Background
Every time I see that couple, (even though they have not been at our church, for a long time, now) we all laugh as we remember that day.
Chapter 13a (Word)
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A "Senior's Luncheon" has been held, once a month, at our church, for some years now. We were NOT interested in attending for a number of reasons. We were getting "pestered" to attend that function and it took a long time to convince organizers we were JUST NOT INTERESTED.
Over a period of 9 years, we hosted, in our home, a Bible Study for the women. My wife decided she wanted to discontinue that here at home, for a number of reasons. One of those being that we were about to have some big renovations done to our house, making our place not suitable to entertain visitors for quite some time. One sad portion of this Bible Study time was some attitudes of the women.
People would arrive in their cars out front, early. Maybe they did not want to interrupt our dessert after the main meal? Louise has always felt left out of things. She never had enough opportunity for fellowship with other women. So the ladies arrived early and were waiting for the pastor’s wife to turn up.
Unfortunately, they did not come up to the house and give my wife the opportunity to join in some good conversation. We could have wondered - was the early arrival and sitting in their cars a time of gossip they did not want my wife to be a part of? We have mentioned in other places how folks have always treated my wife as some kind of "retard" because she is now confined to her wheelchair. This is totally untrue. She has much she could contribute to a conversation if the women would allow her to do so.
I mention these two issues above for a particular reason. There are those in churches and other places, who want to "control" everyone and everything. I know I talked about similar issues from way back before I married my wife but in this same church. Different pastors and so on back then.
The Christmas party was held for the Bible Study group at a Restaurant in our city. Louise was invited, even though she had quit the study, some months before. A certain individual had been harassing my wife about coming back to the bible study and it was upsetting her. So I quietly took the lady aside before the dinner (I was not attending as it was a ladies' evening) and asked her NOT to bring up about Louise coming back to Bible study, again. (The person had been pestering Louise about it, more than once, prior to this occasion.)
The next couple of days later I got a call from the woman's husband (you know, the Administrator) - to tear strips off us for speaking to his wife as I had done, and upsetting HER! Unfortunately, I had the phone on Speaker and Louise heard every word of the tirade. Afterwards, we got it all again by e-mail. Louise got on my computer and replied to the angry man's e-mail, telling him she heard every word of his call. These people had also been haranguing us about attending the Senior's luncheon. no matter how many times we said we were not interested.
To add insult to injury, at a wedding sometime later, it was our "luck?" to be seated near these people. It was all repeated as above again! I ended up having words with her husband on the side. More from another quarter, (from people who were no longer a part of our church - and totally out of the "loop" on local matters) - suffice to say, added discomfort for both of us. As a result, we left the reception early, after apologies to the Bride's Mother. Somehow only one person saw all that went on and came out after us to comfort us. The pastor did not notice, even though he was at an adjacent table, with his back to it all. We understood his unawareness as he was having some family crises, himself, at the time.
About four months later, the pastor came to visit us at home, on other matters. It all came out, then. He agreed it was 'Harassment' we had suffered. He encouraged us to report to him if there was any more of these happenings from the same direction. I say it was more like bullying, rather than just 'harassment!
There is something we have noticed over the years in churches:
Firstly; You can tell when someone has had it with a church, and are planning on moving on to someplace else. They gradually begin to move further and further back in the seats of the sanctuary, each time they come to the services.
Secondly; People who are about to leave us, tend to start "cutting us off" and not keeping in touch, or not desiring our interaction and so on. I am not sure if it is a "set-in-stone" practice - to make the parting eventually easier. However, I have noticed it with a number of couples who were eventually moving on, for whatever reasons. We, up till very recently, should have joined them on the back row, ha!
Sadly, due to worsening hearing problems, at the age of 60 and also concentration problems, I had to step down from the music function in our church quite some years back, now. (Six years ago as I come through here, again, on edit.) I miss playing. I also have to bite my tongue on better hearing days, when the instruments are out of tune. Added to this, to be fair to the musicians, if I am having a "bad hearing day" I have to suffer in silence as, due to loss of hearing - even the most "in-tune" instrument gets warped off key, due to blockages or whatever, on my end.
It took several attempts to get the pastor to agree to let me retire from the church music. He was, and still remained for many years, one of those that will not take NO for an answer. I finally had to write him a letter explaining my situation and take my wife to the meeting with him to back me up. Even after I stepped down I still had folks in the church asking:
"When are you playing again?" It was distressing because I really loved playing, but it was not physically possible, anymore.
