The scene opens outside the Fort Sill Receiving Barracks. Several young men are standing in a line facing upstage. They are all wearing green tee shirts, green shorts, white tennis shoes, and white socks. All are sweating and breathing heavily after what was presumably a physical training (PT) session.
Sgt P: At ease, recruits. As I said in the beginning of these few moments of joy, this is your daily dozen calisthenics workout. You have performed pushups, bends and thrusts, mountain climbers, sit outs, leg scissors, jumping jacks, knee bends, trunk twists, toe touches, crunches, neck bridges, and running in place.
Matt: (begins removing his tee shirt)
Sgt P: (apparently incensed) On your face, maggot!
Everyone hits the deck, except Matt and Jiffy. Recruit 5 is once again in his modified headstand.
Jiffy: (to Matt) I guess all of the Maggot brothers joined the Army at the same time.
Matt: (to Jiffy) We are probably in the wrong, but let's hear what the official has to say.
Sgt. P: (sternly) Why are you two not face down on the ground?
Matt: I can't really speak for Jiff, but I didn't think you were talking to me directly. I may be mistaken, and if so, I apologize.
Jiffy: I'm not a maggot, Porky.
Sgt. P: You are a maggot, maggot! Now throw your maggot body to the ground immediately or I will throw you myself!
Recruit 1: I'm on the ground, Sergeant.
Matt: Is this assault really warranted?
Recruit 2: Maggot 2 face down, Sergeant.
Jiffy: Let's 'rassle', Sarge.
Recruit 3: (groaning) I should have worn a jock strap.
Sgt. P: I see you two need some MOTO vation!
Recruit 4: (screaming) Maggots on my face!
Matt: You're onto something, Sergeant Porcine.
Recruit 5: ( already in a position with his face and elbows on the ground and feet straight up. )
Jiffy: Come motivate me.
Recruit 6: (passes out and lands face down on the ground)
Sgt P: (shouting) Corporal of the Guard UP!
Five soldiers dressed in full battle gear appear and surround Matt and Jiffy. One with an arm band reading COG (Corporal of the Guard) speaks.
COG: (shouting) What are your orders, Drill Sergeant?
Matt: This seems like an overreaction.
Jiffy: This works to my satisfa-fac-sha - uh- my satisififact-- damn! MY sa-tis-fac-tion. That was smooth.
Recruit 1: Hey, I found a penny!
Recruit 2: I've got dirt in my teeth.
Recruit 3: (continues to groan with his hands and arms under him)
Sgt P: (to the COG) These turds are to do a day of dirt at Happy Valley.
COG: Roger, Drill Sergeant! (the circle of soldiers including Matt and Jiffy shuffle off as one otherwise motionless unit to the left and off the scene.)
Recruit 4: (Looking at Recruit 5) Is there something on my face?
Recruit 5: (still in his improvised hand stand and facing Recruit 4) No, but you should cleanse more.
Recruit 6: (Snoring)
End scene.
To be Continued...
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