Excellent The Question I Choose Rainbows : A Sad Solution by sholessjo

A Sad Solution Verse One The Question I stared at the silhouette lying silently on the shadowed sofa. Only a small slit in the shade allowed the sunlight to enter the room, its eerie glow turning grotesque the face of the once smiling departed. I knelt and examined the face. It was bloated and unrecognizable. Lines of exhaustion and defeat were permanently wrinkled into its brow. A grayish cloud of death prevailed over a stare of emptiness that reminded me of the dead Pike I had removed from the live well on my last fishing trip, its dead eyes staring blank and dumb into a future of no more. The lips of the departed were silenced now, forever misshaped into a sneer that would forever remain void of sound and laughter. I wondered what it was that caused the demise of this person. I felt sad knowing that his wife and children would never see him smile again nor would they be able to kiss or hold his warmth needing body. I looked around the room and examined the content for cause of death. It was in the bathroom with the rusty sink and discolored and chipped bathtub that I found the answer. Empty bottles of sleeping pills were everywhere, the caps thrown hither and there as if the poor soul were on a mission of mercy and time was immediate. He must have ingested over three hundred pills. I wondered if he had had second thoughts, as if at the last moment before unconsciousness, he panicked knowing he would spend the rest of eternity in the blackness of Hell. Was there ever passion in this person? Did his past satisfy his need for existence? Where were the tomorrows in his mind? Did he have an identity? Was he proud of his being? The lost soul's identity had to be discovered. The police and family members had to be notified. I opened the shades. Light filled the room and I walked back to the sofa. The body, vacant of mind and emotion lie still. I noticed its physical characteristics. It was short, stocky, and balding. Its nose protruded somewhat too long for its face and its chin sagged skin to its neck. Its hands were small and locked in prayer. It must have asked God for forgiveness. The light shows brighter on the face of the victim. I am disarmed. I shriek with horror and confusion. I look at the left wrist and see the identifiable Rolex watch. I search the left hand and see the platinum wedding band. Terror arouses me. I look closer. That face, that distorted face comes into focus. I fall backwards Screaming images of putrefying identification engulf my mind and I sob beyond control. Mother of God! It is me. Verse Two Finality Why am I It was a time ago Somewhere between my birth And my death The feeling of lifelessness I remember it well It was a sad time Breathing thoughts Of blackness Where woeful sorrows Change perception And memories fade To hopelessness Oh how the horrors Of mystic darkness Burns deep in my soul Ghosts of terror Floating towards me Floating inward Floating Deeper and deeper Black thoughts Of impossible dreams Beyond nightmares Unimaginable Those thoughts Impossible to exist No I yell No! I scream No! No! No! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING And then I acquiesce And I welcome my death God of my father God of my soul I beseech Your help Please Take my hand Forgive my sins Life is wrath And wrath is life I can exist No more Please forgive I see nothing And want nothing Sadness so black Pain and suffering so deep My heart wants to cry God forgive me for what I do I must take the pills I swallow God forgive me for what I have done And I swallow more I walk to the bed I lie down Folded arms wrapped In prayer I say goodbye My family Better I be gone Than face them alive Death be sorrow Death be quick It is dark And I feel Nothing I sleep Unconsciousness Beyond any grave Beyond any hell I know no more Did time stop Did existence exist Knew, not I Nothingness Black eternity Unleashed And I succumb And the pain is gone And then Infinitely then I stir Wakened to confusion I rise Pained reality I am alive God no Please no I walk But it is not me walking Distance and time Replaced By false lineage And ghosted images Replace reality And I fall Distance gone I stand Distance gone I fall And I sleep Internally dead Horrors of the worst GOD! GOD! I am alive Thoughts displaced I gape Sorrowfully Into the mirror It is me Not dead Not alive A ghost of ghosts past And I see light And I reach for it But time And reality Again betray I reach I fall And I pain And I question The uncertainty of life The uncertainty of death And I vow To stay alive But sleep Be you so evil Overtakes And I reach for the mirage But it is gone And I fall And I fall and And I want to live But slumber And pills A bad potion of magic Brings eternity into focus And I slumber Deeply Quietly Peacefully At last But the sun rises And the door pounds It is my family My loving family Had found my body Their horror A terrible gifted horror Of love And what was Is gone And I awake Voices Of loved and beloved Bring life to reality My wife My daughter My son Ring life Wakening my slumber And I survive

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