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Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Respite from Despair"Fantasy based on the intersection of two worlds.
22 total reviews
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
We can tell this is a parallel world or something, but it is similar in many ways. I can't wait to peek into his world. Is it in the past? Is it in the future? Or, here but different? I'll keep reading. Karen
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2024
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We can tell this is a parallel world or something, but it is similar in many ways. I can't wait to peek into his world. Is it in the past? Is it in the future? Or, here but different? I'll keep reading. Karen
Comment Written 14-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2024
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Here but different, I think. A sort of bubble world.
Thanks again,
Hugs,
Rhonda
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see ya Karen
Comment from Jay Squires
My, Echo is quite a precocious child, isn't she? I think you chose fine ages for the youngsters. They are still steeped in innocence. Of course, at only three years Echo's senior, Theo's mind is working on an altogether higher level of knowledge. That mystery is part of the mystique of the story. I'm hooked!
Jay
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2023
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My, Echo is quite a precocious child, isn't she? I think you chose fine ages for the youngsters. They are still steeped in innocence. Of course, at only three years Echo's senior, Theo's mind is working on an altogether higher level of knowledge. That mystery is part of the mystique of the story. I'm hooked!
Jay
Comment Written 03-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2023
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He's an older brother which helps, but kids grow up early where he comes from, lol. I didn't want to make him too much older to seem creepy, so still made him a bit playful.
Again, my friend, this is priceless!!
Comment from BethShelby
I'm enjoyed your story. I very curious about what is so secretive Theo and why he isn't allowed to bring anyone to his home. I also wander if there will be anyone to come for echo since it is assumed she died in the fire. I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2023
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I'm enjoyed your story. I very curious about what is so secretive Theo and why he isn't allowed to bring anyone to his home. I also wander if there will be anyone to come for echo since it is assumed she died in the fire. I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2023
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Hi, Beth. Thank you for reading and leaving your comments. Echo?s plight will be solved next chapter, but the mystery of Theo will remain for a bit.
Thanks so much,
Rhonda
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
This is becoming more and more curious, Rhonda, I'm really looking forward to learning about Theo's world. I'm wondering if Echo will be invited to go there, especially if no one comes to find her. I like Theo, he is such a young gentleman, and so kind to Echo. They both seem to understand each other, which is something I wish more adults could do. Well done, my friend, this is a wonderful chapter. Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2023
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This is becoming more and more curious, Rhonda, I'm really looking forward to learning about Theo's world. I'm wondering if Echo will be invited to go there, especially if no one comes to find her. I like Theo, he is such a young gentleman, and so kind to Echo. They both seem to understand each other, which is something I wish more adults could do. Well done, my friend, this is a wonderful chapter. Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment Written 01-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2023
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Sandra, thank you so much for stopping by to read and review. Your comments are so very welcome.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Liz O'Neill
The background note makes the plot sound quite mysterious. It's interesting how both are remembering something about their mothers. This poignancy will draw some readers in. Good way of defining a concept: "Sorry, a sign to show we're growing up. Usually, someone in your home makes it for you based on what you want to be when you're grown, or something you're particularly good at right now." This is a good rest for the reader to wonder what will happen next. The reader will be drawn toward the next chapter.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2023
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The background note makes the plot sound quite mysterious. It's interesting how both are remembering something about their mothers. This poignancy will draw some readers in. Good way of defining a concept: "Sorry, a sign to show we're growing up. Usually, someone in your home makes it for you based on what you want to be when you're grown, or something you're particularly good at right now." This is a good rest for the reader to wonder what will happen next. The reader will be drawn toward the next chapter.
Comment Written 01-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2023
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Thank you so much for your careful review, Liz! I appreciate the care you took to look beneath the surface! There are a lot of parallels between the members of two very different societies.
Thanks again,
Rhonda
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***Hugs***
Comment from rspoet
Hello Rhoda,
This is an excellent chapter that adds depth to the two characters.
Theo is not only close to nature and quite advanced for an eight year old (at least one from our world), but an artist as well.
He also has an air about him that invites trust, and Echo needs that badly.
Being only five, and having just experienced an enormous tragedy, she
in very vulnerable. I like they way you have her projects feelings onto Cindy, her teddy bear.
Well done on all counts.
Best wishes.
Robert
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
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Hello Rhoda,
This is an excellent chapter that adds depth to the two characters.
Theo is not only close to nature and quite advanced for an eight year old (at least one from our world), but an artist as well.
He also has an air about him that invites trust, and Echo needs that badly.
Being only five, and having just experienced an enormous tragedy, she
in very vulnerable. I like they way you have her projects feelings onto Cindy, her teddy bear.
Well done on all counts.
Best wishes.
Robert
Comment Written 30-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
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Robert, thank you for the glowing six stars that even Echo would love.
I have one more chapter in this setting before it switches. I'm glad I was able to convey the trust in spite of tragedy aspect, because that's what I was going for.
Theo has more than one reason for being so advanced, but, then, that's for another part of the tale.
Thank you again, my friend,
Rhonda
Comment from estory
I think you have created a couple of warm characters here, likeable characters, and you draw us into their feelings for each other. I liked the dialogue, it was lively, and what I really found interesting was how you mangaged to line it with emotion underneath the conversation, in the voices themselves. A neat trick to pull off. There is a sense of mystery here, of affection, and suspense. estory
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
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I think you have created a couple of warm characters here, likeable characters, and you draw us into their feelings for each other. I liked the dialogue, it was lively, and what I really found interesting was how you mangaged to line it with emotion underneath the conversation, in the voices themselves. A neat trick to pull off. There is a sense of mystery here, of affection, and suspense. estory
Comment Written 30-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
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Thank you so much for the specific and supportive review. I was hoping for the best with the dialogue. I figured with children, they would have a lot to say. I, also, find it more fun, thanks for commenting on it.
