I do so need this horrible thing gone
This sense of feeling and being unsure
I’ve never been stranger to anger or lust
But this insecurity I cannot endure
My entire life from childhood to now
I knew not this feeling of hesitation
Worries like what others might think
Were never part of my calculation
Stand up for another; step forward with faith
In self, in Creator, in historical truth
Those were the drivers in action and word
That followed and defined my actions of youth
And even, perhaps, through my “older young” days
As I married my man and raised sons of my own
I never knew hesitancy to speak up or speak out
And I know not when this self-doubt was sown.
But, here it is now, and I am truly at a loss
As to how to defeat it and eliminate its hold
It has begun to creep into some parts of my life
Where it’s really not welcome for I wish to be bold!
I want the old “me” back without all this fear
To talk freely with strangers, my smile easy to see
I want to stop acting as though everything’s fine
I don’t want to fake freedom, I want to be free!