Autumn Walk
Walking on fallen leaves brings a niffty sound.6 total reviews
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Mystery Poet
I enjoyed your poem, and the walk in the woods. I miss that. I used to hunt every fall when I was young. There are two things that stand out for me in your 3-7-5 poem...
"beneath our treading footfalls" ... (instead of offering a parallel for "walk" ... in "treading", why not describe your footfalls in those big boots? I suggest,
beneath our tramping footfalls)
and ,
"corn flake leaves crackle" ... what a terrific closing line! I love how you describe the leaves, "corn flake leaves". And nice consonance here, too, with 'k", "r" and "l" sounds. The sounds of your walk bring the poem to life... stomping boots and the crackle of dry leaves underfoot.
Nicely penned! Good Luck in the contest! This could be the winner.
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2020
Hi Mystery Poet
I enjoyed your poem, and the walk in the woods. I miss that. I used to hunt every fall when I was young. There are two things that stand out for me in your 3-7-5 poem...
"beneath our treading footfalls" ... (instead of offering a parallel for "walk" ... in "treading", why not describe your footfalls in those big boots? I suggest,
beneath our tramping footfalls)
and ,
"corn flake leaves crackle" ... what a terrific closing line! I love how you describe the leaves, "corn flake leaves". And nice consonance here, too, with 'k", "r" and "l" sounds. The sounds of your walk bring the poem to life... stomping boots and the crackle of dry leaves underfoot.
Nicely penned! Good Luck in the contest! This could be the winner.
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 04-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2020
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Thanks much for your read and suggestion. I will incorporate. Help is always appreciated.
Comment from bnair
I can actually visualize that! Pretty cool. Fall days. I feel like a lot has changed back in the day there would be a lot of leaves everywhere now not as much.....
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2020
I can actually visualize that! Pretty cool. Fall days. I feel like a lot has changed back in the day there would be a lot of leaves everywhere now not as much.....
Comment Written 04-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2020
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Thanks for your read and review.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
You brought the scene to life here with your words and I heard the crunching under foot, much enjoyed and good luck with the contest, crunchy cornflakes! love Dolly x
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2020
You brought the scene to life here with your words and I heard the crunching under foot, much enjoyed and good luck with the contest, crunchy cornflakes! love Dolly x
Comment Written 04-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2020
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Every time I eat cornflakes I think of fallen leaves. Thanks for your read and review.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I love your metaphor. I love the crunching sound of the leaves. They were a comfort to me when I used to leave the school grounds after being bullied all day. In 2nd grade the long term substitute teacher was the worst. Just like cornflakes, leaves nurture. Well thought out.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2020
I love your metaphor. I love the crunching sound of the leaves. They were a comfort to me when I used to leave the school grounds after being bullied all day. In 2nd grade the long term substitute teacher was the worst. Just like cornflakes, leaves nurture. Well thought out.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2020
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Sorry about the bullying. Thanks for the read and sharing. I too love walking over the crackling leaves, somehow they still are a comfort.
Comment from L. Kalere
I love your imagery with the cornflake leaves...very clever. The ground in the picture actually looks like it's covered with cornflakes. Nice entry for a Haiku contest as well. Best of luck.
Linda
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020
I love your imagery with the cornflake leaves...very clever. The ground in the picture actually looks like it's covered with cornflakes. Nice entry for a Haiku contest as well. Best of luck.
Linda
Comment Written 02-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much for the read and the encouraging feedback.
Comment from LJbutterfly
I love the line "corn flake leaves crackle." That's exactly what crunching leaves sound like. Your words paint an exact image and your artwork backs up the poem perfectly. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020
I love the line "corn flake leaves crackle." That's exactly what crunching leaves sound like. Your words paint an exact image and your artwork backs up the poem perfectly. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020
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Thanks for the read and comments. By the way, my wife's name is Lorraine.