Renga Two
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "graceful mute swans drift"multi-author book number two
7 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
Julia,
This 5-7-5 poem uses imagery and metaphor well and is enhanced by the artwork you chose. It is a good addition to the renga.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Joan
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2021
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Julia,
This 5-7-5 poem uses imagery and metaphor well and is enhanced by the artwork you chose. It is a good addition to the renga.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Joan
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2021
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Thank you Joan. I've loved swans ever since I read the story of the Ugly Duckling. They are such beautiful and graceful birds!
Appreciate your fine review.
Stay safe healthy and blessed
Julia
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You're welcome, Julia. God bless you too.
Joan
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
graceful mute swans drift
by juliaSjames
Hello, Julia,
Wow, beautiful 5/7/5 for our renga book. Thank you for adding a chapter. The presentation and word imagery is outstanding. Wonderful work, my friend.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2020
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graceful mute swans drift
by juliaSjames
Hello, Julia,
Wow, beautiful 5/7/5 for our renga book. Thank you for adding a chapter. The presentation and word imagery is outstanding. Wonderful work, my friend.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2020
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Thanks for the great review and for the sixer Gypsy. The swan is my power animal. I haven't seen any since I've been living in the US. This is a memory from a visit to the UK two years ago.
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
Comment from ESOSTINE
I could visualize the swans in their angelic white colour, calmly and silently drifting over the river with their images reflecting on the glassy river. Nicely penned! Could you consider adding a reference note to the previous work on the optional "description" column. I missed this in mine and was reminded by a reviewer. Thanks for your thoughts.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2020
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I could visualize the swans in their angelic white colour, calmly and silently drifting over the river with their images reflecting on the glassy river. Nicely penned! Could you consider adding a reference note to the previous work on the optional "description" column. I missed this in mine and was reminded by a reviewer. Thanks for your thoughts.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2020
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Thanks for your excellent review.. it's greatly appreciated.. I've made the adjustment to my post..
Stay safe
Blessings Julia
Comment from lyenochka
Lovely 5-7-5 poem. So glad you joined Gypsy's book!
I would recommend including the previous poem in your notes. Gypsy used to have detailed instructions in the notes.
I see that your poem follows Pam's poem about birds.
Your swans are lovely and I especially liked :
" river's mirrored surface
clouds of white plumage"
The instructions that used to be in the notes for this renga book was:
******If you would like to add a chapter to this renga book, please copy the following instructions to your author notes and if you need help, contact, Gypsy Blue Rose******
(If you would like to read the previous chapters, follow this link)
https://www.fanstory.com/chapterdetails.jsp?id=39516
*FIRST, click on the ADD CHAPTER icon, located above the review box.
*SECOND, if the last poem is a 5/7/5 haiku, write a 7/7 couplet, if the last poem is a 7/7 couplet write a 5/7/5 haiku. Write about the same theme of the previous stanza but don't repeat words.
*THIRD, post your poem as usual but it will be part of the book. you can edit it and add a picture if you like. A copy will go to your portfolio and you keep your reviews.
*FOURTH, copy and paste these instructions to your author notes. Thank you.
******end of author notes******
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2020
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Lovely 5-7-5 poem. So glad you joined Gypsy's book!
I would recommend including the previous poem in your notes. Gypsy used to have detailed instructions in the notes.
I see that your poem follows Pam's poem about birds.
Your swans are lovely and I especially liked :
" river's mirrored surface
clouds of white plumage"
The instructions that used to be in the notes for this renga book was:
******If you would like to add a chapter to this renga book, please copy the following instructions to your author notes and if you need help, contact, Gypsy Blue Rose******
(If you would like to read the previous chapters, follow this link)
https://www.fanstory.com/chapterdetails.jsp?id=39516
*FIRST, click on the ADD CHAPTER icon, located above the review box.
*SECOND, if the last poem is a 5/7/5 haiku, write a 7/7 couplet, if the last poem is a 7/7 couplet write a 5/7/5 haiku. Write about the same theme of the previous stanza but don't repeat words.
*THIRD, post your poem as usual but it will be part of the book. you can edit it and add a picture if you like. A copy will go to your portfolio and you keep your reviews.
*FOURTH, copy and paste these instructions to your author notes. Thank you.
******end of author notes******
Comment Written 21-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2020
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Thanks for your kind review and for your reminder, dear Helen. All done!
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
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So glad that you joined in the book! I keep meaning to add more to it but I'm always behind in the club and site contest posts.
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Me too +))
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello Julia!
Exquisite imagery in your well-crafted couplet!
We enjoy the beauty of swans here in Traverse City!
A bit feisty, but so lovely, as you so eloquently capture in your offering!
Thank you for sharing!
diane
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2020
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Hello Julia!
Exquisite imagery in your well-crafted couplet!
We enjoy the beauty of swans here in Traverse City!
A bit feisty, but so lovely, as you so eloquently capture in your offering!
Thank you for sharing!
diane
Comment Written 21-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2020
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Hello diane, feisty is an understatement. My late mother had a sandwich snatched from her hand. I eye them warily if they come close. Thanks for your lovely review.
Stay safe and blessed
Julia
Comment from Jay Squires
I so admire your processes, Julia, the way you set up the mind to (subconsciously?) connect the "drift" of the swans in line one with "clouds" in line three to presage the cloud's white plumage that reflects (line 2) back to the swans. If you don't watch out, you'll grab first, second, and third in the contest! LOL, beautiful job, Julia!
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2020
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I so admire your processes, Julia, the way you set up the mind to (subconsciously?) connect the "drift" of the swans in line one with "clouds" in line three to presage the cloud's white plumage that reflects (line 2) back to the swans. If you don't watch out, you'll grab first, second, and third in the contest! LOL, beautiful job, Julia!
Comment Written 21-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2020
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Thanks Jay. Truly appreciate your detailed review. I'm a little disappointed with this write. I was reaching in my mind for more layers... perhaps the illusory aspect of life... beauty that is only an ephemeral reflection of the ideal... way too much for this short poem to accomplish.
I'm glad you enjoyed it..
Stay safe
Blessings Julia
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Yeah, you'd need two more syllables to get all that in.
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😂
Comment from LisaMay
Your drifting white clouds are a delight. You've captured the scene well with your carefully chosen words - I can 'see' the white-plumaged swans drifting on the river whose mirrored surface reflects the clouds.
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2020
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Your drifting white clouds are a delight. You've captured the scene well with your carefully chosen words - I can 'see' the white-plumaged swans drifting on the river whose mirrored surface reflects the clouds.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 21-Nov-2020
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Hi LisaMay
You've got the picture. The swan is my power animal. But I didn't recall that until after I'd posted the poem.
This is a memory of a walk along the River Exe two years ago when John and I were visiting his sister who lives in Devon. I wanted the poem to convey more than tranquil beauty. But maybe that's an end in itself.
Appreciate your stopping by. Stay safe and remain blessed.
Julia
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Some moments are special.... you've captured that one beautifully in your poem.