Once schizophrenia takes ahold,
I promise you it won't let go.
Even when you start to believe,
everything's okay and in control.
The meds stop working, the voices reign,
I blame myself for his messed up life.
While he's in a trance, he can't be reached,
inside I'm filled with pain and strife.
Relying on nurses and doctors to know,
just the right combo of drugs that he needs.
To quiet the voices, that numb up his mind,
as I sit helpless, my heart inside bleeds.
In my own head I'm screaming, but no one can hear,
I just want my son to be happy you see.
But every other day when I lose him I'm scared,
that one day my Erik won't come back to me.
We can't fight something that we cannot see,
a kinder, sweet person you never will meet.
But schizophrenia holds him, he can't get away,
an invisible enemy isn't easy to beat.
I wish I knew what he's going through,
on the worst of his days, his darkest of nights.
Through self isolation, he hides in his room,
when the voices are loudest he stays out of sight.
I wait for the voices to quiet and then,
we talk about video games, politics, weather.
I cherish those hours, 'till it all starts again,
and he goes to a place where we can't be together.
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