On a later occasion, the pastor and his wife had returned from Long Service Leave, overseas, and, on this particular Sunday, we were short on musicians. The Church Administrator, another person that would not take No for an answer, asked if I would play that morning. I got up to the organ and I was a real case! I felt my blood pressure going through the roof and I knew my face was as RED as a beetroot. Not anger, just frustration combined with an extremely nervous state. I think I got through the ordeal, but when I sat down for the preaching my wife knew that was most definitely the LAST time I would play.
I finally asked the pastor to run a story in the church bulletin explaining my retirement after 50 years of being involved in Church Music, having as you know been playing since I was 10 years old. When she saw what he had written the pastor's wife sang out:
"I didn't know you were 60!" When it was made known more volunteers were needed for the music people all said:
"But we can't play like YOU!" I just said, "well if you had done it for 16 years, in this church, or altogether, for a lot longer - you would get better at it." Amazingly now, I notice most of the time, there is no problem getting someone to play these days.
We had a great time when the Barnes's were with us. They had something really special about them. perhaps it was due to their eldest son being handicapped and themselves being more loving to my wife in her situation. I want to quote something I read on Facebook only today, thanks to another dear old preacher friend.
"Great service tonight. Love the W's. Not many groups know how to follow the Holy Ghost. Their songs lined up with my message. The altars were busy. Thank you, Lord."
This statement from my old friend reminded me of something Pastor Barnes. used to let me do for the services in which I accompanied on the organ. (Back in my better-hearing days, of course!)He allowed me to choose the hymns for each particular service I was playing for. I sensed the Holy Spirit's leading in my choices as most of the time, they went right in with whatever pastor Barnes was preaching on. He never told me, beforehand what his sermon's subject was to be.
It was so sad they had to move on for a number of reasons.
Then the Hollands came. They were great for about ten years. He really should have got someone in to help, back then, with his health and stuff, the way things were. I guess the only good time we had from about 2004 through to 2007, was when the Collins family, later to be Missionaries to Romania were assisting in the Ministry, here.
The old pastor Gilbert from way back, for some reason, has cut me off. Mainly, I think, since their last visit here. I guess they were shocked that hardly anyone from their time is around anymore. For so long he was keen for me to keep in touch and tell him what was going on, but now nothing.
There have now been a lot of changes including the arrival of the new Assistant Pastor and his family. They have made a tremendous difference in the church, already. Now, February 2016, has arrived, and the new pastor has now taken over. Today was his first service as the pastor, and we are already noticing more changes, today. How exciting!
Readers may have gathered we have been on the fringe at our church for many years, wanting something better but it was not available. We know now the Lord wanted us to stay as He had this blessing coming for us eventually.
It was our earnest prayer that the old pastor, no longer in charge and still hanging around, might soon move on. In recent times he had been 'protesting' different things the new pastor was doing that he did not approve of. Not that it was really any of his business, anymore. I learned a particular denomination has a rule. It is that when a new pastor takes over a church, then the old pastor should move on and let the new man carry on without any interference.
God answered our prayers and the old pastor was "called" to a church in our southern State. He and his wife have now sold up here and bought another place down near their daughter and her husband. He has taken up as pastor of the smaller church, there, where he won’t have the enormous responsibility he had at our church. One of the reasons the former pastor left, as he stated himself one Sunday was that in his poor state of health, he could no longer carry out the "full functions" of a pastorate.
It is so unfortunate in the choice of pastors that we either get good teachers/preachers or good pastors. We can't seem to get a good "all-around" leader who fulfills the need of "pastor" and "preacher/teacher." I guess one of the reasons is probably the fact that in the congregation, too many times, people just want to "warm the pews" and not take leadership in the various ministries to relieve the church head to actually be more all-encompassing in the full functions of a pastor and teacher.
Author Notes
A Loop System picks up the signal from the pulpit mike and brings it straight to the coils in specially fitted hearing aids worn by deaf and hearing impaired folks. My left hearing aid had the needed coil for years, but it was never activated till more recently.
The photo is of Louise and me with a dear friend, having been at our church a long time ago, now a Mum of grown daughters, and living in a country region of our state. This was taken recently, at the former Pastor's Retirement service.
Names have been changed to protect the innocent or guilty hehe.
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