Lament
Death of a newborn.3 total reviews
Comment from SimianSavant
This is really good, and hits home. A couple small things. "Newborn" is one word. Your work is very powerful because it is symbolic, and as the subtitle already tells the subject, I think it would be even MORE powerful if you avoid using the word *baby*, and look for an adjective. Like, "tiny" or a two syllable adjective starting with an S to alliterate with "shoes", as you did at the end with sung and sad.
Supple
Silent
Silent
Scentless
I think *scentless* might be the strongest word for you here, because everyone remembers the smell of a new baby.
Thanks for the read and good luck in the contest!
Best, H
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2021
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This is really good, and hits home. A couple small things. "Newborn" is one word. Your work is very powerful because it is symbolic, and as the subtitle already tells the subject, I think it would be even MORE powerful if you avoid using the word *baby*, and look for an adjective. Like, "tiny" or a two syllable adjective starting with an S to alliterate with "shoes", as you did at the end with sung and sad.
Supple
Silent
Silent
Scentless
I think *scentless* might be the strongest word for you here, because everyone remembers the smell of a new baby.
Thanks for the read and good luck in the contest!
Best, H
Comment Written 30-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2021
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Thanks for suggestions. Corrected new born and I think I'll stick with baby shoes. I did think about silent, but I think baby brings more meaning. Appreciate your feedback.
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Thanks for suggestions. Corrected new born and I think I'll stick with baby shoes. I did think about silent, but I think baby brings more meaning. Appreciate your feedback.
Comment from Patty Palmer
First, if this has happened to you, may I send my condolences. No parent should have to bury a child. This picture grabbed me right away and the words brought me to tears. I lost a son as well, but he was 36 and very ill. I can't imagine how it would feel to lose a newborn baby. Good luck with the contest.
Patty
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2021
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First, if this has happened to you, may I send my condolences. No parent should have to bury a child. This picture grabbed me right away and the words brought me to tears. I lost a son as well, but he was 36 and very ill. I can't imagine how it would feel to lose a newborn baby. Good luck with the contest.
Patty
Comment Written 30-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2021
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So sorry to hear of your loss. Thank you for sharing and the honor of a six star review.
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So sorry to hear of your loss. Thank you for sharing and the honor of a six star review.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Few words here with much sadness as this child did not have the chance of life, a very sad poem that tells a tale of loss, I wish you luck with the contest, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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Few words here with much sadness as this child did not have the chance of life, a very sad poem that tells a tale of loss, I wish you luck with the contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 29-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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Thank you, Dolly, for your read. Appreciate your feedback.