I. Sideways Glance
Why do folk say that crabs travel sideways? You don't have to look in the direction of your travel. There is always another way of looking at things.
It is said of crabs that when they scuttle
They shuffle sideways in a sidestep dance.
They don't.
They shuttle back and forth as every creature shuttles;
They do.
Don't look at me askance,
For when the shuffling crabs go scuttling
In cowardly retreat or bold advance,
They will, while in the scuffling act of scuttling,
Be giving you a searching, sideways glance.
II. Flatfish
These guys don't look where they're going either.
The flatfish lies on the flat sea bed
With both of his eyes same side of his head.
He can't roll over and go to sleep,
For sand in his eyes would make him weep
And if fishes wept we'd drown in their tears
As the sea rose up and covered our ears,
Our eyes, our noses, mouths as well
Before dragging us down where the flatfish dwell.
But the flatfish lies, not the least upset,
So he won't roll over -- and we won't get wet.
III. Lucky Herring
Most people know that a kipper is a smoked herring. Fewer perhaps realize that a bloater is a herring, cured in salt then lightly smoked, probably because they are seldom seen apart from in fishmongers around Yarmouth, on the Norfolk coast. The assorted delicacies listed in the penultimate line are all ways in which the herring, once plentiful, now an endangered species, can be prepared for the table. British and European fishermen are restricted as to the weight of herring they are permitted to catch. This is known as the quota and is supposed to preserve fish stocks, but since most of the fish that are thrown back are in fact already dead, it doesn't really work very well!
A herring once, when just a nipper
Had nightmares he would be a kipper.
An aunt was caught and yes, they smoked her,
But differently into a bloater.
Our hero though made his escape
But then got netted off North Cape.
Kipper? Rollmop? Roe or bloater?
"Nah, chuck it back, we're over quota!"
IV. Larry the Lobster
All sorts of things can end up in a lobster pot, including immature lobsters not large enough to be sold. The pot is like a big basket with a tapering tunnel for an entrance, baited with delicacies beloved by lobsters the crustaceans have no trouble getting in but seem to lack the intelligence to find a way out again.
Larry the lobster bewails his lot,
Caught again in a lobster pot.
He's been caught in a lobster pot before
But they chucked him back; he was immature.
This time though it's almost certain
Larry will face the final curtain
Unless, with one of his massive pincers,
He can lay bare one of the fisherman's fingers.
A jerked reaction might let him go
If Larry's nip makes the red blood flow.
Well, what do you think? How does it all end?
I'll leave you to decide on that, my friend...
Please read the author's notes if you wish to have a go at writing a more conclusive ending to Larry the Lobster.
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