The Tor
Viewing comments for Chapter 45 "Chapter of Faults"Adventures around & upon a hill
11 total reviews
Comment from country ranch writer
9/9/2022----7:13 pm
Fault is considered by the act committed.If one is guilty everyone is considered guilty.it is a mind gage to get everyone to feel the pressure ofguilt.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2022
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9/9/2022----7:13 pm
Fault is considered by the act committed.If one is guilty everyone is considered guilty.it is a mind gage to get everyone to feel the pressure ofguilt.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2022
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Thank you for your involved review. You are absolutely correct. And mass guilt is great for control.
Comment from robyn corum
Liz,
Very interesting information about what may go on in these kinds of places. I can't help but note that you are only 'TELLING' in this chapter and not 'SHOWING'. Did all of this happen before? The ladies are now discussing the situations they were all caught up in? Make sure you keep the writing in view at all time - telling is never as well-received as showing. Right??
Other nots:
1.) "Jill, those lovely flowers you (and?) Francis grew in your
--> or was she taking the place of this Francis person?
2.) when I was so troubled about our dear missing sheep Stewy.(")
3.) rather than returning it to the dishwasher,
--> in the 16th century?
4.) were you aware that you have the cast listed at the beginning AND the end? Be careful - as you know, anything that makes a post look longer can deter readers around here! ha
5.) In the 'telling' category again, please understand that it isn't necessary to TELL folks what you are about to tell them. Right? A lot of your dialogue begins with the narrator telling what the character is about to say. EX:
--> It was my turn to insert my perception of the whole thing. "I remember the mystery and creepiness that hung in the air... (So we already knew what you were going to say.)
--> Caren joined in mirroring my thoughts. "And then we found out the big secret. (So we know what SHE was going to say before she said it -though not the words.)
--> Jill continued venting her original thoughts. "Abbot Richard... (We can figure most of this stuff out on our own as readers - that's what we're here for. You don't need to tell us so much.)
Thanks and good luck!
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2022
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Liz,
Very interesting information about what may go on in these kinds of places. I can't help but note that you are only 'TELLING' in this chapter and not 'SHOWING'. Did all of this happen before? The ladies are now discussing the situations they were all caught up in? Make sure you keep the writing in view at all time - telling is never as well-received as showing. Right??
Other nots:
1.) "Jill, those lovely flowers you (and?) Francis grew in your
--> or was she taking the place of this Francis person?
2.) when I was so troubled about our dear missing sheep Stewy.(")
3.) rather than returning it to the dishwasher,
--> in the 16th century?
4.) were you aware that you have the cast listed at the beginning AND the end? Be careful - as you know, anything that makes a post look longer can deter readers around here! ha
5.) In the 'telling' category again, please understand that it isn't necessary to TELL folks what you are about to tell them. Right? A lot of your dialogue begins with the narrator telling what the character is about to say. EX:
--> It was my turn to insert my perception of the whole thing. "I remember the mystery and creepiness that hung in the air... (So we already knew what you were going to say.)
--> Caren joined in mirroring my thoughts. "And then we found out the big secret. (So we know what SHE was going to say before she said it -though not the words.)
--> Jill continued venting her original thoughts. "Abbot Richard... (We can figure most of this stuff out on our own as readers - that's what we're here for. You don't need to tell us so much.)
Thanks and good luck!
Comment Written 08-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2022
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Thank you for your involved review. This is like a group therapy session for these women who have just gotten back into the 21st century from being vortexed into the 16th Glastonbury Monastery where they 'escaped' just before they were beheaded. It was a traumatic year and they are processing it.
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
I think you assured me, sometime in the past, on a review of a different chapter, that this may be fiction, but is based on factual activities. Is that correct?
Several concerns:
Cast of Characters:
At Cyndy: SUGGEST (four) instead of (4) A general rule is: Spell out numbers below 10. Numerals should be used for numbers 10 and above, but numbers nine and below should be spelled out.
At Mary Jo: SUGGEST inserting (is) between (Jo) and (in charge)
After ********
Para 1, 2nd sentence: I THINK (as) should be (and) unless Jill and Francis are two personalities of the same person and I just have not read that part yet.
Para 2, 3rd sentence: (MaryJo) should be (Mary Jo) as per character list
Para 2, 4th sentence: Need closing quote marks after (Stewy.)
Para 13, 4th sentence: (above.") should be (above?") pinctuation
Para 15, 3rd sentence: Need closing quote marks after (acknowledge it.)
Para 16, 1st sentence: Remove opening quote mark. This appears to be narration and not someone speaking.