All of what you said was what I was hoping to convey.
Thank you, again,
Rhonda
Comment from Paul Manton
Hello Rhonda. Is this the first review of your work? It certainly won't be the last, because I thought your piece was enchanting.
Writing dialogue between a 5 and an 8 year old takes a lot of skill: that is unlikely to take place in a school, so needs experience of family life. Authors without that experience but who can make it sound natural are very keen observers indeed. (I read in your notes that you had an inspiring dad.)
The trauma Echo experienced, mirrored in her fear of the campfire is well drawn - and the efforts of Theo, a boy not much older, show a wisdom and empathy way beyond what we would normally expect. It seems likely that he is more alien than he appears.
Really nice, natural, convincing dialogue about his family, whilst keeping an eye on echo's needs - the fish frying is no difficulty to him. I'm pretty sure most of my Grade2 class in suburban London would be quite clueless about frying a fish for supper, let alone gutting and filleting it!
I notice the quality of the English throughout the piece - and not least, the closing "Mesmerized, Echo watched him go . . ."
Thank you for this. I look forward to the next episode.
Paul
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
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Hello Rhonda. Is this the first review of your work? It certainly won't be the last, because I thought your piece was enchanting.
Writing dialogue between a 5 and an 8 year old takes a lot of skill: that is unlikely to take place in a school, so needs experience of family life. Authors without that experience but who can make it sound natural are very keen observers indeed. (I read in your notes that you had an inspiring dad.)
The trauma Echo experienced, mirrored in her fear of the campfire is well drawn - and the efforts of Theo, a boy not much older, show a wisdom and empathy way beyond what we would normally expect. It seems likely that he is more alien than he appears.
Really nice, natural, convincing dialogue about his family, whilst keeping an eye on echo's needs - the fish frying is no difficulty to him. I'm pretty sure most of my Grade2 class in suburban London would be quite clueless about frying a fish for supper, let alone gutting and filleting it!
I notice the quality of the English throughout the piece - and not least, the closing "Mesmerized, Echo watched him go . . ."
Thank you for this. I look forward to the next episode.
Paul
Comment Written 30-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
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Paul, the same name as my father/Muse, I am so excited that you?ve taken the time and effort to review.
The time and effort you spent on it is priceless. It is so helpful in driving my next chapter. I?m glad the dialogue worked between the two kids. I teach school as well, it my kids are teenagers. Sometimes the act a bit like little kids?
This is my second chapter in this book, the first being entered into the first chapter competition. I used to be on here all the time and have a lot of posts, but then life wandered me off for a while. This book is my attempt to refocus. I dearly appreciate you coming onboard!
Rhonda
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You're welcome, Rhonda
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Oh, and I noticed you?re a retired teacher. Nice!
I retired for 3 years, then we had a terrible teacher shortage in our area, so I accepted a position at a small school in my area.
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I eventually stopped when I was 72 - but my mind is still 27 (and sometimes just 7!)
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Lol, I understand. I?m 63, so have a few good years yet to teach, though I always know I can re-retire at any given moment!
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See you soon.
Paul
Comment from Pam (respa)
A very good chapter, Rhonda. You capture the nature of these children very well. They seem compatible, and Echo is comforted by Theo, his voice and his kindness. She trusts his judgment and likes learning about him, and really enjoyed the fish. We learn that his father is Greek and a good cook so that is how Theo learned.
Theo takes care to do the things his mother would do, like arranging flowers on their eating table. He also took care of Echo when she was frightened by the camp fire. She also took his suggestion to get a nap. When she woke up, Theo was till still there, and I am sure Echo was comforted by that. I like how Echo tells Theo not to be gone long because Cindy would get scared.
I like the ending when Theo has an unusual way of bouncing into the closest tree, and Echo thought it was pretty cool.
Very well done.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
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A very good chapter, Rhonda. You capture the nature of these children very well. They seem compatible, and Echo is comforted by Theo, his voice and his kindness. She trusts his judgment and likes learning about him, and really enjoyed the fish. We learn that his father is Greek and a good cook so that is how Theo learned.
Theo takes care to do the things his mother would do, like arranging flowers on their eating table. He also took care of Echo when she was frightened by the camp fire. She also took his suggestion to get a nap. When she woke up, Theo was till still there, and I am sure Echo was comforted by that. I like how Echo tells Theo not to be gone long because Cindy would get scared.
I like the ending when Theo has an unusual way of bouncing into the closest tree, and Echo thought it was pretty cool.
Very well done.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
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Thank you so much for the review and comments, Pam. As always, you are very specific, which helps so much.
Take care,
Rhonda
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You are very welcome, Rhonda.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
An interesting chapter, but who is Cindy? She was not introduced in the review of the first chapter. Maybe, a doll. Even here I feel a science fiction story will thread through this by the time you are through.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
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An interesting chapter, but who is Cindy? She was not introduced in the review of the first chapter. Maybe, a doll. Even here I feel a science fiction story will thread through this by the time you are through.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2023
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Hi Tom. Yes, Cindy is a teddy bear introduced in the first chapter. I?ll add her to the author?s notes. Thanks for noticing, and thanks for the review.
Definitely a sci/fi/fantasy adventure,
Take care,
Rhonda