One Sunny Night
Viewing comments for Prologue "One Sunny Night-Chapter 4"Romance of visitor to Alaska
13 total reviews
Comment from Loren .
Okay, i see I may have to go back and catch up to what is going on here. You lead the reader into the story very well, not rushed, which I respect. It is almost a "gentle" telling yet with throbbing undertones. My wife and i are "horse people" so I find your setting and story line, intriguing. Loren
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2021
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Okay, i see I may have to go back and catch up to what is going on here. You lead the reader into the story very well, not rushed, which I respect. It is almost a "gentle" telling yet with throbbing undertones. My wife and i are "horse people" so I find your setting and story line, intriguing. Loren
Comment Written 06-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2021
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Thanks for giving time to read this. Glad you enjoyed the horse riding. I appreciate your comments.
Comment from RetroStarfish
This sounds like an interesting story, and I love the information you've included about life in Alaska. I enjoyed reading this - a lot - but there are a few small errors and one big one.
The tense switches back and fourth from past tense to present tense.
"A smile swept over her.... His face lights up..."
It pulls the reader out of the story to switch back and fourth like this.
These other observations are minor:
Danielle handed him the puppy. "Sorry ma'am, I'll take care of him."
To describe Danielle's actions and then go into dialogue in the same paragraph makes it appear that it's Danielle who's saying "sorry ma'am..."
'...along the velvet nose of pinto mare.' Missing a word.
"Riding was my most favorite when I was a kid." Missing a word.
'...he explained he began plants in the spring months...' should be 'he began growing plants in the ...'
...hold a big interest in you" Should be 'hold a big interest for you" and there needs to be a period or some punctuation.
'gazed at a kingsize bed, soft colored carpet that shone in sunrays from a full glass wall overlooking the estate.' Missing word (king sized bed and soft colored carpet that...)
I look forward to reading the next chapter.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2021
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This sounds like an interesting story, and I love the information you've included about life in Alaska. I enjoyed reading this - a lot - but there are a few small errors and one big one.
The tense switches back and fourth from past tense to present tense.
"A smile swept over her.... His face lights up..."
It pulls the reader out of the story to switch back and fourth like this.
These other observations are minor:
Danielle handed him the puppy. "Sorry ma'am, I'll take care of him."
To describe Danielle's actions and then go into dialogue in the same paragraph makes it appear that it's Danielle who's saying "sorry ma'am..."
'...along the velvet nose of pinto mare.' Missing a word.
"Riding was my most favorite when I was a kid." Missing a word.
'...he explained he began plants in the spring months...' should be 'he began growing plants in the ...'
...hold a big interest in you" Should be 'hold a big interest for you" and there needs to be a period or some punctuation.
'gazed at a kingsize bed, soft colored carpet that shone in sunrays from a full glass wall overlooking the estate.' Missing word (king sized bed and soft colored carpet that...)
I look forward to reading the next chapter.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2021
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Thank you for taking time to read this chapter. I very much appreciate your comments about needs to improve it.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Everything it's too perfect, I wonder what this mansion hides. It's true love or something else? Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2021
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Everything it's too perfect, I wonder what this mansion hides. It's true love or something else? Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2021
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Thank you for taking time to read this. I appreciate you comments.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Lovely! Elegant narration--vivid imagery--believable characters and dialog. Fine work!
malemutes=>MALAMUTES
sugg:
Don't think I've been likely to noticed that."=>
Don't think I'd likely have noticed that.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2021
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Lovely! Elegant narration--vivid imagery--believable characters and dialog. Fine work!
malemutes=>MALAMUTES
sugg:
Don't think I've been likely to noticed that."=>
Don't think I'd likely have noticed that.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2021
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Thanks for your suggestion. I appreciate you taking time to read this.
