When I was a little boy I quickly realized that I was fat. In fact, the only thing that I was really good at was eating. It didn't help that my mom was an Iron Chef. Three major feasts a day were the norm. Extra snacking was championed by my parents as a reward for good behavior. I grew large, the best behaved kid on the block. But there was a problem. My obsession with food and my resulting obesity caused a damnable shyness around girls. I smiled and laughed and made lots of friends, with guys. But the fatty in me made me too insecure to ask a girl out on a date. The rhyme, "Fatty fatty two by four can't get through the kitchen door." echoed through my head every time I liked a girl. And that was all the time. High school and college were filled with lonely Saturday nights. I wanted a girl friend but was too ashamed of my obesity to do anything about it. After college, I started my own business. I became successful at a young young age. Money meant nothing. Loneliness continued. At 23 years of age I decided to change my life. I joined a national weight loss group called TOPS, Take Off Pounds Sensibly, and proceeded to unsensibly starve myself into thinness. I lost 63 pounds and won second place in my weight class. I was chosen to play Conrad Birdie on an immense stage in front of thousands of screaming women in a weight loss parody play of Bye Bye Birdie. I sang, "Rubber ducky your the one. You make weight loss lots of fun." I became a pseudo rock star traveling to different TOPS organizations to speak to groups of soon to be thin people. I loved that the members were mostly women. I overcame my shyness. I was young and the challenge of romance made me want to stay slim forever. I continued to starve myself. After a few years of sexism I met my wife. The body I created from my starvation diet quickly disappeared. My willpower vanished and I consumed with reckless abandon. I became a yoyo. I could not sustain a healthy eating pattern. My weight ballooned to over 200 pounds. I was 73 years of age. My health was in question. I worried about the time I had left with my family. I had two granddaughters that I obsessed over and wanted to see grow up. I knew that I had to lose weight to survive. I could not diet on my own. My wife came to the rescue. She had joined Jenny Craig in 2015 and was successful She achieved her goal and bragged how healthy her diet had become. I was proud of her but dismissed her achievement. I laughed at the small portions and prepackaged servings. They were too small and not spicy enough. I wanted more. I wanted consumption and spices. But I also wanted to live to play with my granddaughters. My wife convinced me to visit Jenny Craig. I complained and snorted disapproval but went into the Jenny Craig store. I met with Delia, the office manager. We talked. She asked me about my eating habits. I told her of my food addiction, especially in the nighttime hours with snacks and television. I told her about my health concerns and how I wanted to be around to see my granddaughters grow up. After a great amount of thought, I realized that Jenny Craig did what no other diet in my 73 years of living did. It gave me the option of healthy eating in the quantities needed, with an abundance of taste, that could satisfy my uncontrolled cravings for food. Vegetables and spices were unlimited. Mix them in with Jenny Craig serving portions and I could get a delicious and filling meal three times a day with a variety of snack options in the evening hours to satisfy all my needs. I quickly learned to chop vegetables and mix spices. My food choices are yummy. I am the same weight as I was 44 years ago when I met my wife. I have maintained it for 6 months. I play with my granddaughters regularly and look forward to many years of healthy living with lots of laughter. Jenny Craig and I are teammates for life. Long live good eating. P.S. Thank you Donna Burbridge, for all your support. Jenny and I are divorced although I will be faithful to her menu. A fat me is not the new me. The rejection of my success story began a downward spiral. The spiral became uncontrollable when the pain that riddled my body grew with another failure. The medicationss given to me at U of C further heightened my downwards spiral. They pushed me into a never land where destiny became the essence of non existence. For four long and arduous days of suicidal tendencies, of drives to motel rooms, of pain beyond comprehension, of a journey to Oak Ridge Forest Preserve and a drive onto a grassy road going to nowhere but death. My emotions said die but the love of family said no. I drove away from the forest green not knowing my tomorrows. The guilt of sinful resignation to the vapid life I was leading was overcome by the warmth and tenderness of the smiles of children. The next morning I awoke with certainty. I was determined to end the suffering. I lie in the basement dark and numb. Tomorrow was too much to bear. Eternity was my salvation. I began writing a goodbye forever note to my beloveds. To God I asked forgiveness. To my wife I wrote a letter of sorry. I told my children to think of me in the passing winds. I would forever love them. I opened the bottles and prepared for the end. I looked to photos of tiny tots with hopeful smiles and kissed them goodbye. It was then that I saw the picture of my son and daughter holding my granddaughter, Lulu. The picture was of love and happiness. I could not shame them with guilt. I sent a text message to Jonathan, Shoshana, and Renee. I said it was urgent and that they call. It was the hardest thing I had ever done.

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