Grandpa's Surprise
Contest entry16 total reviews
Comment from Olivanne Marsh
A contest winner and I can see why. Bet a lot of readers wish they had a grandpa like yours...or is this a story about the fantasy present you wanted for your 16th birthday?
"Both engines revved like earthquakes at the line. The flag dropped." I thought this would have been a better start for the story, puts the reader right in the center of the action. Then you could add in an edited version of what happened the day before as back story. Although the back story is relevant you could condense it and save some words for what I see is the real excitement...the race and the win. For the reader the race and the win is the heart of the matter, I think. The writing is fine, you've got a good eye for detail and the dialogue is arresting. Your grandpa must have been a pretty hip guy.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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A contest winner and I can see why. Bet a lot of readers wish they had a grandpa like yours...or is this a story about the fantasy present you wanted for your 16th birthday?
"Both engines revved like earthquakes at the line. The flag dropped." I thought this would have been a better start for the story, puts the reader right in the center of the action. Then you could add in an edited version of what happened the day before as back story. Although the back story is relevant you could condense it and save some words for what I see is the real excitement...the race and the win. For the reader the race and the win is the heart of the matter, I think. The writing is fine, you've got a good eye for detail and the dialogue is arresting. Your grandpa must have been a pretty hip guy.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2022
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That would have been a great way to start it, Olivanna. I'll have to remember it for next time. I love the movies that do that. I never really though about it before, give a hint of the ending and go back prior to that and build up. Great idea. Thank you for the fantastic review and generous stars, Olivanne. I've watched numerous movies like that but never thought of starting a story like that. Thank you for the idea. I'm glad you liked the piece. Have a great rest of your weekend.
=]
Ron
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
What a wonderful surprise and this Grandpa was a lot of fun and I enjoyed your special story and congratulations on your well deserved win too, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2022
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What a wonderful surprise and this Grandpa was a lot of fun and I enjoyed your special story and congratulations on your well deserved win too, love Dolly x
Comment Written 16-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2022
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Hey, Dolly, hello. Thank you so much for the great review and huge sixer. I dearly appreciate the congrats and rating. I'm glad you liked my little tale. Have yourself a wonderful weekend.
=]
Ron
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You are most welcome Ron, well deserved x x x
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent entry for the 'A Special Time contest'
Nothing as fun as a cool grandpa.
He was a bit smart Alec and sarcastic with a good sense of humor.
I love mustangs. I had a convertible one.
Well done! Good luck in the contest.
Gypsy
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Excellent entry for the 'A Special Time contest'
Nothing as fun as a cool grandpa.
He was a bit smart Alec and sarcastic with a good sense of humor.
I love mustangs. I had a convertible one.
Well done! Good luck in the contest.
Gypsy
Comment Written 15-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Thank you for the great review, Gypsy. I really appreciate the generous stars and good luck wishes. I'm glad you liked the piece.
=]
Ron
Comment from Dr. Von
Great memories like good stories never get old. I enjoyed reading this piece. My spouse has a similar memory he shares with great detail about his blue 'boo. I enjoyed your story from beginning to end. What a marvelous birthday and an outstanding birthday gift. Thanks for sharing your story. Well done.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Great memories like good stories never get old. I enjoyed reading this piece. My spouse has a similar memory he shares with great detail about his blue 'boo. I enjoyed your story from beginning to end. What a marvelous birthday and an outstanding birthday gift. Thanks for sharing your story. Well done.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Thank you for the fantastic review, Dr, Von. I really appreciate the generous stars. Sounds like Boo was pretty great.
=]
Ron
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You are very welcome.
Comment from Bill Schott
This story, Grandpa's Surprise, is a neat tale where the cool older gent puts his years of skill and huge balls up in order to get his teenage grandson a fab car in this spectacular fashion. Very entertaining.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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This story, Grandpa's Surprise, is a neat tale where the cool older gent puts his years of skill and huge balls up in order to get his teenage grandson a fab car in this spectacular fashion. Very entertaining.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Thank you for the great review, Bill. I appreciate the stars, friend. I'm glad you liked the piece.
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Ohhh, WOW!! What a great story! I was so invested, you'd have thought I was going to get a new sports car at the end!! I'd love to know what the parts were that were fact and which ones were fiction...but, then again, I actually DON'T want to know. In my mind, it's ALL fact, and you have the coolest grandfather who ever lived, no close seconds!
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Ohhh, WOW!! What a great story! I was so invested, you'd have thought I was going to get a new sports car at the end!! I'd love to know what the parts were that were fact and which ones were fiction...but, then again, I actually DON'T want to know. In my mind, it's ALL fact, and you have the coolest grandfather who ever lived, no close seconds!
