Characters:
The Boss: Eight month old male baby, business genius, expert on human sociology and politics.
Tim: Five year old boy, brother of the Boss, amateur cameraman and drafted personal assistant.
Setting: November 12, 2016; a modest single family home in an unknown suburb of an unknown state. It is late and the adults are fast asleep.
Tim points the video camera at The Boss and gives him the thumbs up sign.
BB: So… your horse didn’t win, and you feel like the world isn’t fair. Well, take it from someone who cries for a real goddamn reason. The world ain’t fair. There is no Blue Fair Fairy; Santa Claus, yes, Fair Fairy, no.
Boss Baby takes a sip of milk and accidently spills a drop.
BB: Oh, look, Tim, I spilled my milk. Am I gonna cry? I’m eight months old for goodness sake. How old are you people marching down the freeway in the middle of the night pushing a baby stroller because Trump won in a democratic election? What will you tell your kids in the morning? How about mommy got hit by a truck because she walked her dumb ass in the freeway at night? Jesus!
I want you good people, and I use the term loosely, to take a look at these photos of last night’s grieving… (Sighs) adults, protesting and rioting in cities… that their candidate WON! Display the pictures, Tim.
Tim: Hold on my computer is slow. Okay, I got it.
BB: Now as you look at these Progressives…
Tim: What’s a Progressive?
BB (sighs): Really, Tim… really?
Tim: Hey, I don’t know. Maybe other people don’t know either.
BB: Fine. Well, there are two sides and a middle of the social, economic, and political spectrum. In the middle you have what we call, independents. They are usually more open-minded and take no permanent side of any issue. On the right we have people who usually belong to the Republican Party; in order from the middle, conservatives, your Rush Limbaugh and Fox News types, then Libertarians and lastly your gun toting right-wingers or Militia men.
Tim: Okay, but what about…
BB: I’m getting to that. On the left side you have Democrats who, starting from the middle are Liberals, Progressives, and then your left-wingers, also known as Social Justice Warriors or SJW’s for short.
Tim: I still don’t get it.
BB: You’re really getting on my last… fine. Think of Bill Maher, President Obama, Hillary Clinton, and most Main Stream News outlets as examples of Liberals. They are on the left but they can still see the middle and the right, therefore they can still reason with the other side and see their point if they choose to. Progressives are people like, George Soros, Rosy O’Donnell, university professors, and most peaceful protestors. They are farther away from the middle and the right, and for the most part can no longer see or care to reason with the other side. They know there is another side. They just think they are always wrong and ignore them.
Tim: Thanks, I get it now.
BB: Goody. Now, where was I? Oh! Look at these pictures of Progressive and SJW’s, the tolerant ones, marching, protesting, cursing, labelling, burning and rioting in Liberal cities. What do you think independents and conservatives in the rural and suburban areas are thinking or feeling?
Don’t know… don’t care? Well of course you don’t care, and that my friend is the point. You people protesting and shouting don’t care what those who are not one of you think or feel. You never did. You don’t care about conservatives, blue collar workers, white boys, rust belts, the rich, the economy, or bad trade agreements. Well, I have a news flash for you. Those people you don’t care about can vote too, and on November 8th 2016 they showed you their feelings. Just so you know… they are afraid of you. Yes, they see you burning, being irrational and they are scared you’ll get real power; the power to touch them way out in the burbs.
You see. There is a good reason they ignored Trump's silly comments, and some voters stayed home. Those who went to the polls didn't necessarily vote for Trump. They simply voted against... You!
Boss Baby shakes his head and glares into the camera.
Tim: You look sleepy.
BB: It is almost time for my nap, but I’ve got more to say. Those who are claiming racism because a lot of white people voted for a white man and not a white woman, where were you when over 93% of black people voted for a black man? Did you cry racism? When Clinton called on women to vote for her because she has a vagina…
Tim: A what?
BB: Tomorrow, Tim. I’ll cover the birds and the bees tomorrow. Jesus, what are they teaching in Kindergarten these days?
Tim: I’m in the first grade.
BB: Shut up. Anyway, did you Liberals cry sexism? When Clinton, DNC Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz and Vice chairwoman and former CNN pundit Donna Brazile, all women, cheated Senator Bernie Sanders, did you cry war on men? Did Clinton ever apologize after being caught? Did you care that Bernie didn’t get his fair share?
Boss Baby yawns and loosens his tie.
BB: Oh, I’m fading fast. I think that milk was a little too warm.
Tim: Hurry up. I forgot to charge the camera batteries last night.
BB: What? I told you to… (Sighs)
Tim: Hey, I still had homework. My tests weren’t suspended because Trump won like in those crazy colleges.
BB: Fine, a few last points before we go. For years, rural and suburban America watched Democrats excuse and condone riots in Milwaukee, Baltimore, Chicago, Ferguson, New York, Charlotte and elsewhere. They saw Democrats dismiss blatant acts of racism by minorities and hoax hate crimes reported by minorities against white people. Hell, they watched while liberals changed the very definition of racism and sexism to only apply to one group, theirs. They saw Clinton and Obama constantly speak about perceived injustices against every group in the country except white people.
Tim: And Asians.
BB: Oh, so you can read. They watched as poor and hurting white… and Asian people in the rural areas were ignored because they didn’t fit in an accepted victim class. They watched as universities openly discriminated against straight white males by creating People of Color only dorms, anti-white courses for college credit and blocking white male access to student activities and resources at UC Berkley, Yale, Harvard, and the now infamous University of Missouri. They saw a black US Congressmen openly exclude straight white males for job opportunities in their government offices and NOT be called out or reprimanded for their illegal racism.
A question: Is there anyone in world who doesn’t vote for their own interests? Think about that.
Boss baby points at Tim
BB: Show the map.
Tim: It’s not done yet. There’s still one state unreported.
BB: Show it!
Tim: (whispers) Whatever, they won’t listen anyway.
BB: If you still think the nation is divided, and people had no reason to vote for an OUTSIDER… other than racism, despite those same people electing Obama over white men… twice! Look at the map of who voted for Trump and who didn’t, then compare that to where the protests are now and have been the last few years.
A final warning: You can continue to live within your closed echo chambers, or forums where everyone thinks and speaks the same. Yeah, that’s real diversity. You can go out and protest all you want. The Occupy Wall Street people did, and you saw how well that worked out. While OWS, BLM, and you marched, sat in the park, and chanted to each other, the Tea Party took sixty Congressional seats and five Senate seats. While you attended parties with Jay-Z and LeBron James, Trump supporters went door-to-door in suburbia silently recruiting.
So, keep doing what you’ve been doing. The country will follow you, when you're rioting in the streets, destroying property and shooting each other in the streets of Portland. Those independents will be less afraid of you this time. They like fires. They like it when you block the roads and call them names. They want to live in a country ruled by the mob and not democracy. Doesn't that make you feel all nice and cozy?
But, don’t listen to me. I’m just a baby.
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