Jealousy!!!!
From what deep shadow did you rise?
Rendering us blind
Raging like wounded beasts?
What is that wound?
Some old dark withered thing
Tentacles deep within muscle sinew brain and heart
That rips and tears when disturbed,
When prodded by some pointed thing?
Thrashing and flailing in the depths,
Stealing all reason and clarity.
Or is it something new
For you?
Or some amalgam of the two
Still bleeding
Still shedding tears of fear
Of sorrow
Of abandonment
That stings the frightened child to wakefulness
Squalling in the dark
To stamp its feet and yell and bellow
So you can hear
That once again
The child's in pain?
How can I know?
What can I do?
What do you want of me?
Why do you lurk
In the shadows
Just beyond my grasp?
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Author Notes
I experienced jealousy as a child of 4 when I saw my female abuser kissing her fiancée. Some horror gripped me and I ran in anger the long length of the farmhouse verandah and into the orchard. My parents had abandond me for 9 months into the care of this young woman.
That's one reason why, when as adults, we remember, suddenly, our childhood abuse, we still have difficulty telling. Abuse and Jealousy? Together????How can that be? That's too complex. That's a mind f.... That's a conundrum. There's shame lurking and guilt. Was it my fault after all we ask ? Still.
I've also been the Jealous one in my now non existant marriage. He made it very clear he was almost falling over himself with lust at all the pretty women in the street by commenting on their clothes, staring non stop at the pretty woman at the next table at the restaurant, Saying he just read the articles in you know which magazine a bulging boxful of which stood next his desk and asked of course for that little dance in sexy undies with garters and when asked to do same everything went limp. 20 years, 13 sexless and he cried when I left.
Then I spent 4 years with someone who was so jealous and possessive of me that he even locked the dog in a room with himself so that she couldn't cuddle and play with me. I stayed because he got cancer and needed support, but he recovered and I couldn't take it anymore. His type is known as Narcissists and Beware is all I can say! Jealousy is their Mistress indeed.
And I've seen jealousy at work with the youngest of children . Planting her imprint on the repertoire of their emotional repertoires and one only hopes that they will have Good Love and Good Teachers in their lives to learn to not carry this wicked Goddess within them.
Yes, I know the Green Eyed Wicked Goddess intimately. I've seen how she wreaks havoc wherever she goes. I've seen the shadenfeude sparkle in her eyes.
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