Comment Written 15-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Hey, Rache, hi. Well, I had a grandpa. Lol. Other than that, I was leaning on the fictional side of this contest. I could have written about bailing hay or milking cows but that wouldn't have been too entertaining. Haha. He was pretty cool, but not this cool, unless he was racing with his tractor, of course. Lol. Thank you for the great review and stars, R. I'm glad you liked my little tale.
=]
Ron
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HAHAHAHA!! Oh, you bad, bad renegade boy, you!
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If you ever read something on here by me that was actually true, go buy a lottery ticket because it's your lucky day. Hahaha
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Will do! Thanks for that tip.
Comment from lyenochka
A jaw-dropping ending! I'm really surprised at what happened here and I don't know anything about "pink slipping." Great dialogue with sarcasm mixed in and story twist! Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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A jaw-dropping ending! I'm really surprised at what happened here and I don't know anything about "pink slipping." Great dialogue with sarcasm mixed in and story twist! Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 15-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Thank you for the great review, Helen. Pink slipping is where two people race their cars for the the title of the the other one. Whoever wins the race, wins the other person's car. I really appreciate the generous stars and good luck wishes. I'm glad you liked the piece.
=]
Ron
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Yes, you explained it in your notes. Great storytelling!
Comment from LyndaS
I never knew either of my grandfathers but I was raised by two grandmothers who were very strict. Not a picnic. I can only imagine what having a grandpa would have been like, let alone a cool one like yours was. What a great ride! Loved the story and this'll do great in the booth. Well done, sir.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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I never knew either of my grandfathers but I was raised by two grandmothers who were very strict. Not a picnic. I can only imagine what having a grandpa would have been like, let alone a cool one like yours was. What a great ride! Loved the story and this'll do great in the booth. Well done, sir.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Thank you for the great review and giant six, Lynda. My grandpa was pretty cool, but not this cool. I wish. Lol. There's a bit of fiction in this piece. I don't really remember my grandpa's car. Every time the family was there, we were there all day. We never went out in Grandpa's ride. Even when I spent a couple summers there, he never drove anywhere. It was Grandma that did all the running around. Yes, I'm sure with two strict grandma's was no easy road growing up with. Thank you again for the great review, Lynda. I'm glad you liked the piece.
=]
Ron
Comment from Pantygynt
Some grandpa you had eh! I am told something similar does go on over here, but if so I've never come across it. I think it's more demonstrative and less competitive over here. The lads just show off a bit doing donuts and burning rubber.
Then I saw this was fiction and I stopped being jealous. A good read though.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Some grandpa you had eh! I am told something similar does go on over here, but if so I've never come across it. I think it's more demonstrative and less competitive over here. The lads just show off a bit doing donuts and burning rubber.
Then I saw this was fiction and I stopped being jealous. A good read though.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Lol. Yeah, I wish my granddad was this cool. Haha. I just figured milking cows and bailing hay wouldn't make for an entertaining story. I really appreciate the stars and great review, Pantygynt. Thank you, friend.
Ron
Comment from Wendy G
Enjoyed this one too! Certainly not your typical grandparents. Did you mean to set it out almost like poetry? I didn't enter as I never lived with my grandparents, and hence have no stories about any time with them. So I just wrote a piece called "No stories".
Question mark after "Where are we headed?"
Hope you do very well in the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Enjoyed this one too! Certainly not your typical grandparents. Did you mean to set it out almost like poetry? I didn't enter as I never lived with my grandparents, and hence have no stories about any time with them. So I just wrote a piece called "No stories".
Question mark after "Where are we headed?"
Hope you do very well in the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 14-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2022
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Hey, Wendy, hi. How I see it, if your grandparents lived with you, that would have qualified to rules. That was a great piece and surely would have taken the whopping 10 dollar top prize here. Lol. Sorry your granddad went through that horror. I could imagine how one would keep it bottled up.
Thank you for the great review and for seeing the goof, W. I fixed it. Have yourself a fantastic rest of your day.
=]
Ron
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I was dq for a Christmas story about my family?s celebration on Christmas Eve, ?because Christmas hasn?t happened yet and you can?t write about something that hasn?t happened?!
Being told ?a pet was mine to look after while its owners were away?. Dq because it wasn?t really mine. Fact and fiction were acceptable - but it had to be true that the pet was your own. I did wonder if all the ownership certificates had been duly checked and verified, and also about how the quality of the writing was impacted because my dog was not really mine!