Exceptional Animal Activists Outraged Psych Out News : Woman gives Birth 3-legged Monke by Mia Twysted

Warning: The author has noted that this contains the highest level of sexual content. Woman gives birth to seven-pound 4 and 1/2 ounces three-legged half primate child in the middle of crowded downtown. Open partners Mildred and Ted "Minute Man" Weenerwhipple were generous donors and frequent visitors of the 'Pet Em' Friendly Zoo.' While at the zoo, the couple, Mrs. Weenerwhipple, 37, Pornographic Historian, and Mr. Weenerwhipple, 30, Shredded Cheese Specialist at 'Smell It Cheese Incorporated," formed a special relationship with "Handsy," the zoo's youngest primate. Unbeknownst to zoo authorities, the Weenerwhipple's would enter the primate's habitat and engage in sexual relations with the creature. "We had noticed the couple making weekly visits," said Head Zoo Keeper, Dick Johnson, 40. "They continued to come even after Mrs. Weenerwhipple was with child, but we could never have imagined this," Johnson added. Doctor on scene, MaryKate Sharp-Payne, 56, said, "it was a most interesting delivery. The infant attempted to latch on to its mother's nipple even before it was fully out of the birth canal." After confirming the infant was healthy, Sharp-Payne said about the child, "it was a beautiful baby boy with dark brown hair over eighty percent of the body." She also believes, " the extra limp, which is more primitive than the other two, will not restrict the child in any way." Mr. Weenerwhipple stated that he "knew the threesome was a bad idea, but that ape taunted and teased till we gave in." He further commented, saying, "We never intended for it to be an ongoing event." Friends of the family were shocked. "I knew Mildred's job was out of the ordinary, but I never thought she'd engage in those kinds of sexual acts," said Vagina Bushsnap, 35, Professional Hair Boiler, about her bridge partner Mrs. Weenerwhipple. Since the break of this story, other couples have come forward, also allegedly having a secret relationship with the primate. Each claiming it was the primate himself that initiated the interactions. Head Zoo Keeper Johnson wants to assure zoo benefactors and guests that "the zoo will be undergoing a renovation with upgrade devoted to animal security," and the primate in question, Handsy, "will undergo specialized counseling with an animal expert." The Weenerwhipple's are not being charged in the incident, for although they engaged in bestiality, Handsy has assumed full responsibility according to his sign-language translater. The Weenerwhipple's has, however, decided to leave town and start new careers with the "Not Your Typical Side Show" company performing at the local fairgrounds this weekend. Mrs. Weenerwhipple stated, "we'll be sure to bring the baby around for a visit to meet Handsy before Mr. Weenerwhipple I leave town."

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