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Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Schwit, schwit, schwit"With their call stalled, Liz & Linda begin walking
11 total reviews
Comment from Iza Deleanu
This passage here is absolutely fabulous. I feel like this is a passage to some mysterious place: "After their little dance, from being off the smelly flats with mud traps, they began shaking the darkness off everything. " Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2020
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This passage here is absolutely fabulous. I feel like this is a passage to some mysterious place: "After their little dance, from being off the smelly flats with mud traps, they began shaking the darkness off everything. " Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2020
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Thank you for your loyalty in your reviews.
Comment from GE Parson
What a conversation the girls had among themselves. They being in a foggy weather, not sure where they are, I'm surprised one of them didn't start crying. Being in a dark cave with several passage ways, not knowing where they led to, is a very scary ordeal - I personally know as I once found myself in such a situation. It's hard to not panic in such circumstances. Well, I hope the girls find the house they were looking for,
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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What a conversation the girls had among themselves. They being in a foggy weather, not sure where they are, I'm surprised one of them didn't start crying. Being in a dark cave with several passage ways, not knowing where they led to, is a very scary ordeal - I personally know as I once found myself in such a situation. It's hard to not panic in such circumstances. Well, I hope the girls find the house they were looking for,
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Thank you for your supportive review. If you are interested in the incidences they are referring to are in the beginning chapters. If you want to read the most meaningful chapters. ch 2,3,6,7,10, 12,13. There is no need for a review. Just enjoy it.
Comment from Susan X Smith
The writing flows nicely and I liked the bit about the headlights ripping through the fog. There was a slight air of suspense which made me want to read further. Best wishes for your ongoing creative efforts.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2020
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The writing flows nicely and I liked the bit about the headlights ripping through the fog. There was a slight air of suspense which made me want to read further. Best wishes for your ongoing creative efforts.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2020
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Thank you for your supportive review. I'm glad to know how it came across. I'm glad you liked it. If you haven't read 1-13 you are invited to. No review is necessary. If you are short for time, I'm high-lighting some of the significant ones: 2,3, 6,7, 10, 12, 13
Comment from Daniel Massey
She rested on hand on Linda's shoulder - She rested one hand, I believe the e is missing.
they had not noticed the tiny light ahead. maybe, they had noticed the dim-light ahead.
Linda smiled and moved her hand fondly along its bark./Linda smiled, moving her hand. along its bark.
Apart from my thoughts and suggestions, I enjoyed it!
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2020
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She rested on hand on Linda's shoulder - She rested one hand, I believe the e is missing.
they had not noticed the tiny light ahead. maybe, they had noticed the dim-light ahead.
Linda smiled and moved her hand fondly along its bark./Linda smiled, moving her hand. along its bark.
Apart from my thoughts and suggestions, I enjoyed it!
Comment Written 28-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2020
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Thank you for your sharp-eyed review. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Arti15
I like that Linda speaks to her backpack. I've spoken to my backpack once or twice when travelling and only having it as a companion. I would've liked some stronger imagery about sounds around them and the track they're walking. Maybe even the colour of the vehicle which passes them.
Thanks for writing this, it sounds interesting!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2020
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I like that Linda speaks to her backpack. I've spoken to my backpack once or twice when travelling and only having it as a companion. I would've liked some stronger imagery about sounds around them and the track they're walking. Maybe even the colour of the vehicle which passes them.
Thanks for writing this, it sounds interesting!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2020
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Thank you for your supportive review. I will consider your suggestions. I love stretching my writing.
Comment from greyson ernst
good job its really good soon you will be recognized i have no suggestions i hope i see righting from you soon. keep righting stay safe
sincerely Greyson Ernst
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2020
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good job its really good soon you will be recognized i have no suggestions i hope i see righting from you soon. keep righting stay safe
sincerely Greyson Ernst
Comment Written 27-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2020
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Thank you for your enthusiastic review. I appreciate your endorsement.
Comment from aryr
First I do have to compliment you on the chapter title, Liz, it was a great idea, very creative. Second, it was a wonderful continuation chapter. Poor Linda and Liz are definitely having an adventure, as does those they come across. Great job. Looking forward to the next chapter. Oh, I finally got in touch with Anne, thank you so much.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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First I do have to compliment you on the chapter title, Liz, it was a great idea, very creative. Second, it was a wonderful continuation chapter. Poor Linda and Liz are definitely having an adventure, as does those they come across. Great job. Looking forward to the next chapter. Oh, I finally got in touch with Anne, thank you so much.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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Thank you for your loyal supportive review. I'm glad you finally were able to connect with Anne. I think she's feeling isolated because she can't seem to get back on Fan Story. I've given her an idea how to get her password. I hope she can figure it out.
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You are so welcome Liz, your writing is always enjoyable. It will be nice if she can figure it out and get back on. Time will tell I'll keep my fingers crossed. :>)
Comment from Mistydawn
I hope they make the right choice and that things work for them for once instead of having to fight their way through another problem. The poor girls have been through so much already. The part about the shoes was funny. It also lets us see their mental state. What the adventures has done to them. Your chapter is well-written, very interesting. You have a great hook at the end. I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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I hope they make the right choice and that things work for them for once instead of having to fight their way through another problem. The poor girls have been through so much already. The part about the shoes was funny. It also lets us see their mental state. What the adventures has done to them. Your chapter is well-written, very interesting. You have a great hook at the end. I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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Thank you for your loyalty. You always have an encouraging review. It's good to know how it comes across.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I thought this was an enjoyable read. You do a great job of building up the suspense about them being followed. You may want to hold onto events like that a little more and let them play out a little more. But overall this was a strong chapter and an enjoyable read.
>> "Dive, dive, dive." This was one of Liz's favorite exclamations.
Perhaps this isn't needed: This was one of Liz's favorite exclamations.
Kinda takes away from a rather big event. And also let's the air out of the tire for me - everything is going to be fine.
Great job overall - an enjoyable read.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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I thought this was an enjoyable read. You do a great job of building up the suspense about them being followed. You may want to hold onto events like that a little more and let them play out a little more. But overall this was a strong chapter and an enjoyable read.
>> "Dive, dive, dive." This was one of Liz's favorite exclamations.
Perhaps this isn't needed: This was one of Liz's favorite exclamations.
Kinda takes away from a rather big event. And also let's the air out of the tire for me - everything is going to be fine.
Great job overall - an enjoyable read.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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Good point. thank you for your supportive review. The van actually is the one that appears in Ch 3. It is the reason they felt weakened in Ch. 14. So you are right, I shouldn't minimize it with trivia.
Comment from AnnieDawn
The two girls do have some adventures and I like the way you use descriptive sentences to show what they are doing. This seems like it is written for teens. That is how I feel the theme is directed. Nice chapter and well written.
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2020
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The two girls do have some adventures and I like the way you use descriptive sentences to show what they are doing. This seems like it is written for teens. That is how I feel the theme is directed. Nice chapter and well written.
Comment Written 24-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2020
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Thank you for your involved review. I hadn't thought of my target audience but you are right, the fact it involves rescuing teen, would make it germane to teen issues and interests. Who better to learn the facts of trafficking and injustices toward the Native American Indians than teens?
Too many adults still see them as savages all but obliterated by the soldiers and wagon train occupants. Maybe it's not too late for teens.
A few reviewers on here while reading the facts in Ch 1-13 said they didn't know there were still many Indians left. I think this book I'm writing is informing and bringing awareness to many writers on here.
Thank you for your support.