Comment from Lyn Peters
Oh, Alaskastory, One Sunny Night - Chapter 4 - has provided such a clear and lovely glimpse into Alaska. Thank you for your lovely prose. I will look forward to reading more of your work in the future. I didn't find any thing at all, in your submission, that requires suggested correction. Wishing you happy writing.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2021
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Oh, Alaskastory, One Sunny Night - Chapter 4 - has provided such a clear and lovely glimpse into Alaska. Thank you for your lovely prose. I will look forward to reading more of your work in the future. I didn't find any thing at all, in your submission, that requires suggested correction. Wishing you happy writing.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2021
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Thank you for taking time to read this. I appreciate your comments.
Comment from Mastery
Hello dear friend. I feel good that I caught this chapter. It is wonderful effective writing, Marie.
Like here, for instance: " But no, she had felt a wave of gratitude and chose to be gentle. All these weeks she had liked having him for a friend."
A good assemblage of words there.
Also, great imagery here, " ....... a king sized bed, soft colored carpet that shone in sunrays from a full glass wall overlooking the estate. "This room is astonishingly beautiful," said Danielle.
Wonderful writing, dear friend. Bob
but reverse the way it is stated, were I you. Change from "
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2021
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Hello dear friend. I feel good that I caught this chapter. It is wonderful effective writing, Marie.
Like here, for instance: " But no, she had felt a wave of gratitude and chose to be gentle. All these weeks she had liked having him for a friend."
A good assemblage of words there.
Also, great imagery here, " ....... a king sized bed, soft colored carpet that shone in sunrays from a full glass wall overlooking the estate. "This room is astonishingly beautiful," said Danielle.
Wonderful writing, dear friend. Bob
but reverse the way it is stated, were I you. Change from "
Comment Written 03-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2021
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Goodness a 6 rating, last thing I expected! Thanks so much for reading through this. You are very encouraging, Bob.
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Excellent writing, Marie. Bless you. Bob
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Excellent writing, Marie. Bless you. Bob
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear Alaska Story, I am so happy to receive this post. It has been a while since I have heard from you, but you are writing with your usual style and enthusiasm. I do not know which is your greater gift; The excellent descriptions of everything that defines Alaska, or the feeling That the narrator, who is you, is the heroine in the story.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2021
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Dear Alaska Story, I am so happy to receive this post. It has been a while since I have heard from you, but you are writing with your usual style and enthusiasm. I do not know which is your greater gift; The excellent descriptions of everything that defines Alaska, or the feeling That the narrator, who is you, is the heroine in the story.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2021
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I very much appreciate your comments. Thanks for taking time to read this.
Comment from irishauthorme
No sixes left, but this deserved one! Very well written, and real characters. I really liked your description of the flowers and flowering trees, could relate, comparing our short growing season here in Wyoming, knowing the Alaska season must be even shorter, hence the appreciation of growing, blooming things. I have to go back and read the first chapters of your story to get a better grasp, will do. Like the tension, added flavor!
irish
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2021
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No sixes left, but this deserved one! Very well written, and real characters. I really liked your description of the flowers and flowering trees, could relate, comparing our short growing season here in Wyoming, knowing the Alaska season must be even shorter, hence the appreciation of growing, blooming things. I have to go back and read the first chapters of your story to get a better grasp, will do. Like the tension, added flavor!
irish
Comment Written 03-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2021
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Wonderful comments by you. Thanks so much for taking time to read this.
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
I have not seen this story yet, but it is interesting and an enjoyable read. Your characters are believable, and their conversations seem real and natural. Well written!
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2021
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I have not seen this story yet, but it is interesting and an enjoyable read. Your characters are believable, and their conversations seem real and natural. Well written!
Comment Written 02-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2021
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Thanks so much for reading it. Hopefully I won't delay the next chapter as long as before.
Comment from Wendy G
I have missed the first part of this novel, but really enjoyed this chapter, which is very descriptive but also has interesting characters and intertwining relationships. I will look forward to more.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2021
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I have missed the first part of this novel, but really enjoyed this chapter, which is very descriptive but also has interesting characters and intertwining relationships. I will look forward to more.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much for taking time to read this and encouraging me to write more.