Comment from Tom Horonzy

Excellent

Very nice ............................................................................................................................................................

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2022

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2022

Thanks, how do you get away with a review with just two words?

Comment from SimianSavant

Good

First a short note on apostrophes:

In your subtitle: it should be *Petersons* because it is plural, not possessive.

The Petersen's daughter <= this one is both plural and possessive, so it should be *Petersens' daughter*. Or, you can write Petersens's. Either is fine but usually the first one is used.

There was many people there that day. <= should be *There WERE many people*

This writing piece could benefit from some sort of action, tension. It is a bit like a piece of music where only one or two major triads are played, like the Joker's smile permanently painted on his face. A surprising amount of children's writing seems to consist of that these days though so you will not have a shortage of readers if you paired it with the right audience, lol. Anyway good job constraining your piece to fit the contest rules.

Best,

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2022

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2022

Thanks

Comment from Rachel Jamerson1

Excellent

Thank you for sharing this experience with others. A perfect picture of a loving family enjoying the handiwork of God. You were creating lifetime memories for your children.

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2022

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2022

I don't have children