One Man's Calling
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "One Man's Calling ch 8A"Following God
8 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
I'm reading this after the following chapter. I now understand better how he ended up in the camp full of drunks. He really didn't have a choice, or God sent him a message as Red slipped and fell. Good story. I think you might have meant "drunken revelry, not reverie."
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
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I'm reading this after the following chapter. I now understand better how he ended up in the camp full of drunks. He really didn't have a choice, or God sent him a message as Red slipped and fell. Good story. I think you might have meant "drunken revelry, not reverie."
Comment Written 01-May-2023
reply by the author on 01-May-2023
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I sure did. If reverie wasn't a word, WORD would have flagged it. Grrrr.
Thank you for your very nice review.
Comment from Jay Squires
Okay, I had forgotten the name of the demon character from the last post. Now we get some backstory about him. That's good. Here are a few things:
I'm not sure if you left out a word in the first paragraph. I think it was "was". (Since I'd downloaded this last night and am just now reading it, I thought you might have corrected it, so I checked a more current version. Nope. So it's just you and me ... lol.]
The young man, Ben Persons, seemed completely unaware, Ben Persons gazed left and right, [After "unaware" you need either a semi-colon or a period. Otherwise you have a run-on sentence (or comma splice, if you prefer).
Good chapter. You can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats his horse.
Jay
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2023
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Okay, I had forgotten the name of the demon character from the last post. Now we get some backstory about him. That's good. Here are a few things:
I'm not sure if you left out a word in the first paragraph. I think it was "was". (Since I'd downloaded this last night and am just now reading it, I thought you might have corrected it, so I checked a more current version. Nope. So it's just you and me ... lol.]
The young man, Ben Persons, seemed completely unaware, Ben Persons gazed left and right, [After "unaware" you need either a semi-colon or a period. Otherwise you have a run-on sentence (or comma splice, if you prefer).
Good chapter. You can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats his horse.
Jay
Comment Written 29-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2023
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Thank you.
(What happened to 38-0)?
smiley face here
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38's kinda busty, depending on the cup size, but I don't understand the 0.
Jay
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38-0
I thought I was replying to DragonSkulls. Sorry.
He thought my contest entry would win 38-0. We tied for 1st.
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You had my vote. You sure ended up better than the next to last you told me you were at, at the time.
Comment from lyenochka
Interesting about this other villainous character, Demone (looks like demon, too!) and how his path had crossed Ben's path several times before. I wonder if he's in the camp.
It's good that Red's legs were spared and hopefully the hunters would share some coffee with Ben.
Suggestion:
touch the hunters gear, (hunters')
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2023
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Interesting about this other villainous character, Demone (looks like demon, too!) and how his path had crossed Ben's path several times before. I wonder if he's in the camp.
It's good that Red's legs were spared and hopefully the hunters would share some coffee with Ben.
Suggestion:
touch the hunters gear, (hunters')
Comment Written 29-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2023
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Thank you for your very nice review. And for the catch.
Comment from Wendy G
Ben Persons continues to be an enigma, sure of himself and his calling, and very intuitive. God's protection is around him. I am enjoying the story and seeing where this leads.
Wendy
Queries:
The law had their eye on him ("its eye"?)
The young man, Ben Persons, seemed completely unaware, Ben Persons gazed left and right, a certain situational awareness part of his nature. (Perhaps make this two sentences, with a period after "unaware"?)
Once Red was loosed to forage as best, he was able through the snow, ...(no comma after "best")
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2023
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Ben Persons continues to be an enigma, sure of himself and his calling, and very intuitive. God's protection is around him. I am enjoying the story and seeing where this leads.
Wendy
Queries:
The law had their eye on him ("its eye"?)
The young man, Ben Persons, seemed completely unaware, Ben Persons gazed left and right, a certain situational awareness part of his nature. (Perhaps make this two sentences, with a period after "unaware"?)
Once Red was loosed to forage as best, he was able through the snow, ...(no comma after "best")
Comment Written 28-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2023
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Thank you. Appears as if I was a bit hasty in posting this part.
Comment from Jim Wile
Nice, Wayne. I love how we are getting a sense of the antagonist now and the fact that he unexpectedly is surprised by Ben's appearance, as if he has sensed an aura around Ben that took the starch right out of him.
You're making a nice contrast to Ben whose sensitivity toward his horse causes him to take extra care with him in the difficult path they follow, as well as Ben's desire not to startle the party in the wild by his hailing them in advance of just showing up.
