Sleep Tight - part one
part one27 total reviews
Comment from w.j.debi
You really set the stage with your excellent scene descriptions. What a ratty place Sean lives in. It shows just how terrible his life is. He gave up so much to gain so little and doesn't seem to realize the world moved on without him. I look forward to chapter two.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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You really set the stage with your excellent scene descriptions. What a ratty place Sean lives in. It shows just how terrible his life is. He gave up so much to gain so little and doesn't seem to realize the world moved on without him. I look forward to chapter two.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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Many thanks for checking this one out. G
Comment from muffinmama
Excellent depiction of a life gone wrong, which lives often do when greed insinuates itself into a life. Regret is such a useless emotion, taking over all reasoning. To not be able to move past regret just about guarantees a waste of a life. If, if ,if is the most pathetic sentiment and prevents forward movement.
Just one editing comment: In the following sentence, there is no noun to which the first clause refers:
Easing himself off the bed, the mattress didn't recover, ...
In other words, it's not the mattress that is easing himself off the bed. To fix it, you would need to say something like "Easing himself off the bed, he noticed that" the mattress didn't recover, etc.
Looking forward to reading part 2.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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Excellent depiction of a life gone wrong, which lives often do when greed insinuates itself into a life. Regret is such a useless emotion, taking over all reasoning. To not be able to move past regret just about guarantees a waste of a life. If, if ,if is the most pathetic sentiment and prevents forward movement.
Just one editing comment: In the following sentence, there is no noun to which the first clause refers:
Easing himself off the bed, the mattress didn't recover, ...
In other words, it's not the mattress that is easing himself off the bed. To fix it, you would need to say something like "Easing himself off the bed, he noticed that" the mattress didn't recover, etc.
Looking forward to reading part 2.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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Much appreciated. thanks for reading. GMG
Comment from dmt1967
This is a really good story and I can't wait for the next chapter. I liked the way you captured the scene and made it real. The dialogue flowed as well. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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This is a really good story and I can't wait for the next chapter. I liked the way you captured the scene and made it real. The dialogue flowed as well. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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I find that the more you can root a piece in reality the more you can get away with later on! lol Much appreciated. G
Comment from aryr
Very well done, G. It had all of the requirements-the mystery, the suspense, the deplorable state of his home and the neighbor across the hall. The surprise that he found awaiting him at his former home-his ex-Susan was with David, another ex. I think he lost time when he was in prison, his girls were now grown. Great job.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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Very well done, G. It had all of the requirements-the mystery, the suspense, the deplorable state of his home and the neighbor across the hall. The surprise that he found awaiting him at his former home-his ex-Susan was with David, another ex. I think he lost time when he was in prison, his girls were now grown. Great job.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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Many thanks. Much appreciated as always. G
Comment from Leann DS
Great storyline with very vivid and realistic dialogue. Character development is excellent. If I may, I found a few typographical errors:
He grabbed his jacket and within four strides was at the door. The knob rattled at he exited.
: as he exited
As he pulled the door to, the door opposite opened revealing an elderly gentleman
: as he pulled the door to him
rooting around in the plant pots on either side until he found the spare key which they'd always secreted there.
:they'd always secretted there
Entertaining and interesting read! Well done! Hugs.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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Great storyline with very vivid and realistic dialogue. Character development is excellent. If I may, I found a few typographical errors:
He grabbed his jacket and within four strides was at the door. The knob rattled at he exited.
: as he exited
As he pulled the door to, the door opposite opened revealing an elderly gentleman
: as he pulled the door to him
rooting around in the plant pots on either side until he found the spare key which they'd always secreted there.
:they'd always secretted there
Entertaining and interesting read! Well done! Hugs.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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Many thanks for your thoughts on this one. GMG
Comment from Lyn Peters
You did an artful job of taking us into Sean Flynn's dismal world in Sleep Tight - part one. You leave me feeling hopeful that Sean will find a way to redeem himself (though, you made it very clear that he chose his path).
Thank you for sharing your work. I'll look forward to future entries. All the best.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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You did an artful job of taking us into Sean Flynn's dismal world in Sleep Tight - part one. You leave me feeling hopeful that Sean will find a way to redeem himself (though, you made it very clear that he chose his path).
Thank you for sharing your work. I'll look forward to future entries. All the best.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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Redemption may not be all it's cracked up to be! Many thanks. GMG
Comment from amada
This iss a very forceful story about dark ambitions that can turn into much disaster. Your lines are bare, simple, to the point, without adornments. Your lines lead to reflection.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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This iss a very forceful story about dark ambitions that can turn into much disaster. Your lines are bare, simple, to the point, without adornments. Your lines lead to reflection.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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Many thanks for reading this one. GMG
Comment from kmoss
I can't wait to see what happens next. Where did the mark come from? Why did the previous resident disappear? Hmmm. Interesting story.
This is a good description: Easing himself off the bed, the mattress didn't recover, holding hostage the depression his ass had made.
I didn't like the unmade bed part in the beginning. It's probably just me, but I think there could be a word that describes an unmade bed better.
Hurry up and write the next chapter! I'm going to follow you so I do not miss part two.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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I can't wait to see what happens next. Where did the mark come from? Why did the previous resident disappear? Hmmm. Interesting story.
This is a good description: Easing himself off the bed, the mattress didn't recover, holding hostage the depression his ass had made.
I didn't like the unmade bed part in the beginning. It's probably just me, but I think there could be a word that describes an unmade bed better.
Hurry up and write the next chapter! I'm going to follow you so I do not miss part two.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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yeah, maybe, I'll think about that unmade bed bit. lol Many thanks. G
Comment from DonandVicki
Very believable, written as fiction but I'm sure this isn't far from the truth for a lot of individuals who followed the wrong path. You bring up quite vivid images with your descriptions.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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Very believable, written as fiction but I'm sure this isn't far from the truth for a lot of individuals who followed the wrong path. You bring up quite vivid images with your descriptions.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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I think the best fiction has to have a certain ring of truth to it. the more believable you make certain aspects, thee more you can get away with! lol G
Comment from greyson ernst
this is really really good honestly why have i not seen your poems these last 4 months and as always keep writing and stay safe
sincerely Greyson Ernst
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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this is really really good honestly why have i not seen your poems these last 4 months and as always keep writing and stay safe
sincerely Greyson Ernst
Comment Written 25-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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any thanks. GMG