Nameless
A ghost story.18 total reviews
Comment from Paul Manton
Papa Mike, you aced it!
What a great story - read like an authentic legend. There's a ghost you definitely want on your side - the nemesis of malefactors.
And a very good device to tell the story through the eyes of the two young friends.
Really good technique to let them introduce us to the background story through dialogue - then have them start to move off while we are still in an ambiguous state of mind. Is there really a ghost??
Next part -change of pace -and the real adventure of the kidnapper - again nicely paced narrative right up to the denouement and his destruction by Nameless.
Reminded me a bit of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.
A very well recounted ghost story.
Paul
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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Papa Mike, you aced it!
What a great story - read like an authentic legend. There's a ghost you definitely want on your side - the nemesis of malefactors.
And a very good device to tell the story through the eyes of the two young friends.
Really good technique to let them introduce us to the background story through dialogue - then have them start to move off while we are still in an ambiguous state of mind. Is there really a ghost??
Next part -change of pace -and the real adventure of the kidnapper - again nicely paced narrative right up to the denouement and his destruction by Nameless.
Reminded me a bit of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.
A very well recounted ghost story.
Paul
Comment Written 17-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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Hi, Paul. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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You're welcome, Mike
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Well I'm sorry Mike, but for me I don't think I can give any added help to this ghost story. I really enjoyed reading it and felt like I was standing alongside the boys. Good luck with it
cheers.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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Well I'm sorry Mike, but for me I don't think I can give any added help to this ghost story. I really enjoyed reading it and felt like I was standing alongside the boys. Good luck with it
cheers.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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Hi, Pearl. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from BethShelby
I didn't find any flaws with the story. It is a good ghost story. It least this is a helpful ghost. I guess there isn't really a legend about just a person. If you made up the legend about nameless it might be fun to tell why this ghost is shows up to help children.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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I didn't find any flaws with the story. It is a good ghost story. It least this is a helpful ghost. I guess there isn't really a legend about just a person. If you made up the legend about nameless it might be fun to tell why this ghost is shows up to help children.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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Hi, Beth. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Loretta Bigg
Just the right amount of scary, and the right amount of vigilante justice. I think I know that cemetery as well, so also a little bit of nostalgia. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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Just the right amount of scary, and the right amount of vigilante justice. I think I know that cemetery as well, so also a little bit of nostalgia. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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Hi, Loretta. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I love stories about haunting by real well deserving people. Imagine some who fought so hard having a nameless grave. This will get the reader wondering: "a strange car comes flying down the road. It has all the windows darkened and slams on the brakes to turn down the gravel road through the cemetery." This is a possible foreshadowing that she will get saved by Nameless: "but his hand grabs her blonde hair and yanks her back. The girl's scream is silenced with a loud slap." Well orchestrated.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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I love stories about haunting by real well deserving people. Imagine some who fought so hard having a nameless grave. This will get the reader wondering: "a strange car comes flying down the road. It has all the windows darkened and slams on the brakes to turn down the gravel road through the cemetery." This is a possible foreshadowing that she will get saved by Nameless: "but his hand grabs her blonde hair and yanks her back. The girl's scream is silenced with a loud slap." Well orchestrated.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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Hi, Liz. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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***Smile***
Comment from royowen
Isn't that a wonderful story? It sounds like it could be real, in fact, the thought of a crusading ghost is extremely useful, particularly in these cases of young girls, beautifully written Mike, a marvellous story, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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Isn't that a wonderful story? It sounds like it could be real, in fact, the thought of a crusading ghost is extremely useful, particularly in these cases of young girls, beautifully written Mike, a marvellous story, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 14-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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Hi, Roy. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
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Most welcome
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
I think this is a good story, Mike. The only thing I couldn't understand was why the boys were scared if he is a friendly ghost; but who wants to see a dead person walking around, good or bad?! Also, you refer to the boys as "young men", which makes them sound much older.
You tell us a nice story of a small town and two innocent boys who witness both a horrible act and a heroic one. I wish you good luck in the contest.
Pam
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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I think this is a good story, Mike. The only thing I couldn't understand was why the boys were scared if he is a friendly ghost; but who wants to see a dead person walking around, good or bad?! Also, you refer to the boys as "young men", which makes them sound much older.
You tell us a nice story of a small town and two innocent boys who witness both a horrible act and a heroic one. I wish you good luck in the contest.
Pam
Comment Written 14-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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Hi, Pam. Thank you for your kind words and help with this story!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from JSD
Really good, gripping writing. It's nice to have a friendly ghost who does good things and your story was happy and sweet, thank goodness. Unusual to have narrative in the present tense. John
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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Really good, gripping writing. It's nice to have a friendly ghost who does good things and your story was happy and sweet, thank goodness. Unusual to have narrative in the present tense. John
Comment Written 14-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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Hi, John. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from GWHARGIS
I like that the hairs on my arms stood up. You told a suspenseful story with a legend build up. The ghost appeared and then poof, gone back to the beyond. I like that you didn't need to use violence to shock or scare. There isn't anything better than a story that cN be told to multi generational people. Great job. Loved the ending. Gretchen
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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I like that the hairs on my arms stood up. You told a suspenseful story with a legend build up. The ghost appeared and then poof, gone back to the beyond. I like that you didn't need to use violence to shock or scare. There isn't anything better than a story that cN be told to multi generational people. Great job. Loved the ending. Gretchen
Comment Written 14-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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Hi, Gretchen. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment from Iza Deleanu
This is one kind of a story. For one moment I thought you'll go all Stephen King on me, but thanks God Nameless saved the day. Thank you for sharing and goo
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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This is one kind of a story. For one moment I thought you'll go all Stephen King on me, but thanks God Nameless saved the day. Thank you for sharing and goo
Comment Written 14-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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Hi, Iza. Thank you for your kind words!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