Para 16, 2nd sentence: (Did I forget?'.) Should be (Did I forget?') Double punctuation.
Para 21, 2nd sentence: I THINK (his) should be (hers) these are all ladies, aren't they?
Para 22, 2nd sentence: Add comma after (alone)
Para 22, 2nd sentence: (Draconion) should be (Draconian) spelling
Para 22, 2nd sentence: I THINK (ways. An) should be (ways." An) Isn't the sentence referencing Drako a narrator's insertion, and not part of a quote?
Para 25, 2nd sentence: (...'yes'.) Should be (...'yes.') The standard rule in American punctuation is that periods and most commas go inside quote marks, whether single or double.
If this really is fiction, based on actual events, I am still stupefied by the intensity of the environment. I guess I am so innocent as to not even be aware of things that may occur in other religions.
Great story, very interesting.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2022
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I think you assured me, sometime in the past, on a review of a different chapter, that this may be fiction, but is based on factual activities. Is that correct?
Several concerns:
Cast of Characters:
At Cyndy: SUGGEST (four) instead of (4) A general rule is: Spell out numbers below 10. Numerals should be used for numbers 10 and above, but numbers nine and below should be spelled out.
At Mary Jo: SUGGEST inserting (is) between (Jo) and (in charge)
After ********
Para 1, 2nd sentence: I THINK (as) should be (and) unless Jill and Francis are two personalities of the same person and I just have not read that part yet.
Para 2, 3rd sentence: (MaryJo) should be (Mary Jo) as per character list
Para 2, 4th sentence: Need closing quote marks after (Stewy.)
Para 13, 4th sentence: (above.") should be (above?") pinctuation
Para 15, 3rd sentence: Need closing quote marks after (acknowledge it.)
Para 16, 1st sentence: Remove opening quote mark. This appears to be narration and not someone speaking.
Para 16, 2nd sentence: (Did I forget?'.) Should be (Did I forget?') Double punctuation.
Para 21, 2nd sentence: I THINK (his) should be (hers) these are all ladies, aren't they?
Para 22, 2nd sentence: Add comma after (alone)
Para 22, 2nd sentence: (Draconion) should be (Draconian) spelling
Para 22, 2nd sentence: I THINK (ways. An) should be (ways." An) Isn't the sentence referencing Drako a narrator's insertion, and not part of a quote?
Para 25, 2nd sentence: (...'yes'.) Should be (...'yes.') The standard rule in American punctuation is that periods and most commas go inside quote marks, whether single or double.
If this really is fiction, based on actual events, I am still stupefied by the intensity of the environment. I guess I am so innocent as to not even be aware of things that may occur in other religions.
Great story, very interesting.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2022
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Thank you for your constructive review. This originally began based on an actual trip we took to England for my friend Sally Ann (Cordela) to complete the 2nd part of a harp therapy course. We went to all kinds of power spots. That is all factual. I deviated for the past life bit. But knowledge of monks' life based on fact. The history of the destruction & death of monks there is research. The characters are my friends who do what is described for hobbies or careers. The last part once we get to the top of the Tor soon to be written is also based on fact. All emotional experiences are based on fact.
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I'll be first in line for that last part. I have to see what other surprises are in store for these ladies.
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I have noted you observations and am in the process of editing. Wow, there were a lot.
Thank you
Comment from aryr
Definitely a great, well done, continuation chapter, Liz. Once these ladies got on a roll, they proceeded in leaps and bounds. Although Madeline was the narrator, she frequently handed the rain to someone else. Now it was Karin's turn. Very much enjoyed.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
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Definitely a great, well done, continuation chapter, Liz. Once these ladies got on a roll, they proceeded in leaps and bounds. Although Madeline was the narrator, she frequently handed the rain to someone else. Now it was Karin's turn. Very much enjoyed.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
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Thank you as always for your loving review. I don't think you are aware of how much your presence on here means to me. Oooof, now I've put responsibility on you....lol
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Oh no, responsibility!!! You are most welcome, Liz.
Comment from Jay Squires
Confession time. I liked the part where Madeline was unsure whether [s]he had been the one who left the glass on the table, and everyone chose to "take a knee". Your experience in a convent adds to the verisimilitude of your story.
We might have blown it by getting giggling." [Very minor, but there is something unpleasant about "GETTING giggling". Perhaps, "Starting to giggle." (?) ]
Caren joined in with my thoughts. [Either "joined in with HER thoughts", or "joined in ABOUT my thoughts."]
Good chapter, Liz.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
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Confession time. I liked the part where Madeline was unsure whether [s]he had been the one who left the glass on the table, and everyone chose to "take a knee". Your experience in a convent adds to the verisimilitude of your story.
