Heart Crafted Poems - 2023
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Stay young"Musing of an old man
27 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
There is a touch of a cautionary tale weaving in and out of this pensive poem. As we age, we plow our own paths and find togetherness is still desired, though in moderation. ":Togetherness is everything when young" This is an interesting subject for discussion.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2023
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There is a touch of a cautionary tale weaving in and out of this pensive poem. As we age, we plow our own paths and find togetherness is still desired, though in moderation. ":Togetherness is everything when young" This is an interesting subject for discussion.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2023
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Liz, thank you. Yes this topic would create lovely deep dive about the perils of lost youth and the evils of adulthood.
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***Smirk***
Comment from Pearl Edwards
This is a lovely triple Quatrain interpretation of this picture JLR. I like that you've written from a passer by's perspective, one who has been there, done that and has advice for the young. Good one, cheers
Valda
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2023
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This is a lovely triple Quatrain interpretation of this picture JLR. I like that you've written from a passer by's perspective, one who has been there, done that and has advice for the young. Good one, cheers
Valda
Comment Written 10-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2023
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Valda, thank you for your thoughtful words.
Comment from Mark Kuglin
Although your poem was a bit on the simplistic side, I found it an enjoyable read
Congrats on hitting the format scheme.
Best of luck in the contest.
I hope you do well.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2023
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Although your poem was a bit on the simplistic side, I found it an enjoyable read
Congrats on hitting the format scheme.
Best of luck in the contest.
I hope you do well.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2023
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mark, thank you for your validation.
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My pleasure
Comment from Eleri
This is a good reading from the picture. It gives a beautiful and yet sad reflection upon friendship and the dreams of the young and the poem has a good structure. The rhyming is good but I think that the second verse is slightly more 'clunky' than the rest of the poem, ie I know why you have left out 'the' when referring to the passerby but it reads odd to me and I think the last line in that verse should be 'with a brickbat' rather than 'like' . However, I do really like this poem as it is wistful.
Eleri
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2023
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This is a good reading from the picture. It gives a beautiful and yet sad reflection upon friendship and the dreams of the young and the poem has a good structure. The rhyming is good but I think that the second verse is slightly more 'clunky' than the rest of the poem, ie I know why you have left out 'the' when referring to the passerby but it reads odd to me and I think the last line in that verse should be 'with a brickbat' rather than 'like' . However, I do really like this poem as it is wistful.
Eleri
Comment Written 09-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2023
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Eleri, your review, comments and suggestions reflect solid creative critique and this is, of course, very appreciated. Thank you.
Comment from GWHARGIS
One of the saddest things is to ask a five year old what their dream is and then ask them again in six or seven years. Things change. Reality starts to warp their perception of things. This was an awesome take on the picture. Great job. Gretchen
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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One of the saddest things is to ask a five year old what their dream is and then ask them again in six or seven years. Things change. Reality starts to warp their perception of things. This was an awesome take on the picture. Great job. Gretchen
Comment Written 08-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Smiles of appreciation and thanks.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent entry for the picture this challenge. I remember being that young and thinking it would last forever.
The rhymes and meter didn't seem forced.
the structure makes sense and it draws on emotions and it presents strong images.
I Would recommend it.
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason" -- Novalis
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Excellent entry for the picture this challenge. I remember being that young and thinking it would last forever.
The rhymes and meter didn't seem forced.
the structure makes sense and it draws on emotions and it presents strong images.
I Would recommend it.
Gypsy
"Poetry heals the wounds inflicted by reason" -- Novalis
Comment Written 08-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2023
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Thank you Gypsy for your thoughtfulness and kind validation.
Comment from Bill Schott
This triple quatrain, Stay Young, has a nice nice rhyme and reminds the readers to always look on life as unfolding and not all laid out. Then, there is still room to imagine and move forward.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2023
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This triple quatrain, Stay Young, has a nice nice rhyme and reminds the readers to always look on life as unfolding and not all laid out. Then, there is still room to imagine and move forward.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2023
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Bill, thank you for your words.
Comment from royowen
To we senior folk that have noticed that time is speeding up, rather than when we were young, when Christmas to Christmas was endlessly long, we yearn for those times, Judy to slow our lives down a little, well done great write, blessings Roy
Typo : (Closley) knit. Closely?
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2023
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To we senior folk that have noticed that time is speeding up, rather than when we were young, when Christmas to Christmas was endlessly long, we yearn for those times, Judy to slow our lives down a little, well done great write, blessings Roy
Typo : (Closley) knit. Closely?
Comment Written 07-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2023
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oh! my?. Thanks for the extra set of far better eyes on y work then my own. I better get my eyes checked, ugh.🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️
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Well done
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Jim,
This is a good response to the picture this challenge. It is so true that in youth you could talk of anything and think it would come true. I think your advice at the end is good,
Keep writing and stay healthy
Joan
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2023
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Hi Jim,
This is a good response to the picture this challenge. It is so true that in youth you could talk of anything and think it would come true. I think your advice at the end is good,
Keep writing and stay healthy
Joan
Comment Written 07-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2023
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🙏🙏🎶🎶🙃🙃
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You're welcome, I guess. I don't know how to read emogis.
Joan
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Joan, thanks for stating this! I will remember this moving ahead! Your strong validation of my closing stanza is most appreciation. I am doing everything in my power to convince my eight grand children, that the best of America is ahead and to beleive that one by one they can makea contributory difference.
Comment from Sally Law
Aw, this is a super sweet poem on friendship. These friends are so blessed to have each other, especially if they are a good influence.
Sending you my best today as always and best wishes for the challenge.
Sal XOs
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2023
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Aw, this is a super sweet poem on friendship. These friends are so blessed to have each other, especially if they are a good influence.
Sending you my best today as always and best wishes for the challenge.
Sal XOs
Comment Written 07-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2023
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Hoping you are doing great Sal.🙏🙏