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Just a couple of grammatical issues that might be improved:
"Some years later, Demone walked his spent horse into Creede, Colorado where saw a young man on a red gelding, the horse striking him as if soon to be his own, but a matter of a bullet and a shallow grave."
Should be "where he saw" and "but for a matter" instead of just "but a matter."
Also in the following paragraph, "Completely unaware, Ben Persons gazed left and right, a certain situational awareness part of his nature. Though the connection to the eyes of a man walking his horse flashingly brief, Demone froze as if shot."
It's a little difficult to follow because it looks at first as if you change person from Demone to Ben and back to Demone. It would be easier to follow if you continued the previous paragraph, without a paragraph break, as in:
"Some years later, Demone walked his spent horse into Creede, Colorado where he saw a young man on a red gelding, the horse striking him as if soon to be his own, but for a matter of a bullet and a shallow grave. The young man, Ben Parsons, seemed completely unaware of him as he gazed left and right, a certain situational awareness part of his nature. With a flashingly brief connection to the eyes of the young man, Demone froze as if shot." Jim
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2023
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Nice, Wayne. I love how we are getting a sense of the antagonist now and the fact that he unexpectedly is surprised by Ben's appearance, as if he has sensed an aura around Ben that took the starch right out of him.
You're making a nice contrast to Ben whose sensitivity toward his horse causes him to take extra care with him in the difficult path they follow, as well as Ben's desire not to startle the party in the wild by his hailing them in advance of just showing up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just a couple of grammatical issues that might be improved:
"Some years later, Demone walked his spent horse into Creede, Colorado where saw a young man on a red gelding, the horse striking him as if soon to be his own, but a matter of a bullet and a shallow grave."
Should be "where he saw" and "but for a matter" instead of just "but a matter."
Also in the following paragraph, "Completely unaware, Ben Persons gazed left and right, a certain situational awareness part of his nature. Though the connection to the eyes of a man walking his horse flashingly brief, Demone froze as if shot."
It's a little difficult to follow because it looks at first as if you change person from Demone to Ben and back to Demone. It would be easier to follow if you continued the previous paragraph, without a paragraph break, as in:
"Some years later, Demone walked his spent horse into Creede, Colorado where he saw a young man on a red gelding, the horse striking him as if soon to be his own, but for a matter of a bullet and a shallow grave. The young man, Ben Parsons, seemed completely unaware of him as he gazed left and right, a certain situational awareness part of his nature. With a flashingly brief connection to the eyes of the young man, Demone froze as if shot." Jim
Comment Written 28-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2023
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Thank you for your excellent review.
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I saved your notes for after I responded to reviews.
Thank you. You made an excellent improvement.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
There's quite a build-up here and some unfinished business. Good descriptive prose conveying the scenery and the hazardous ride on Red and the respectful relationship Ben has with his horse. We're left wondering how this next scene with the hunting-party will pan out and expecting, perhaps, a meeting between Ben and Demone following the latter's chilling experience earlier in the chapter. Thanks for sharing. Debbie
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2023
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There's quite a build-up here and some unfinished business. Good descriptive prose conveying the scenery and the hazardous ride on Red and the respectful relationship Ben has with his horse. We're left wondering how this next scene with the hunting-party will pan out and expecting, perhaps, a meeting between Ben and Demone following the latter's chilling experience earlier in the chapter. Thanks for sharing. Debbie
Comment Written 28-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2023
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Thank you for your very kind review.
Comment from BethShelby
I'm not sure what Ben's next mission is but I would think in might have something to do with Demone Lovelace. You have left us in a place where the sleeping men in the camp are starting to awaken and wondering who Ben might be. I'm anxious to see what is next for him.
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2023
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I'm not sure what Ben's next mission is but I would think in might have something to do with Demone Lovelace. You have left us in a place where the sleeping men in the camp are starting to awaken and wondering who Ben might be. I'm anxious to see what is next for him.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2023
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Demone is a repeat offender. (smiley face here)
Thank you for your very nice review.
Comment from Evelyn Hopkins
This chapter from "One man's calling" is very well written! Excellent details of the scenery and atmosphere. The dialogue is also very good. Have a good day! :)
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2023
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This chapter from "One man's calling" is very well written! Excellent details of the scenery and atmosphere. The dialogue is also very good. Have a good day! :)
Comment Written 28-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 28-Apr-2023
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Thank you for your very nice review.