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We all need satisfaction.5 total reviews
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Whew! A futuristic crime story! More accurately, a thriller story of horror. This woman is clearly a psychopath, who got a thrill from taking someone's life. She took the poor, unsuspecting man off-guard, apparently in a society where there were no safeguards against crime, since the expectation for it didn't exist.
I didn't understand this phrase:
"her eyes shimming in the darkness." Perhaps you meant "shimmering" or "shining."
I would be interested to know the rest of the story. I will send you a private message with my email address, when the contest is over.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2021
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Whew! A futuristic crime story! More accurately, a thriller story of horror. This woman is clearly a psychopath, who got a thrill from taking someone's life. She took the poor, unsuspecting man off-guard, apparently in a society where there were no safeguards against crime, since the expectation for it didn't exist.
I didn't understand this phrase:
"her eyes shimming in the darkness." Perhaps you meant "shimmering" or "shining."
I would be interested to know the rest of the story. I will send you a private message with my email address, when the contest is over.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2021
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I will send you the rest of the story. I am so glad you liked the shorter version.
Comment from LeftHandedScribe
Nina sighed mournfully as she dropped her flowered covered gown and stepped into her dressing chamber. She much preferred her old fashion shirts and blouses then (should be than) the dull threads that were mandatory. This passage is just one example of the wonderful imagery and style you have. You spelled than as then, and I would encourage you to double check for spelling as it can put a stop in an otherwise wonderful work.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2021
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Nina sighed mournfully as she dropped her flowered covered gown and stepped into her dressing chamber. She much preferred her old fashion shirts and blouses then (should be than) the dull threads that were mandatory. This passage is just one example of the wonderful imagery and style you have. You spelled than as then, and I would encourage you to double check for spelling as it can put a stop in an otherwise wonderful work.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2021
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I am glad you liked the story and thank you for pointing out the error. I try to read over it but sometimes my eyes trick me because my brain knows what I wanted to put down. Thank goodness for all you who read and help me find my mistakes.
Comment from Mistydawn
What a story. It's well-written, interesting, believable from start to finish. Your character seems realistic, she really came to life. I like your take on the future living on other planets, the AI's and all. I know this is only supposed to be flash-fiction, but I could see how it could easily be a longer, very interesting story with a lot of possibilities. Good luck with your contest.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2021
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What a story. It's well-written, interesting, believable from start to finish. Your character seems realistic, she really came to life. I like your take on the future living on other planets, the AI's and all. I know this is only supposed to be flash-fiction, but I could see how it could easily be a longer, very interesting story with a lot of possibilities. Good luck with your contest.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much for the stars. I am so honored. This story took me some time. I thought about it and planned it out and then when I got into writing it nothing I had planned made it in. I find it funny the things we write to get to the story.
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Lol. That's usually the way it goes for me, the reason I don't outline, why I keep writing myself in a corner, lol.
I could see where the situation could get a little complicated, awkward lol.
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I like the change. Think it will do well
Comment from Goodadvicechan
A very well written story. Nina seemed to be handling the situation well.
The author is a good story teller. It isn't difficult to follow through the whole piece.
Good writing skills.
Good luck to your contest.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2021
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A very well written story. Nina seemed to be handling the situation well.
The author is a good story teller. It isn't difficult to follow through the whole piece.
Good writing skills.
Good luck to your contest.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much for taking the time to review.
Comment from Jay Squires
Mia, I am so sorry to be the one to tell you this, but your entry will be disqualified for its length. I know because I entered it myself and had a devil of a time keeping it within the maximum 500 words. Yours I counted as 2666 words. It's not likely you'll be able to bring this by more than 2000 words, But if you have something you can whip up in the next few days to substitute for this... Once again, I'm so sorry, Mia.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2021
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Mia, I am so sorry to be the one to tell you this, but your entry will be disqualified for its length. I know because I entered it myself and had a devil of a time keeping it within the maximum 500 words. Yours I counted as 2666 words. It's not likely you'll be able to bring this by more than 2000 words, But if you have something you can whip up in the next few days to substitute for this... Once again, I'm so sorry, Mia.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2021
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Oh my gosh, I got so into writing this piece that I total forgot about the word count. Thank you so much for pointing that out. Sometimes the story runs away with you. I guess we will see if I can pull another out.
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Good luck, Mia.