We might have blown it by getting giggling." [Very minor, but there is something unpleasant about "GETTING giggling". Perhaps, "Starting to giggle." (?) ]
Caren joined in with my thoughts. [Either "joined in with HER thoughts", or "joined in ABOUT my thoughts."]
Good chapter, Liz.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
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Thank you for your supportive review. It was stupid wash pan left on a back little porch that stands out in my memory. Of course it could be any of us. We looked at each other with the face we make for, 'who knows?'
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is more of summarizing what the girls experienced while they were at the Abby and that's interesting, Liz. Perhaps a little action, while they share their experiences could make it a little more engaging? Otherwise, well done.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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This is more of summarizing what the girls experienced while they were at the Abby and that's interesting, Liz. Perhaps a little action, while they share their experiences could make it a little more engaging? Otherwise, well done.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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Thank you for your involved review.
Thank you for your wonderful review. People seem to think there needs to be more action & suspense, but that is not the purpose. It's a bit like listening in on a group therapy session...ah, yes, that's it...you helped me identify it...thank you May I should indicate it somewhere. Should I note it or have one of the ladies announce it. "Hey, this is feeling good. It is like a group therapy session."
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You're welcome, Liz. Yes, maybe having one of the ladies announce it would be a great idea! :)
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Ok I will do that in the next chapter.
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thumbs up! :)
Comment from jessizero
Not a lot happened in this new addition, but I enjoyed it anyway. I am glad you keep sharing this story. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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Not a lot happened in this new addition, but I enjoyed it anyway. I am glad you keep sharing this story. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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Thank you for your wonderful review. People seem to think there needs to be more action & suspense, but that is not the purpose. It's a bit like listening in on a group therapy session...ah, yes, that's it...you helped me identify it...thank you
Comment from lyenochka
I'm sure Karin will have some new revelations, too. It was good that there was such a strong connection and fellowship among the monks that they all knelt and assumed guilt. That's a great way to deal with that Abbot!
it assuaged the Abbot's Draconion ways. (draconian)
allusion to Drako, the 7th century (Draco) but I've seen "Drako" too
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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I'm sure Karin will have some new revelations, too. It was good that there was such a strong connection and fellowship among the monks that they all knelt and assumed guilt. That's a great way to deal with that Abbot!
it assuaged the Abbot's Draconion ways. (draconian)
allusion to Drako, the 7th century (Draco) but I've seen "Drako" too
Comment Written 06-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2022
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Thank you for your involved review. It occurred to me, this is like listening in on a group therapy session.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is well-written but seems to slow down the action. I wonder, since they are on a tour, if they couldn't be discussing this as they move on. I don't really remember some of this happening, but maybe it seems to slow down simply because I am reading this over a matter of a few weeks, which is not the way a book reader would be reading it.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022
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This is well-written but seems to slow down the action. I wonder, since they are on a tour, if they couldn't be discussing this as they move on. I don't really remember some of this happening, but maybe it seems to slow down simply because I am reading this over a matter of a few weeks, which is not the way a book reader would be reading it.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022
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Thank you for your involved review. You have nailed it, Carol. There is a sense of artificiality when it is at least a week before I read someone elses new chapter. I cling to their review to remember what has been going on.
Comment from LovnPeace
contributions in the 16th century. "Jill, those lovely flowers you (as) Francis grew in you
Karin had a way to know when and how (to) cut to the quick for healing purposes. "As long.
Interesting interchange. A very harsh world then. Blessings, Barbara. Xo
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022
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contributions in the 16th century. "Jill, those lovely flowers you (as) Francis grew in you
Karin had a way to know when and how (to) cut to the quick for healing purposes. "As long.
Interesting interchange. A very harsh world then. Blessings, Barbara. Xo
Comment Written 05-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2022
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Thank you for your involved review.
Thank you for your interested review. It is difficult coming in cold. If you are interested, it is about a real trip to England but tweaked to go 'Twilight Zone ish' The first 18 chapters are about the power spots we visited, along with a crop circle. All with discussion about the Michael & Mary ley lines. This was building up to an idea of a sense we'd gotten, that we'd been there before. There were some pretty horrible things that happened. So I decided to write about them. You are welcome to scan through my portfolio to read any chapters leading up to this chapter. You could begin on chapter 16 to get into it. No need for a review, just enjoy.
I am showing people how difficult the monk and Sisters' lives were. I lived this life for 3 years. Then things finally relaxed for the Sisters anyway. Things were much slower for the monks. In the 60's the ones in Vermont were nearly starving, with no recreation or fun.