Background
It was a real kick for us to learn some time ago that Louise's younger brother and his wife actually do the same thing when expecting their folks to visit!
Chapter 39 Word
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Now for (Louise's) siblings and in-law stories and secrets finally revealed.
We had to learn early in our marriage, that we were never going to have a "one on one" relationship with Louise’s family. It seems Mother-in-law (and maybe Father-in-law) couldn’t stand being alone on their holidays or any other occasions. They always wanted to go or be with somebody! This also carries on to their offspring. They can't entertain without having Mummy and Daddy on hand! Not sure if it was the siblings' design, or just Louise's parents needing to always be "in charge."
In the early days of my wife’s elder brother’s being a new parent, we discovered we were never going to be able to spend time with her brother’s family without mum and dad-in-law tagging along. I mean did they think, seeing we could not have children of our own, we might be considering kidnapping our nephews or nieces?
We had arranged to go over to the south side of Sydney to visit with the new twin nieces at their home. We had mistakenly thought we would be just having time with them and Louise's brother and sister-in-law. Not so. We all get settled playing with the little girls when not too long later, my wife’s mother turns up.
On another occasion, we had thought we were going to her other brother’s place for afternoon tea - just the four of us. I am not sure their first child was on the scene at that time.
We were sitting around talking and we thought well, where’s the afternoon tea? We then are informed that again, Mother-in-law and Father in law were bringing the afternoon tea.
I also remember in our early married years there always seemed to be a family gathering for something or other and it was always a big “do” with the whole family. Including the requisite alcohol - we don't drink. I guess too, because of our hearing problems we did prefer more of the single-family thing.
Louise’s and my birthdays being very close - the family always wanted to put on a do for our birthdays. It was nice but we eventually started planning our holidays to cover the period of our birthdays and our Wedding Anniversary in the period March 14th through to March 27th.
This meant that if the family wanted to set up a gathering, around our birthdays it had to be before we went away or after we returned. None of the family gatherings took place or very rarely were held at a place suitable for us. We were the ones who always had to travel the farthest to get to the “do’s.”
This entailed usually, Louise having to drive us home at night - as I cannot drive after dark. Some kind of "night-blindness" where on-coming headlights were, and still are, a bother to me. I only recently learned that my sister, ten years my senior also suffers the same problem.
For about the first three years of our marriage at least; Louise’s parents were very "clingy" and insisted on coming out to visit us frequently. As our pastor expressed it...
"They haven’t had 'the leaving!' " As in Matthew 19:5(KJV) "…for this cause shall a man leave father and mother and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh." I can’t get used to the idea that parents in a lot of cases seem to always think of their children, even as grown men and women, as still their "liddle bybies!" (Slang expression deliberate.)
Thankfully, things have improved A LOT in the last 23 years. We have each other so in that respect, we are not lonely. However, Louise's family now basically don't want to know us; except for Christmas time. To Louise's younger brother's credit, he does call in when he has work in the area.
The older brother, however, is a "*SNIVES SNOB" and up until more recent times has not darkened our "Westies" door for at least 15 years now. Correction! They are improving this last year or so. We did pray more recently for the Lord to bring some family to us…and He has answered our prayers.
Sadly, we believe the “*SNIVES” young man and young women (nephew and nieces) are probably tarred with the same brush. The eldest (of Louise's) nieces (twins) will turn 23 in December.
Louise was actually a Great Aunt by marriage before she became an Aunt in her own right. But no one calls anyone aunty or uncle these days do they? We have never been really allowed to be aunty and uncle to any of her nephews and nieces. The SNIVES nephew and nieces consider their Great Aunt (their Mother's Aunt) to be more Aunty, than their aunty Louise (their Dad's Sister).
I hear there is a move for kids to not even respect their own parents even in younger years. Unexpectedly, we did have another visit from the "*SNIVES" brother and sister-in-law just last weekend. It is still hard to figure out just why they wanted to come for the visit.
Ostensibly, the visit was to take the opportunity to check out all the Family History work Louise had been doing for some months. Louise's sister-in-law has learned very well, the "Mrs. Bouquet*" art of "gushing" over things Louise is showing her. When we know full well it is merely a performance worthy of an academy award or some such.
The sister- in- law is the daughter my wife's parents always wanted. It was evident the moment she came into Louise's brother's life. A daughter to replace the poor, handicapped Louise who if given half a chance could have shown them all, much sooner than now, just how capable and clever she always was.
These two, sister-in-law and her (Louise's) Mother are great at "~keeping up appearances". A sort of' ingenuousness or fake performance. I think that is why Louise and I have got on so well as we accept each other as we are and were. No pretending or "pomp and circumstance" by or to either of us.
I have recently learned from Louise, something I sort of suspected but not really sure of. Being the suspicious way her father watched me at every family gathering. It seems I am being watched in case I should happen to get a successful conversation with any of the grandchildren in regards to their eternal souls. There was no other way we could figure that out. I am sure if we asked Louise’s father why he did that, he would not even realize he was actually doing it. Or if he did he would not admit it.
We believe it is the working of Satan using the father-in-law to pose interference if the opportunity arose. Of course, my father-in-law does not realize his daughter (Louise) is watching him too!
Another more recent happening has been the opening up of revelations of things, till now unknown, about Louise's paternal grandmother. It seems "Nin" so named as she would not countenance being called "Grandma" or "Nana" as that would make her much older, so she thought. The truth as it all comes out now, many years after her passing, is that "Nin" was known to change her age as it suited her.
We were recently informed by Louise's Aunt that during "Nin's" time in the Nursing Home prior to her passing on, a birth certificate was found inside the piano, revealing "Nin" was indeed much older than even her current husband was aware and thereby hangs the tail. I know I have quoted the scripture someplace else in this tome, But again I quote Deuteronomy Chapter 5:9 and 10.
"You shall not bow down yourself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation of them that hate me,"
We have seen evidence of "Nin's" personality and things we never understood coming down through Louise's Dad. Some similar behaviours.
Whenever Louise's folks are expected for a visit there is always that mad clean up before they come. Probably part of the inherited genes from her Mum's "Keeping Up Appearances" as well. It was a real kick for us to learn some time ago that Louise's younger brother and his wife actually do the same thing when expecting their folks to visit! We are not alone in that idea it seems.
Now, much later, coming through here again, I had to wonder why I was being held back from adding more to this chapter.
Sadly, one of these nieces as stated before whom we never really were allowed to get to know, at the age of 25, has committed suicide. she suffered an eating disorder for whatever reason. Adding to all the secrecy of Louise's family, the grandmother, Louise's mum, hoped against hope Louise would not learn the truth of the facts of the niece's passing. Apart from the fact, as one of only 2 of the girl's aunts, she had the right to know.
Louise's younger brother came over to talk to Louise about their niece's passing. Only because of Louise's questioning and insistence, was she able to get to the truth of how her niece died. I was having my afternoon nap, probably a good thing, so they could talk and cry without my interference, in private.
Sometime later, Louise's mother called and they talked about the niece's passing. Imagine grandmother's shock to learn that Louise actually knew the whole story and the fact of her niece's suicide. Another fact meant to be kept from the girl's Aunt. I figure their aim is to "protect" Louise from being upset more by knowing the truth. Again just another example of always treating Louise like she is still a little child and not a 57-year-old woman.
I guess on my side we were not absolved from secrets either. However, honesty must build a better relationship and create more trust in families.
