Blended Reality : Dear God by JLR Dear God, writing prompt entry |
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Dear God, As I near my seventieth-year in this human vessel, it is at times, such as this, that I wonder why, what, when? You know, as I do, that many a time, far too many for me to want to remember, I have failed to embrace all that I have come to believe in your Presence in my life. My egoic lower self often tends to rule my thinking, acting, and behavioral day to day activities. There has been a period on my life that I know with all that I believe to be Holy and True that your Grace pulled me from a "dark night of the soul" period and thirty-eight years later I still know that your Presence and involvement pulled me out of a terrible downward spin. I have not been kind to this body that you planted my Soul deep into my heart. The breaks, tears, sprains, pains, and two open-heart surgeries have more than convinced me that You had been present. Without question, I am convinced that You were active, as my Divine Physician, giving guidance and assurance to my earthly physicians that I was a soul worth saving. So, I come back to my question. I wonder why, what, and when? I have read, and I believe that we all have some purpose of fulfilling in this body, on this plane at this time we are alive. Since I have retired, I have had a second open-heart surgery that the doctors told my wife and me that it was a high-risk operation. I have been very committed to centering prayer, Lectio Divina. I am active as a hospice volunteer and attend a church that fits with my world view as a spiritual seeker of truth and acceptance with a healthy dose of God's grace as the foundation. The last operation was successful and still as involved in doing what I think, and I feel we are doing the right things -- to pay it forward -- I find myself faced with the recent trauma of my wife falling and being broken and needing to be surgically repaired and moved into a rehabilitation center. So, I sit and question why her, why now? I have placed before You the question, what am I supposed to hear, learn, listen for from You in this test? Still, I hear no answer! I am not questioning that this event was something, You could or could not control. That, in my opinion, is not your Purpose in my belief system. What I question is the timing, the result of having to put everything we have been doing, that we thought were good works, on hold for several months. We are in the autumnal time of our lives, and I fear time is running through the hourglass at a pretty fast rate or so it seems at times such as these. So when will I know that I am doing God's purpose? Is the lesson in the waiting? Is the answer in not asking why? Is the reason for the timing to fulfill your purpose? Isn't it just like me to be seeking these answers? I feel strongly that my faith is not in question because of these events. I am resolved more actively to be at your feet in a prayerful petition to hear your still small voice whisper the words Peace, Acceptance, and yes ask that Your Grace be once again on my heart and in my Soul. In Excelsis Deo!
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JLR
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