Characters
Ned Nuckledd = Presidential candidate
Pons Maninoff = Ned's cousin and apologist.
MauMau = media coordinator
AA (Abecedari Ann) = Poet Laureate / Pons' girlfriend
Betty Biggins = campaign manager/ Ned's girlfriend
C1 (Campaign Aide 1)
Felix Fine = head of security
Powell Wrent = CNN News reporter
Hed O'deklas = clone keeper
RFC (Radical Female Character)
Ron Rump = former president
Job ByThen = current president
Cabala Harrassed = current VP
Swan Ham-n-cheese = FOX opiner
This new scene begins on election night. Ned Nuckledd, Vice-President Cabala Harrassed, and Ronald Rump all wait at their individual campaign headquarters making televised speeches. The stage is divided into three parts, each occupied by either the Democrats, Republicans, or Write-In-Times.
(Stage Right/ Democrats section)
Powell : I am Powell Wrent and THIS is CNN.
Hed: (interrupting) Is Rump still planning on eliminating cloning?
Powell : That would be a question better answered by Mr. Rump, sir. Who are you?
Hed: Hed O'deklas. Clones! They want to make them illegal.
Swan : (shouting from center stage and the Republicans) I hear you citizen! What you think you know is wrong. The King and future King, Ronald Rump, will be shifting the guidance for the duplication of people from the federal government to the back alleys and skid row locations of each of the fabulous fifty states, where local prejudices can drive the ungodly practice back into the paperback science fiction books .
Hed : The government has no restrictions or guidance now. This is overreach at its worst.
Swan : Ronald Rump has the natural ability to accomplish a great deal rather easily, but he may feel snowed under with projects. He will likely drop this rather small issue and concern himself with the further gating away of America from the world.
Hed : (walking out of the Democratic cell towards Swan Ham-n-cheese) Well, that's good news.
Felix : (shout from Ned's space on stage left) It's a lie!
MauMau : (stepping forward from upstage) Jetison your coolness, Flex!
Felix : Rump will send out repossession units to kidnap clones and reprogram them to vote conservatively.
Hed : (aghast) Monstrous!!
Felix : My brother is a clone.
Hed : Many are, Flex.
Powell : Back to me. I am still Powell Wrent and THIS is still CNN and this person is Cabala Harrassed, the vice-president of the United States of America.
Cabala: Thank you, Mr. Wrent. First I'd like to say that I am not Job Bythen.
Ned: (from the other side of the stage) Hey there, Mister Wrench! I ain't Job Bythen neither.
Ron Rump: Did I hear Sleepy Joe? Oh no, he's out to pasture. Ca-BA-la will be losing here today.
Cabala: Shut it, GrandPappy! That was Ned "Knucklehead" the write in candidate.
Ned: Pardoan there, Missy. You mist-announced my name a bit.
Ron Rump: Somebody show that goober the exit.
Ned: Not ta worry, Mr. Rump. I seen the exit door over there next ta that empty Toys-fer-Tots barrell and Blank-Checks-fer-Rump Wishing Well.
Powell: Well, listen people. I would like to interview someone before the election makes all of this anticlimatic.
Pons: (leaning in to Powell's microphone) I suggest we have a three man debate right here, right now.
RFC: Look, I'm a woman, but I'll debate.
Cabala: I'm certain he meant that suggestion as a three-person debate.
Ned: Hey, hey! I'm a person, so I would surely like bein' in that there bedate.
Betty: My candidate will certainly be invited and participate in any function which allows the people to compare the merits of the candidates.
AA: I wrote a poem about it.
I want to hear them argue --
the pinkos, hawks, and indies,
about how they are different,
and not just big bag windies.
C1: The debate will occur right after this brief pause.
To be continued...
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