy about that scripture of not touching God's anointed, I would be most happy, but then I knew the responsibility of carrying a prophesy, if one gets it wrong, the penalty is stoning, heh heh, beautifully written Wayne, blessings Roy
Comment Written 28-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2023
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Thank you for your very kind review.
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Most welcome
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Jones came at exactly the right time to help Ben. I am surprised that Ben is going to San Francisco as he had planned to be a teacher and coach at Tony's school. Of course, with the earthquake coming, they do need him out west.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2023
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Jones came at exactly the right time to help Ben. I am surprised that Ben is going to San Francisco as he had planned to be a teacher and coach at Tony's school. Of course, with the earthquake coming, they do need him out west.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2023
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Thank you. Ben set up the notion that schools should have counselors. He knew that he was not qualified. Thank you for your very kind review.
Comment from Jay Squires
Another fine saga you've given your readers, Wayne. I want to point out a few things I slowed down to comment on.
Worse than anything else. Ben heard rumors that other street preachers [I think you intended a comma after "else"]
Ben was heartbroken that his determination to rescue women, defying the risks, might have spilled over to them being threatened. [Wouldn't Ben have been heartbroken that his determination HADN'T spilled over to the women? Also, you should have a comma after "them" or add "while" before "being threatened".]
Inside Angelo's office awaited a surprise sitting in a chair opposite Angelo - Jones from Creede. [I'm sorry, Wayne, but this sentence is convoluted and would be more powerful if direct]
A devastating earthquake hit San Francisco in 1906. [The possibilities here are tremendous. It does bring up a question. I know that the timeframe is firmly in your mind, but wouldn't it be good to indicate such a timeframe within the story? It only makes sense that it was before the SF earthquake. So Ben will be there doing God's will during the earthquake's aftermath.
I hope I didn't come across too critically, Wayne. It's just that you have such a powerful narrative, and anything that I see that, in my opinion, might strengthen it, I feel obligated to tell you.
Thank you for writing Ben's story.
Jay
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2023
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Another fine saga you've given your readers, Wayne. I want to point out a few things I slowed down to comment on.
Worse than anything else. Ben heard rumors that other street preachers [I think you intended a comma after "else"]
Ben was heartbroken that his determination to rescue women, defying the risks, might have spilled over to them being threatened. [Wouldn't Ben have been heartbroken that his determination HADN'T spilled over to the women? Also, you should have a comma after "them" or add "while" before "being threatened".]
Inside Angelo's office awaited a surprise sitting in a chair opposite Angelo - Jones from Creede. [I'm sorry, Wayne, but this sentence is convoluted and would be more powerful if direct]
A devastating earthquake hit San Francisco in 1906. [The possibilities here are tremendous. It does bring up a question. I know that the timeframe is firmly in your mind, but wouldn't it be good to indicate such a timeframe within the story? It only makes sense that it was before the SF earthquake. So Ben will be there doing God's will during the earthquake's aftermath.
I hope I didn't come across too critically, Wayne. It's just that you have such a powerful narrative, and anything that I see that, in my opinion, might strengthen it, I feel obligated to tell you.
Thank you for writing Ben's story.
Jay
Comment Written 28-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2023
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Not too critical. I appreciate your help. You improve the story with every review. Thank you.
The notes comment of the SF earthquake was an aside for the non U.S. membership in an effort to explain why SF. Ben doesn't actually get to SF for another chapter (or 2) and he has plenty opportunity to get into more detail.
I went in to fix and realized the flaw. The 'them' in danger were the other street preachers, not the women. I fixed it. Thank you.
Comment from lyenochka
Really enjoyed this chapter. Seems like Ben's good friend, Jones, is the perfect spiritual and physical bodyguard. It's also good to hear from Livvy as the book moves us on from Chicago to SF and Livvy's letter connects back to before Chicago.
I especially liked the physical changes to describe the change in Mushmouth in "Mushmouth's appearance was as if every sinew and bone lost its rigidity, he slumped as if shrunken."
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2023
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Really enjoyed this chapter. Seems like Ben's good friend, Jones, is the perfect spiritual and physical bodyguard. It's also good to hear from Livvy as the book moves us on from Chicago to SF and Livvy's letter connects back to before Chicago.
I especially liked the physical changes to describe the change in Mushmouth in "Mushmouth's appearance was as if every sinew and bone lost its rigidity, he slumped as if shrunken."
Comment Written 28-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2023
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Thank you. You are so kind.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Ben's reach has now extended to Mushmouth and he organises him to make reparation for his sinful acts and pour money and support into the town whilst also seeking his own salvation. Now that his work is done, Ben is now to move on to San Francisco where he knows trouble awaits but his drive is so strong that there is a strong invincibility about him. Another well-written, well paced chapter, Wayne, in your inspiring book. Well done! Debbie
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2023
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Ben's reach has now extended to Mushmouth and he organises him to make reparation for his sinful acts and pour money and support into the town whilst also seeking his own salvation. Now that his work is done, Ben is now to move on to San Francisco where he knows trouble awaits but his drive is so strong that there is a strong invincibility about him. Another well-written, well paced chapter, Wayne, in your inspiring book. Well done! Debbie
Comment Written 28-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2023
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Thank you very much. But.... don't think Ben is on Easy Street.
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No way!
Comment from Ricky1024
Chapter 30 of "One Man's Calling"
Was well written. Rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and flowed well with No Grammar Issues.
The Objective and Adjective Contents were both Excellent, Exceptional while descriptive measures aligned perfectly.
Thanks for sharing this and have a great day.
Doctor Ricky
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2023
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Chapter 30 of "One Man's Calling"
Was well written. Rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and flowed well with No Grammar Issues.
The Objective and Adjective Contents were both Excellent, Exceptional while descriptive measures aligned perfectly.
Thanks for sharing this and have a great day.
Doctor Ricky
Comment Written 28-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2023
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Thank you.
Comment from Loretta Bigg
I like the continuation of the story and many things happen so that is good for me. I think you need a different word than "vocalize" as that is usually used to describe singing and it stands out in a bad way. Otherwise, really fun.
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reply by the author on 28-Jul-2023
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I like the continuation of the story and many things happen so that is good for me. I think you need a different word than "vocalize" as that is usually used to describe singing and it stands out in a bad way. Otherwise, really fun.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2023
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Thank you. I'll put on my thinking cap for vocalized.