confusion escalates
as I contemplate
this new information
stick a knife
deeper into my heart
and twist a few more times
supposed to be a conclusion
yet more questions
compound the confusion
"Beloved Dad and PaPa"
to whom?
he threw me and my sister away
his first children
yet became "beloved" to another?
I sit here slack-jawed
mouth open in shock
stunned
by this new revelation
pain so deep, every morning I greet
numbness and disbelief
never before met a tear too big to cry
nor pain too deep to feel
this new information
from his tombstone
like a boa constrictor
eating an elephant
I slowly suffocate
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Author Notes
Thank you to shiloh106 for use of the picture, "Through the Gates".
A dear friend took me to Florida National Cemetery to find my father who deserted us when I was two years old. Found his headstone. The last line reads: "Beloved Dad and Papa". I knew that he remarried soon after he divorced my mother but figured since he didn't want to be reminded of his first two children, that he certainly wouldn't want any more. I was stunned and shocked to realize he was "Beloved. . ." by his second one or more children and grandchildren. Lucky for them? And, I now realize that I have step-sibling(s) . . . This visit to bring an end to "The Case of the Missing Father", resulted in more questions and a deeper thrust of the knife into my heart. Be careful for what you wish!
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